Friday morning I had my monthly allergy shots and then drove to Staten Island to visit Polina, who has been sick with a nasty ear and throat infection for the past five days. The small upside is that she has been receiving more visitors since she's been sick, which she usually enjoys.
Her friend Afiya (who was at the PolyNYC meeting on Wednesday) stayed over Thursday night, so she was still there on Friday when I arrived. The three of us had lunch together and then watched the premiere episode of Firefly since Afiya has never seen Joss Whedon's show. Someday we'll have a Firefly marathon and get to watch Serenity together.
Afiya was to meet some friends in Manhattan to go see the new Terminator movie, so we drove her to the Staten Island Ferry terminal and returned home. Penny's mom came home while Penny and I were taking turns reading aloud from the book 1066 and all that: A memorable history of England, comprising all the parts you can remember including one hundred and three good things, five bad kings and two genuine dates.
After a trip to the doctor's office, we came home to light candles and bless bread and wine for Shabbat, the first time I've participated in this Jewish ritual. It was lovely, and inspirational for a spiritual novice such as myself. Penny was pretty wiped out from the doctor's visit, so we all turned in early for the night.
The next morning we blessed the bread and wine again at breakfast and Penny's mom and I administered medicine for Penny's ears, which consisted of stuffing her ears with gauze using a pair of long tweezers and applying medicine drops to them, a painful process for her. We did some computer stuff, played cards and cuddled for a bit until it was time for me to go to Central Park to join my lesbian Meetup group.
I drove across the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge through Brooklyn then into the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel into Manhattan. I parked at the Metropolitan Museum and walked across the park to meet Anika (whom I met last weekend) at the 72nd Street entrance. We found the group and met some of the other people there. My friend Angel showed up - I had just seen her two days ago at the PolyNYC meeting, of course.
Anika and I played some card games with some other people, one called Set and the other called Quiddler, which is like a combination of Scrabble and gin rummy. Set was freakin' hard, but fascinating nonetheless. It was just a little frustrating because Anika is so good at it. There was also a volleyball net so I played a couple games of five-on-five - won one, lost one.
In the early evening I went to my family's house for our first barbecue of the year. Bug made salads and baked beans, and Tara and I had hot dogs while Bee and Bug had soy burgers. We saw two young female deer stroll by and run back and forth across the field adjacent to the golf course in their backyard - that was exciting to see. We watched birds and squirrels, ate, laughed and chatted until nearly dark before coming inside to watch Spaceballs, which I'd never seen before. It's a Mel Brooks spoof on sci-fi movies, specifically Star Wars, in case you didn't know. Tomorrow morning we're all going to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.
Today was one of my best days - I spent some quiet time with Polina, some active time with my new friends Anika and Angel, and some quality family time with Tara, Bee and Bug. It's not often that so many of the disparate parts of my life contribute events that are enjoyable, significant and memorable, all in a single day. It makes me very happy about my life and the people in it.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
MOMA visit
Tara and I had a nice date today at the Museum of Modern Art, despite the fact that she's starting to feel a little run down, probably from catching Bug's germs that have already caused Bee to miss a couple days of work.
It seemed that a special visit was foretold when I saw this creative license plate on an SUV while driving down Lexington Avenue on the way in:
As we always do, we started on the 6th floor where the special exhibit was Tangled Alphabets, by Argentine artist Leon Ferrari and Brazilian artist Mira Schendel. Then we toured our favorite galleries full of works by Matisse, Picasso, Rothko, Rauschenberg, Seurat, Cezanne, etc. Our favorite works by Van Gogh and Monet are on tour, but there were some new pieces to look at.
There was a special exhibit called Stage Pictures: Drawing for Performance that featured an entire wall of works by Marc Chagall, one of our favorite artists. This set of four are backgrounds for the ballet Aleko:
Here's an unusual apertif of a work by artist Jack Strange, simply called g - it's a lead weight on an Apple MacBook continuously typing the letter g. It was on page 47 when we came across it:
One of the best exhibits was called Compass in Hand: Selections from The Judith Rothschild Foundation Contemporary Drawings Collection, where we found this colorful painting:
This collection also included a work by Carol Bove, titled simply Jane B., and it was the most moving thing I saw today. It's such a subtle image - almost like a watermark - that it was impossible to photograph, so you can only see it online, and even then, you don't really get a sense of how beautiful and ethereal it is. You just have to go visit MOMA and see it for yourself.
But the funniest thing we saw was in the main hall space, which was closed for installation of a new exhibit. The elements of the exhibit were still in large crates, wrapped with two kinds of tape - one that said "FULL" and the other said "PACKED". But see what happens when these two kinds of tape accidentally overlap:
Tomorrow I'm going to Staten Island to visit Polina, who is still not feeling her best, but well enough to need some distraction. Then Saturday afternoon there's a big Meetup party in Central Park where I'm hoping to see Anika again, if it doesn't get rained out. Saturday night I'll be at my family's house for dinner and poker or a movie, so I probably won't be posting anything new until at least Sunday.
It seemed that a special visit was foretold when I saw this creative license plate on an SUV while driving down Lexington Avenue on the way in:
As we always do, we started on the 6th floor where the special exhibit was Tangled Alphabets, by Argentine artist Leon Ferrari and Brazilian artist Mira Schendel. Then we toured our favorite galleries full of works by Matisse, Picasso, Rothko, Rauschenberg, Seurat, Cezanne, etc. Our favorite works by Van Gogh and Monet are on tour, but there were some new pieces to look at.
There was a special exhibit called Stage Pictures: Drawing for Performance that featured an entire wall of works by Marc Chagall, one of our favorite artists. This set of four are backgrounds for the ballet Aleko:
Here's an unusual apertif of a work by artist Jack Strange, simply called g - it's a lead weight on an Apple MacBook continuously typing the letter g. It was on page 47 when we came across it:
One of the best exhibits was called Compass in Hand: Selections from The Judith Rothschild Foundation Contemporary Drawings Collection, where we found this colorful painting:
This collection also included a work by Carol Bove, titled simply Jane B., and it was the most moving thing I saw today. It's such a subtle image - almost like a watermark - that it was impossible to photograph, so you can only see it online, and even then, you don't really get a sense of how beautiful and ethereal it is. You just have to go visit MOMA and see it for yourself.
But the funniest thing we saw was in the main hall space, which was closed for installation of a new exhibit. The elements of the exhibit were still in large crates, wrapped with two kinds of tape - one that said "FULL" and the other said "PACKED". But see what happens when these two kinds of tape accidentally overlap:
Tomorrow I'm going to Staten Island to visit Polina, who is still not feeling her best, but well enough to need some distraction. Then Saturday afternoon there's a big Meetup party in Central Park where I'm hoping to see Anika again, if it doesn't get rained out. Saturday night I'll be at my family's house for dinner and poker or a movie, so I probably won't be posting anything new until at least Sunday.
Public speaking
It's been a fairly eventful 24 hours, and my period of hyperactivity this month is slowly coming to a close, although one never knows what tomorrow will bring.
Yesterday in the midst of running my usual errands, I bought a new tennis racquet, a HEAD Metallix 6 because I was tired of using Tara's outdated one when we play. This racquet seems to be pretty close in design to my old Wilson Hammer 2.6 that I lost in the fire of 2005 (and which is long discontinued) - top heavy, extremely stiff, 115 square inches in surface area, and a wide beam design for stability. I have high hopes that it will suit my game once I get to try it out.
In the evening my family went out and saw Star Trek again at the free movie theater. Unfortunately, we seemed to be surrounded by talkative teenagers who felt compelled to hum along with music and make snarky comments about the movie. Plus there was an unhappy infant in the back row whose parents felt entitled to see this movie, even if it meant subjecting everybody else to a crying baby. But we muddled through and enjoyed the movie anyway. I, however, managed to lose a dental crown from eating too much popcorn, which was extremely annoying. So the next morning I called my dentist and made an afternoon appointment to get that fixed.
I went into the city by bus, first to the dentist, and then met Lori at Macy's in Herald Square where she was doing some clothes shopping. Then I went down to the LGBT Center for my Polyamorous NYC meeting, where I filled in as the presenter for Katelynn Cusanelli, who was a no-show for our highly publicized event. It was a smaller crowd than I was expecting, so that was probably better for me. I was surprised to see my friend Angel, who works at the Metropolitan Museum ("Limerancing through life" - Feb. 27, 2009) and Afiya, one of Polina's friends I met last New Year's Eve at her house ("2008 in review" - Jan. 1, 2009). My friends Buck, Kyle and Simon from Open Love NY were there to support me, and Buck was kind enough to take pictures for me:
Everyone seemed to enjoy the presentation and I got lots of compliments from the Board members and my friends, but naturally I thought I could have done a lot better. I didn't have very much time to prepare, and I was actually pretty nervous. I think I would have been even more nervous if Polina was there, but she was feeling too sick to come into the city.
Angel and I rode the subway together back to Port Authority and got caught up with each other's lives - she recently returned from Australia where she had a three-week concert engagement as an opera singer. Once I get a job, I definitely want to see a few more operas and shows - I miss the energy of a live performance.
Tomorrow Tara and I are going to visit MOMA once more before my annual membership expires at the end of the month, so I'll have more pictures to post then.
Yesterday in the midst of running my usual errands, I bought a new tennis racquet, a HEAD Metallix 6 because I was tired of using Tara's outdated one when we play. This racquet seems to be pretty close in design to my old Wilson Hammer 2.6 that I lost in the fire of 2005 (and which is long discontinued) - top heavy, extremely stiff, 115 square inches in surface area, and a wide beam design for stability. I have high hopes that it will suit my game once I get to try it out.
In the evening my family went out and saw Star Trek again at the free movie theater. Unfortunately, we seemed to be surrounded by talkative teenagers who felt compelled to hum along with music and make snarky comments about the movie. Plus there was an unhappy infant in the back row whose parents felt entitled to see this movie, even if it meant subjecting everybody else to a crying baby. But we muddled through and enjoyed the movie anyway. I, however, managed to lose a dental crown from eating too much popcorn, which was extremely annoying. So the next morning I called my dentist and made an afternoon appointment to get that fixed.
I went into the city by bus, first to the dentist, and then met Lori at Macy's in Herald Square where she was doing some clothes shopping. Then I went down to the LGBT Center for my Polyamorous NYC meeting, where I filled in as the presenter for Katelynn Cusanelli, who was a no-show for our highly publicized event. It was a smaller crowd than I was expecting, so that was probably better for me. I was surprised to see my friend Angel, who works at the Metropolitan Museum ("Limerancing through life" - Feb. 27, 2009) and Afiya, one of Polina's friends I met last New Year's Eve at her house ("2008 in review" - Jan. 1, 2009). My friends Buck, Kyle and Simon from Open Love NY were there to support me, and Buck was kind enough to take pictures for me:
Everyone seemed to enjoy the presentation and I got lots of compliments from the Board members and my friends, but naturally I thought I could have done a lot better. I didn't have very much time to prepare, and I was actually pretty nervous. I think I would have been even more nervous if Polina was there, but she was feeling too sick to come into the city.
Angel and I rode the subway together back to Port Authority and got caught up with each other's lives - she recently returned from Australia where she had a three-week concert engagement as an opera singer. Once I get a job, I definitely want to see a few more operas and shows - I miss the energy of a live performance.
Tomorrow Tara and I are going to visit MOMA once more before my annual membership expires at the end of the month, so I'll have more pictures to post then.
Monday, May 18, 2009
A tour of Manhattan
I had an incredible run of luck at cards on Saturday night with my family, probably never to be matched again. I ended the game with $7,030 in chips, out of a possible $7,200 in play, meaning I had almost 98 percent of the total value on the table. Hopefully that kind of luck will rub off on other aspects of my life.
Sunday I went into the city for a walking tour of lower Manhattan with a new Meetup group of adventure-minded girls. We met at the corner of 14th Street and 8th Avenue (near the LGBT Center) and walked west to the Hudson River, then turned south and followed the shoreline through Battery Park City and the Financial District to South Street Seaport.
My favorite part was seeing the Irish Hunger Memorial, which is a public art exhibit recreating a small patch of Ireland in the middle of a public square:
Here's a picture of our group of about 20 women at the top of the Memorial:
We went through the Winter Garden shops at the World Financial Center, where we had an overview of the Ground Zero site:
During the walk I got to know several people, but the one I had the most to talk with about was a young lady named Anika. It's not often I meet someone so congruent with my tastes in books and movies. She's a fan of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, Alan Moore's Watchmen and V for Vendetta, Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Amelie, Terry Gilliam's trilogy, Baz Lurmann's Red Curtain Trilogy, Merchant Ivory films and surprisingly, the Twilight Saga. She's a flight attendant for Jet Blue, so she's in and out of the city all the time from her home in Salt Lake City. Hopefully we will cross paths again soon.
Here's a photo of us at the Winter Garden with Ground Zero behind us - she's a hugger, obviously:
Sunday night my family went out to see Angels & Demons, which was very good. I think I was the only one who didn't see the plot twist coming. Unfortunately, Bee, who caught Bug's cold from last week, became really sick during the movie and had us worried. Along that line, Polina has also taken ill with a high fever - Tara and I have managed to stay healthy so far. Hopefully everyone will get better soon and stay that way.
Sunday I went into the city for a walking tour of lower Manhattan with a new Meetup group of adventure-minded girls. We met at the corner of 14th Street and 8th Avenue (near the LGBT Center) and walked west to the Hudson River, then turned south and followed the shoreline through Battery Park City and the Financial District to South Street Seaport.
My favorite part was seeing the Irish Hunger Memorial, which is a public art exhibit recreating a small patch of Ireland in the middle of a public square:
Here's a picture of our group of about 20 women at the top of the Memorial:
We went through the Winter Garden shops at the World Financial Center, where we had an overview of the Ground Zero site:
During the walk I got to know several people, but the one I had the most to talk with about was a young lady named Anika. It's not often I meet someone so congruent with my tastes in books and movies. She's a fan of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, Alan Moore's Watchmen and V for Vendetta, Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Amelie, Terry Gilliam's trilogy, Baz Lurmann's Red Curtain Trilogy, Merchant Ivory films and surprisingly, the Twilight Saga. She's a flight attendant for Jet Blue, so she's in and out of the city all the time from her home in Salt Lake City. Hopefully we will cross paths again soon.
Here's a photo of us at the Winter Garden with Ground Zero behind us - she's a hugger, obviously:
Sunday night my family went out to see Angels & Demons, which was very good. I think I was the only one who didn't see the plot twist coming. Unfortunately, Bee, who caught Bug's cold from last week, became really sick during the movie and had us worried. Along that line, Polina has also taken ill with a high fever - Tara and I have managed to stay healthy so far. Hopefully everyone will get better soon and stay that way.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Stuffed mushrooms
Wednesday afternoon my friend Lori called me and we arranged to meet before my Poly Women's Group to catch up. It was a beautiful day, so I walked from Port Authority on 42nd and 8th Avenue to the Citigroup Center at 54th and 3rd, which took about 45 minutes with a couple stops along the way. Lori and I chatted for about 90 minutes and she showed me her new sunglasses:
My friend Barbara showed up and we started our meeting, whereupon Lori left to go visit her mom in Queens. After I got home I went to my family's house so we could watch last week's Saturday Night Live, hosted by Justin Timberlake. It was hands down the funniest episode of the year, and we especially liked the New Jersey jokes from Fred Armisen's impersonation of New York Gov. David Paterson.
This morning Tara came over to play tennis before the rain started, so we had a nice workout early in the day. Then I went to run some errands, which included a trip to CD World where I bought Taken, Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and Die Another Day, one of the handful of James Bond movies I don't currently own.
This evening I made stuffed mushrooms for dinner, which is something I learned from my South Beach dieting days. It's a pretty simple low-carb vegetarian dish, but just requires a lot of chopping.
Stuffed Mushrooms
10-12 large mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped white onion
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1/3 cup chopped green olives (or try chopped sun-dried tomatoes for a variation)
1/3 cup tomato pasta sauce
2 tablespoons oregano leaves
Shredded fresh Parmeggiano-Reggiano cheese
Hot sauce/salt and pepper to taste
1. Wash the mushrooms and remove the stems. Finely chop the stems into small pieces. Dry the caps and place on cookie sheet. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Saute the onions, garlic and stems in olive oil in a saucepan until tender. Add pasta sauce, green olives and spices and let simmer for a few minutes. Remove from heat and let cool.
3. Fill the bottom of each mushroom cap with about a teaspoon of grated cheese (depending on the size of the cap), then using a fork, evenly distribute the stuffing among all the caps. Top with a sprinking of more cheese.
4. Bake until cheese topping starts to melt (about 15-20 minutes) and serve. Inside filling will be very hot, so eat with care.
My friend Barbara showed up and we started our meeting, whereupon Lori left to go visit her mom in Queens. After I got home I went to my family's house so we could watch last week's Saturday Night Live, hosted by Justin Timberlake. It was hands down the funniest episode of the year, and we especially liked the New Jersey jokes from Fred Armisen's impersonation of New York Gov. David Paterson.
This morning Tara came over to play tennis before the rain started, so we had a nice workout early in the day. Then I went to run some errands, which included a trip to CD World where I bought Taken, Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and Die Another Day, one of the handful of James Bond movies I don't currently own.
This evening I made stuffed mushrooms for dinner, which is something I learned from my South Beach dieting days. It's a pretty simple low-carb vegetarian dish, but just requires a lot of chopping.
Stuffed Mushrooms
10-12 large mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped white onion
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1/3 cup chopped green olives (or try chopped sun-dried tomatoes for a variation)
1/3 cup tomato pasta sauce
2 tablespoons oregano leaves
Shredded fresh Parmeggiano-Reggiano cheese
Hot sauce/salt and pepper to taste
1. Wash the mushrooms and remove the stems. Finely chop the stems into small pieces. Dry the caps and place on cookie sheet. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Saute the onions, garlic and stems in olive oil in a saucepan until tender. Add pasta sauce, green olives and spices and let simmer for a few minutes. Remove from heat and let cool.
3. Fill the bottom of each mushroom cap with about a teaspoon of grated cheese (depending on the size of the cap), then using a fork, evenly distribute the stuffing among all the caps. Top with a sprinking of more cheese.
4. Bake until cheese topping starts to melt (about 15-20 minutes) and serve. Inside filling will be very hot, so eat with care.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Baby kitten rescue
I've been packing a lot of activity in the past few days, and I expect this to continue until at least May 20, culminating with the monthly meeting of Polyamorous NYC when Katelynn is scheduled to appear. In addition to activities in the city, there's also new movies in theaters every week, plus Rockets playoff games, and spending as much time as possible with both Tara and Polina while I'm hunting for a job because once I land one, I'm not going to have nearly as much free time. I want to make the most of it while it lasts.
Saturday night was family night at Tara's house, and Bug made a nice dinner of pasta and zucchini and a salad. Then we watched a very long movie that is a favorite of Bug's and mine, but one that Tara and Bee haven't seen: Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven. The extended Director's Cut runs 3 hours and 13 minutes, but it's worth it over the theatrical version. It actually made a nice follow-up to last week's viewing of The Last Temptation of Christ in the sense that both movies deal with the religious themes, but in very different ways.
Sunday we got up early on Mother's Day so we could all see Star Trek together before Bee and Bug went home to visit birth families. We are all over the moon about this movie, being lifelong Trek fans. The script was one of the best I've ever seen, full of nods and winks and spot-on characterizations for the devoted fans. The action was taut and visually exciting, and they did a tremendous job in creating a new reality without trashing what came before. It actually made me cry in the first 10 minutes of the film - possibly the best science fiction movie to come out of Hollywood since Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.
After the movie, Tara and I went for lunch at the Riverview Cafe in Elmwood Park and we talked about our birth families and growing up, as I typically do on family-oriented holidays when my estrangement from my birth family becomes more evident. These are some of the few times I opt to take myself out of the moment and think about the past or the future. I choose not to do this often, nor do I wallow when I'm doing it. Tara seems to feel closer to me when I'm showing my vulnerability and reminding her of how I was back when we were still living 1,700 miles apart. But for my part, I choose not to look backward very often because I don't want to miss out on a moment of the life I have now.
After lunch we came back to my apartment and played tennis, only the second time we've done this. I gave Tara my newer racquet to use, and that evened the playing field tremendously, because I used to be a pretty gosh darn good player. We had a nice workout, and then I dropped her off and watched my Rockets game and my DVD of Max Payne, which I checked out from the library.
Monday I went to visit Polina in Staten Island and help her with an abandoned baby kitten her mom found on their doorstep on Sunday. The animal was only hours old, with the umbilical cord still attached, and Polina and her mom had been taking turns all night feeding it and keeping it warm. Polina found a shelter that could take the baby kitty in for foster care, so we went together to the facility to drop the kitty off. Here's some pictures of her holding it:
And here's the shelter worker who took the kitty, so you can see better how small it is:
Afterwards, we went out to lunch and came home to visit with her mom for a bit. Her mom showed me a old copy of Ruyard Kipling's Just So Stories, written in English with a Russian forward, so I could read "The Cat That Walked By Himself" as a way of explaining why Penny's dad was so adamantly against keeping the kitten.
Later in the evening, Penny and I took the bus to the Staten Island Ferry into Manhattan for the Poly Cocktail Hour at China1, which I had attended for the first time last month while she was in Argentina ("Busy start of the week" - April 14, 2009). We got there quite late, around 8:30 p.m. and unfortunately missed our friends Simon and Kyle, but saw Leon and Antonia from Open Love NY, and I ran into Tanisha, a women from my Poly Women's group (which meets tomorrow), Paloma (who is leaving for Europe this Friday) and some other people I've run into before. The poly community in New York (and everywhere else, I'd assume) is pretty small, so eventually you start seeing people over and over.
Between the two of us, Penny and I met just about everybody in the room, and it was loads of fun going around, introducing and being introduced to new people. There were many people there for the first time; in fact, it was Polina's first time at this particular event as well. I think we both had such a good time that we'll probably try to make it a regular outing, our schedules permitting. We were, in fact, two of the three last people to leave the restaurant at about 12:30 a.m. We got a quick bite at a 24-hour Turkish restaurant, and then took a bus back to the ferry. This was my first time riding the Staten Island Ferry, so I took some pictures to commemorate. This is the sign on the Manhattan side at 1:30 in the morning - you can see Penny's silhouette standing under the T and E in "Staten":
The next morning we made some breakfast together and I helped her wash dishes and clean up the kitchen before we went upstairs to swap some music on her computer.
When I got home around 4 p.m. I followed up on some potential job leads, but still nothing definite to report at the moment. I picked up Tara so we could go see X-Men Origins: Wolverine at the free movie theater, but unfortunately, the 7:30 p.m. show was already sold out, so we had to wait for the 9 p.m. show. The upside is that we did get to see the Deadpool Easter Egg after the end credits, although I was a little disappointed with its brevity. However, my estimation of the movie itself is higher upon second viewing than the original reaction I had last Sunday.
Saturday night was family night at Tara's house, and Bug made a nice dinner of pasta and zucchini and a salad. Then we watched a very long movie that is a favorite of Bug's and mine, but one that Tara and Bee haven't seen: Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven. The extended Director's Cut runs 3 hours and 13 minutes, but it's worth it over the theatrical version. It actually made a nice follow-up to last week's viewing of The Last Temptation of Christ in the sense that both movies deal with the religious themes, but in very different ways.
Sunday we got up early on Mother's Day so we could all see Star Trek together before Bee and Bug went home to visit birth families. We are all over the moon about this movie, being lifelong Trek fans. The script was one of the best I've ever seen, full of nods and winks and spot-on characterizations for the devoted fans. The action was taut and visually exciting, and they did a tremendous job in creating a new reality without trashing what came before. It actually made me cry in the first 10 minutes of the film - possibly the best science fiction movie to come out of Hollywood since Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.
After the movie, Tara and I went for lunch at the Riverview Cafe in Elmwood Park and we talked about our birth families and growing up, as I typically do on family-oriented holidays when my estrangement from my birth family becomes more evident. These are some of the few times I opt to take myself out of the moment and think about the past or the future. I choose not to do this often, nor do I wallow when I'm doing it. Tara seems to feel closer to me when I'm showing my vulnerability and reminding her of how I was back when we were still living 1,700 miles apart. But for my part, I choose not to look backward very often because I don't want to miss out on a moment of the life I have now.
After lunch we came back to my apartment and played tennis, only the second time we've done this. I gave Tara my newer racquet to use, and that evened the playing field tremendously, because I used to be a pretty gosh darn good player. We had a nice workout, and then I dropped her off and watched my Rockets game and my DVD of Max Payne, which I checked out from the library.
Monday I went to visit Polina in Staten Island and help her with an abandoned baby kitten her mom found on their doorstep on Sunday. The animal was only hours old, with the umbilical cord still attached, and Polina and her mom had been taking turns all night feeding it and keeping it warm. Polina found a shelter that could take the baby kitty in for foster care, so we went together to the facility to drop the kitty off. Here's some pictures of her holding it:
And here's the shelter worker who took the kitty, so you can see better how small it is:
Afterwards, we went out to lunch and came home to visit with her mom for a bit. Her mom showed me a old copy of Ruyard Kipling's Just So Stories, written in English with a Russian forward, so I could read "The Cat That Walked By Himself" as a way of explaining why Penny's dad was so adamantly against keeping the kitten.
Later in the evening, Penny and I took the bus to the Staten Island Ferry into Manhattan for the Poly Cocktail Hour at China1, which I had attended for the first time last month while she was in Argentina ("Busy start of the week" - April 14, 2009). We got there quite late, around 8:30 p.m. and unfortunately missed our friends Simon and Kyle, but saw Leon and Antonia from Open Love NY, and I ran into Tanisha, a women from my Poly Women's group (which meets tomorrow), Paloma (who is leaving for Europe this Friday) and some other people I've run into before. The poly community in New York (and everywhere else, I'd assume) is pretty small, so eventually you start seeing people over and over.
Between the two of us, Penny and I met just about everybody in the room, and it was loads of fun going around, introducing and being introduced to new people. There were many people there for the first time; in fact, it was Polina's first time at this particular event as well. I think we both had such a good time that we'll probably try to make it a regular outing, our schedules permitting. We were, in fact, two of the three last people to leave the restaurant at about 12:30 a.m. We got a quick bite at a 24-hour Turkish restaurant, and then took a bus back to the ferry. This was my first time riding the Staten Island Ferry, so I took some pictures to commemorate. This is the sign on the Manhattan side at 1:30 in the morning - you can see Penny's silhouette standing under the T and E in "Staten":
The next morning we made some breakfast together and I helped her wash dishes and clean up the kitchen before we went upstairs to swap some music on her computer.
When I got home around 4 p.m. I followed up on some potential job leads, but still nothing definite to report at the moment. I picked up Tara so we could go see X-Men Origins: Wolverine at the free movie theater, but unfortunately, the 7:30 p.m. show was already sold out, so we had to wait for the 9 p.m. show. The upside is that we did get to see the Deadpool Easter Egg after the end credits, although I was a little disappointed with its brevity. However, my estimation of the movie itself is higher upon second viewing than the original reaction I had last Sunday.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Burlesque show at City Winery
I had a fantastic time at City Winery last night with my friend Agnieszka, where we went to see a burlesque show. The venue is a combination restaurant, working winery and performance space, all in the middle of SoHo in Manhattan.
In case some of you are not familiar with the art of burlesque, it is different from performing in a strip club. Burlesque is all about putting on a show that celebrates the art of the tease. Put another way, a stripper takes off her clothes in response to the desire of the customer to see her nude body. A burlesque dancer takes off her clothes in a carefully choreographed routine meant to entertain a crowd by either being sexy, funny, dramatic, acrobatic, or any combination of those qualities. The energy in a burlesque show is all about having fun and being entertained in an artful way, with none of the commercial nature of a strip club atmosphere.
Right then, on to the details of the evening. The stage of City Winery is beautiful, and the room is expansive, and has hosted such well-known acts as Michelle Shocked, The Proclaimers, Philip Glass and Patti Smith, and Rufus Wainwright and David Byrne, who did a concert in March to raise awareness for energy conservation so they did a fully acoustic set lit by candlelight and without any electricity whatsoever - even the air conditioning was turned off.
Before the show actually started, there was a go-go dancer warming up the crowd, and we were seated in an elevated section of the room, where I took this picture that will give you an idea of what the stage looks like:
We weren't very happy with our seats, so I grabbed the hostess and got her to move us to a table down in front of center stage. We also saw one of our old burlesque classmates, Rosie, sitting near the stage as well, and said hello. The second act was a well-known performer named Ruby Valentine, who did an elegant and memorable dance in a costume made of silver mylar. Incidentally, none of the videos in this post have nudity, but I still wouldn't play them at work!
After several more acts, there was an intermission, during which a belly dancer named Maiia performed, and I thought she was one of the best acts of all. She started out with some large mylar wings like Ruby's:
Then she took the wings off and did a more traditional dance using her veils as props:
Finally, she brought a six-foot long Burmese python out of a basket and danced with it:
The snake appeared again later on the shoulder of one of the male performers, Jonny Porkpie, and seemed to take a liking to the Stage Kitten, Sizzle Dizzle, since it seems to be licking her chin:
Finally, Anita Cookie (whom I met on Monday at the MTV party) and GiGi La Femme did a funny duet singing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," putting their own GLBT spin on the Maurice Chevalier classic:
After the performance was over, one of the dancers, Sapphire Jones, came out with the traditional fez hat to collect tips, but unfortunately Anita Cookie didn't come out so I could've said hi to her again.
While we were watching the show, a woman came up to us and complimented Agnieszka's hat. One of Agnieszka's hobbies is reproducing classic pin-up scenes with self-portraits, so she has an extensive wardrobe of vintage clothing. The woman, Stephanie, came back at the end of the show with her boyfriend and we talked about burlesque and our experience with lessons, and we took pictures of each other so she would have a photo of Agnieszka's hat. Her email address is taken from a line from the Beatles' song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" since she's a Beatlemaniac, and led to us singing the song at 1:30 in the morning in a mostly empty subway station.
Here's a photo of me and Agnieszka (and her vintage hat) on the subway on the way home. I'm looking at the reflection of my digital camera in the train window opposite us so I can frame the shot properly - I just forgot to look back at the camera when I pressed the shutter.
In case some of you are not familiar with the art of burlesque, it is different from performing in a strip club. Burlesque is all about putting on a show that celebrates the art of the tease. Put another way, a stripper takes off her clothes in response to the desire of the customer to see her nude body. A burlesque dancer takes off her clothes in a carefully choreographed routine meant to entertain a crowd by either being sexy, funny, dramatic, acrobatic, or any combination of those qualities. The energy in a burlesque show is all about having fun and being entertained in an artful way, with none of the commercial nature of a strip club atmosphere.
Right then, on to the details of the evening. The stage of City Winery is beautiful, and the room is expansive, and has hosted such well-known acts as Michelle Shocked, The Proclaimers, Philip Glass and Patti Smith, and Rufus Wainwright and David Byrne, who did a concert in March to raise awareness for energy conservation so they did a fully acoustic set lit by candlelight and without any electricity whatsoever - even the air conditioning was turned off.
Before the show actually started, there was a go-go dancer warming up the crowd, and we were seated in an elevated section of the room, where I took this picture that will give you an idea of what the stage looks like:
We weren't very happy with our seats, so I grabbed the hostess and got her to move us to a table down in front of center stage. We also saw one of our old burlesque classmates, Rosie, sitting near the stage as well, and said hello. The second act was a well-known performer named Ruby Valentine, who did an elegant and memorable dance in a costume made of silver mylar. Incidentally, none of the videos in this post have nudity, but I still wouldn't play them at work!
After several more acts, there was an intermission, during which a belly dancer named Maiia performed, and I thought she was one of the best acts of all. She started out with some large mylar wings like Ruby's:
Then she took the wings off and did a more traditional dance using her veils as props:
Finally, she brought a six-foot long Burmese python out of a basket and danced with it:
The snake appeared again later on the shoulder of one of the male performers, Jonny Porkpie, and seemed to take a liking to the Stage Kitten, Sizzle Dizzle, since it seems to be licking her chin:
Finally, Anita Cookie (whom I met on Monday at the MTV party) and GiGi La Femme did a funny duet singing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," putting their own GLBT spin on the Maurice Chevalier classic:
After the performance was over, one of the dancers, Sapphire Jones, came out with the traditional fez hat to collect tips, but unfortunately Anita Cookie didn't come out so I could've said hi to her again.
While we were watching the show, a woman came up to us and complimented Agnieszka's hat. One of Agnieszka's hobbies is reproducing classic pin-up scenes with self-portraits, so she has an extensive wardrobe of vintage clothing. The woman, Stephanie, came back at the end of the show with her boyfriend and we talked about burlesque and our experience with lessons, and we took pictures of each other so she would have a photo of Agnieszka's hat. Her email address is taken from a line from the Beatles' song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" since she's a Beatlemaniac, and led to us singing the song at 1:30 in the morning in a mostly empty subway station.
Here's a photo of me and Agnieszka (and her vintage hat) on the subway on the way home. I'm looking at the reflection of my digital camera in the train window opposite us so I can frame the shot properly - I just forgot to look back at the camera when I pressed the shutter.
Friday, May 08, 2009
We now return to our regular programming...
I'm really excited right now about a new job opportunity! After my eventful times earlier in the week, it's been a nice chill-out period the last couple of days to catch my breath before the next round of social events starts up.
Tonight, Agnieszka and I are going to SoHo to see a burlesque show (Anita Cookie is scheduled to perform), then Sunday is the new Star Trek movie with my family and time with Tara in the afternoon. Monday is the Poly Cocktail Hour, Wednesday is my women's poly support group, and Friday is Erika's birthday party.
Today, I woke up and watched a couple of episodes of Angel, "Double or Nothing" and "The Price" before getting up and firing up the computer to do some job searching. I submitted my resume to a couple of places, including a recruiter looking for an internal communications specialist for a confidential Fortune 500 company. About two hours after I sent that one, she called me and said when the company saw my resume they told her she had to get me on the phone - pronto.
I know I'm being modest, but frankly, it's kind of a shock. In this economy, I don't expect companies to be so eager to hire anyone, including me. But apparently, my experience with Cardtronics in my former life was especially attractive to this particular company. That's a good thing, because I loved working for Cardtronics, and I still point out their ATMs to my family whenever I see them. It's one of the few tangible things I can point to in everyday life that is a result of my work - I helped design the decorative wrapper and graphics on some Cardtronics ATMs.
Anyway, I filled out a form for the recruiter, and she's going to schedule an interview for me next week, probably on Monday, Wednesday or Friday, since I'll be in the city for the aforementioned social events anyway. The company is located at the World Trade Center, so that's a pretty convenient commute, just a little farther on the E line than I used to do, but downtown instead of uptown. So I'm crossing my fingers that this will turn out to be the end of my time off, although I will certainly miss being on extended vacation.
The downside is that I was thinking about visiting my friends who live points west of here, like Christine and Monica (who both live near Pittsburgh), Joanna and Mandy (who live in Central Ohio) and Colleen (who lives in Indianapolis) and just sleeping on people's couches or my air mattress to save on expenses.
I've also been seriously thinking about going back down to Houston and visiting my friends in the community down there, plus maybe visiting Linda and Meredith. I don't have any desire to see my parents, but I suppose I would let them know I was coming just to extend an olive branch. What I really miss is the food in Houston - when I play the "last meal" game, most of my dishes come from Houston restaurants ("4 things" - Aug. 30, 2007). If I get this job, I probably won't have the time to do that for a while. We'll have to see what transpires.
Tonight, Agnieszka and I are going to SoHo to see a burlesque show (Anita Cookie is scheduled to perform), then Sunday is the new Star Trek movie with my family and time with Tara in the afternoon. Monday is the Poly Cocktail Hour, Wednesday is my women's poly support group, and Friday is Erika's birthday party.
Today, I woke up and watched a couple of episodes of Angel, "Double or Nothing" and "The Price" before getting up and firing up the computer to do some job searching. I submitted my resume to a couple of places, including a recruiter looking for an internal communications specialist for a confidential Fortune 500 company. About two hours after I sent that one, she called me and said when the company saw my resume they told her she had to get me on the phone - pronto.
I know I'm being modest, but frankly, it's kind of a shock. In this economy, I don't expect companies to be so eager to hire anyone, including me. But apparently, my experience with Cardtronics in my former life was especially attractive to this particular company. That's a good thing, because I loved working for Cardtronics, and I still point out their ATMs to my family whenever I see them. It's one of the few tangible things I can point to in everyday life that is a result of my work - I helped design the decorative wrapper and graphics on some Cardtronics ATMs.
Anyway, I filled out a form for the recruiter, and she's going to schedule an interview for me next week, probably on Monday, Wednesday or Friday, since I'll be in the city for the aforementioned social events anyway. The company is located at the World Trade Center, so that's a pretty convenient commute, just a little farther on the E line than I used to do, but downtown instead of uptown. So I'm crossing my fingers that this will turn out to be the end of my time off, although I will certainly miss being on extended vacation.
The downside is that I was thinking about visiting my friends who live points west of here, like Christine and Monica (who both live near Pittsburgh), Joanna and Mandy (who live in Central Ohio) and Colleen (who lives in Indianapolis) and just sleeping on people's couches or my air mattress to save on expenses.
I've also been seriously thinking about going back down to Houston and visiting my friends in the community down there, plus maybe visiting Linda and Meredith. I don't have any desire to see my parents, but I suppose I would let them know I was coming just to extend an olive branch. What I really miss is the food in Houston - when I play the "last meal" game, most of my dishes come from Houston restaurants ("4 things" - Aug. 30, 2007). If I get this job, I probably won't have the time to do that for a while. We'll have to see what transpires.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Learning about polyamory
This is a very interesting and enlightening commentary written by a San Francisco blogger about how she educated herself about polyamory by reading Jenny Block's book Open. I like the way she describes her thought process from believing that polyamory won't work to understanding that at its core, polyamory isn't really about having multiple sex partners. At its core, polyamory is about creating workable, fulfilling relationships outside of traditional monogamy.
She writes: I love that being attracted to, or even coupling with, someone else doesn't have to be a relationship's deal-breaker. Even more so, I'm enthralled with the sense of personal satisfaction, empowerment, and validation -- and interpersonal intimacy and connection -- that the necessary communication about such a possibility would foster. Mostly, I'm glad that my fear about what a relationship has to be is starting to be lifted. Because I do want a partnership. I just don't want any of the kinds I've already seen.
Read the full post: Open wide: Polyamory reconsidered
She writes: I love that being attracted to, or even coupling with, someone else doesn't have to be a relationship's deal-breaker. Even more so, I'm enthralled with the sense of personal satisfaction, empowerment, and validation -- and interpersonal intimacy and connection -- that the necessary communication about such a possibility would foster. Mostly, I'm glad that my fear about what a relationship has to be is starting to be lifted. Because I do want a partnership. I just don't want any of the kinds I've already seen.
Read the full post: Open wide: Polyamory reconsidered
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Birthdays, MTV and Polina
This is going to be the longest post ever written in this blog, with lots of pictures, and important stuff about Polina, so settle in if you're interested in reading. I'm going to tackle things chronologically because a lot's happened in the past 72 hours and I don't want to miss anything.
Saturday morning I picked up Bug and Tara and we went to our local comic book store for Free Comic Book Day. It was the first time since I've moved here that we didn't go to Midtown Comics in Times Square for this event. Midtown does a great job, but it's a bit of a hassle because the line starts forming an hour before the store opens, and by the time we typically get there, it's about 50 people long and it's still at least 30 minutes before opening. Plus we have to find parking and pay for bridge toll, etc., etc. It's been fun in the past, but it's just not worth it for free comic books. Besides, we want to support our local stores that we shop at more frequently.
Saturday night I was invited to my friend Leon's birthday party at River, a bar in Hell's Kitchen where he and his friend Paloma were guest-bartending for the night. It was also my first time taking the bus in from my apartment to Port Authority Bus Terminal, since the trains in my area don't run on weekends. There's a transit center about 500 feet from my apartment across the highway, so it's super-convenient to park Yoshi there, hop on a bus for $6 (cheaper than paying the $8 bridge toll) and go directly to Port Authority.
Leon is one of my friends involved in creating Open Love NY (a group of people which I geekily refer to as "the Separatists" in a Star Wars reference) and one of the nicest guys I know. When I walked in I gave him a hug and he introduced Paloma, who recognized me from a past Polyamorous NYC meeting, although I didn't remember her. I suppose I do tend to stick out in a crowd, being a tall Asian girl in a group of medium-sized, mostly white people (although Leon is six-foot-six). Leon expertly made me a blueberry cosmopolitan and I settled into a barstool next to two young women named Casey and Michelle (yes, same spelling - I checked). My friend Simon came in shortly after and sat down next to me on the other side.
Simon and I spent most of the evening chatting with Casey and Michelle, and we seemed to hit it off well, although they are not polyamorous and it was fun watching Casey's face as Simon was explaining polyamory to her. Casey and I are in similar lines of work, and we both lost our jobs in December. She looks a lot like Ferris Bueller's girlfriend Sloane Peterson in the 1986 movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She and Michelle are long-time friends, having grown up together since Catholic elementary school. So when it was getting late, the three of us left at the same time (Simon stayed behind) and they kindly offered me a lift back to New Jersey so I wouldn't have to take the bus home. After dropping me off at Yoshi, they turned around and drove back to Queens. It was a very generous gesture, and I hope we'll see each other again at some point just to hang out and talk more.
Sunday morning I picked up my family and we went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which I thought was a pretty good movie, although a little slow in some parts between action sequences. Also, I wish we were either given more intel on new characters, or that established characters from the comic were used more. Also, some of plot had a few Sentinel-sized holes, but what the hey, it's a comic book movie. But lastly, I found out the meaning of my friend Joanna's cryptic comment about the character Deadpool - there are two different Easter eggs tacked on after the closing credits, and we saw the one about Wolverine in Japan. See this article for details, but watch out for spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.
Monday night was my friend Diana's MTV party at my old burlesque studio The Slipper Room, where Agnieszka and I took six weeks of burlesque dance classes. As I've mentioned in this blog before ("Diana Adams on TV" - March 4, 2009) Diana is an activist for the sex-positive community in New York and she is currently working with the award-winning docuseries MTV True Life for an episode titled "I'm Polyamorous." The show spotlights Diana's life with her long-time boyfriend and current girlfriend Kerry, who is 21 and exploring bisexuality for the first time, and follows their lives as they experience what it's like to be young and polyamorous today. MTV's camera crew was at the party filming the performances and setting up conversation scenes for the show, which premieres in August.
At this point, I'll start talking about Polina. As I was getting ready to leave my apartment for the party, she called me up out of the blue. I say that because I had left her a voice message last Sunday (4/26) which she never returned, although we swapped a couple off-line chat messages on the computer last week. So in the short time we had to talk before I had to leave, I explained to her that not returning phone calls was unacceptable if we were going to even be friends, let alone anything more than that. She apologized and promised not to do it again, and we planned to meet at the party later in the evening, as she was on the performers lineup to do a reading of some of her poetry.
When I got to the club, the entertainment started with a performance by Tash and Sarah, two members of The Gyronauts, a troupe of hula-hoop performers. Sarah performed solo at the Poly Pride rally last year, and I was very impressed with her skills, especially since I can't hoop to save my life.
I later learned from my friend Buck that Polina had arrived at the club before I got there, but couldn't get in because she's under the legal drinking age, even though she's a performer. So she went to visit a friend in the city instead, and on the phone we made plans to see each other Tuesday at her home in Staten Island.
Since The Slipper Room is a burlesque theater there were a few burlesque acts, both male ("boylesque") and female, and by far the best one was by a performer named Anita Cookie (say that fast), who did a clever routine with a tweed trenchcoat to the tune of Engelbert Humperdinck's "A Man Without Love." As someone who trained in burlesque, I can tell she put a lot of effort into creating her routine and I was very impressed. Since this is a PG-13 blog, I didn't take a picture while she was performing (she stripped down to pasties and a g-string) but I loved the tattoo on her shoulder, which she let me photograph after coming offstage:
I ran into so many people in the poly community at the party, it was very exciting having so many of my friends and acquaintances in one place at the same time (unfortunately minus Polina). Besides Buck and Diana, Leon, Paloma, Lyndell, Justen (from Polyamorous NYC), Birgitte and her girlfriend Erika all showed up. Erika and I worked closely together back in March ("Poly Leadership Summit 2009" - March 3, 2009) and Birgitte and I worked together on the New York Times article and the Poly Pride Rally in Central Park last year ("Poly public relations" - October 5, 2008). I also ran into Storm, a young poly woman who came to one of my New Women's Polyamory support group meetings. Plus there were one or two other people who recognized me from the Leadership Summit.
For the MTV portion of the night, the camera crew set up two group conversations with people who agreed to appear and speak on camera. In the first group, Buck, Justen, Lyndell and myself represented a group of experienced polyamorists giving advice to Kerry, while Diana looked on. In the second group, they rounded up a bunch of younger poly-friendly and poly-curious people to talk with Kerry as peers about their experiences with polyamory. In this photo, the back of Birgitte's head is directly in front of the camera, Diana and Kerry are sitting to her right, then continuing around the table is a guy I don't know, then Tash, then a girl I don't know, then Sarah, and her girlfriend Caitlin.
It was an incredibly fun night, and the only real drama was at the end, when I lost track of time and almost missed the last train back to New Jersey. Leon was a lifesaver in hustling me, Storm, her boyfriend, another woman and himself into a shared cab and getting us to Penn Station in less than 12 minutes. I made it to the train with less than 15 seconds to spare.
Tuesday morning I drove out to Penny's house and we cooked some pasta together for lunch and she gave me a souvenir from her trip, a pendant made from an Argentine one peso coin with the outline of the church tower carved out. She didn't know that I have a passing interest in numismatics and notaphily, but that made it an especially appropriate gift for me. She also gave me a copy of the graphic novel The Professor's Daughter, which she picked up from a comics writers convention on Saturday, and I gave her an extra copy of the free Wolverine Saga comic that I had also given to Tara last week. She showed me her photos and videos from the trip, and then we took a walk down to the beach in front of her house. We talked for a long time about our relationship, which I felt was on the cusp of becoming more serious three months ago when she left for her trip.
As I've outlined in my theory on unconditional love, I don't put expectations on what a relationship is going to be. Polina and I try to practice what is known as "radical honesty," or being as direct as possible about our feelings without worrying about hurting each other, because we both know we have no intention of doing so. During our walk, I made myself clear about how her inattentiveness at times was hurtful to me (e.g., not returning phone calls), and she made herself clear that she did not want our relationship to change, either to be more serious or more casual. We agreed that we're going to try and keep our relationship somewhere between friends and lovers, without any additional expectations or commitments from anybody. At least for now, this is the relationship that works for both of us, and we've communicated our needs to each other. Whether and how we are both able to fulfill those needs will determine where we go from here.
As I said in my theory post, love is rarely a game played on equal terms, and we both understand that my feelings for her are probably stronger than hers are for me, although she enjoys my company very much, and we are physically affectionate, but platonic. Perhaps we can be described as "physically affectionate friends." She describes her feelings as loving me, but just not being in love with me. To her, being in love is that crazy, almost frantic, change-your-life impulse where you would do almost anything for the other person. Her view reminds me of the following quote from Daniel Pinchbeck's book, 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl:
"Robert Johnson notes that the English language reflects our emotional paucity. Ancient Persian and Sanskrit possessed more than eighty words for love, denoting different qualities and valences of communal and erotic feeling. Whether we want to proclaim our affection for Krispy Kreme doughnuts or our significant other, we are stuck with just the single word, obliterating differences and qualities."
For my part, since I'm always trying to live in the present, I never considered the idea that we would be long-term partners nor have I ever made any decision about our relationship based on anything other than how I feel about her moment to moment. Certainly some might question why I would want to continue spending time with someone who doesn't love me as much as I love them. There are several reasons:
1. First and foremost, she's a lot of fun to be with, and as I've said before, I'm attracted to the specific wavelength of energy she puts out, and that hasn't changed. We learn a lot from each other and we both enjoy being physically affectionate. That's not something I find often from anybody, so it's a rare gift I'm not willing to throw away.
2. Since we're polyamorous, we are both supportive of long-term, romantically committed, multi-partner relationships, meaning that if either or both of us wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else, we would each be supportive of the other. Our relationship is such that we can talk openly about being attracted to other people, and we know this is not a reflection on our attraction for each other. Since there's no "goal" to our relationship, it's possible that we could remain physically affectionate friends indefinitely, even as other more serious relationships come and go in our lives.
3. After my experience with Agnieszka Prime, I'm really not afraid of being hurt by a partner again. I've been through the worst, and I know how to keep it from happening again. Plus, Polina has always been open and honest about her feelings for me, so there's little chance of having unfulfilled expectations with her. So if I were to abandon our friendship, it would be me acting out of fear, and I don't want to do that. If I did, it would be like saying that I learned nothing from my experience with AP. And as I wrote before, if I go through life trying to avoid getting hurt, I'm going to miss a lot of chances to be happy.
And that's the sum of it, I suppose. I don't believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to relationships - it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Tara and I talk about this all the time - you put one foot in front of the other, take it one day at a time, be good to one another, and all we can do is see where the path takes you. We can't control or predict what's going to happen in the future, so it doesn't make sense to base decisions in the present on a guess about it. All we can do is try to be happy in the moment, and at this moment, my life is happier with Penny in it.
After our long walk, we drove into the city to meet up with her parents and grandparents at the Cinema Village to see a movie called Perestroika. Since Penny's family is Ukrainian and Jewish, this was a very personal film for them, and I enjoyed it a lot myself. I'd describe it as Woody Allen directing a movie based on a book by Milan Kundera. Afterwards I took Penny home while the rest of her family went to Brooklyn to drop off the grandparents before meeting up with us in Staten Island. We had a late supper of her mom's famous cabbage borscht (my first, I believe) and our leftover pasta from lunch.
Penny and I went upstairs and poked around on her Facebook page and other things online until it got so late that I just decided to accept her offer to stay in the guest room so I wouldn't have to drive home in the pouring rain at night. We stayed up past 3 a.m. in her room talking more about her trip to Argentina before I finally retired to the guest bed. I woke up early, got dressed and kissed Penny goodbye, leaving her to catch some extra zzz's while I drove home. It was a very good visit, in so many ways.
Saturday morning I picked up Bug and Tara and we went to our local comic book store for Free Comic Book Day. It was the first time since I've moved here that we didn't go to Midtown Comics in Times Square for this event. Midtown does a great job, but it's a bit of a hassle because the line starts forming an hour before the store opens, and by the time we typically get there, it's about 50 people long and it's still at least 30 minutes before opening. Plus we have to find parking and pay for bridge toll, etc., etc. It's been fun in the past, but it's just not worth it for free comic books. Besides, we want to support our local stores that we shop at more frequently.
Saturday night I was invited to my friend Leon's birthday party at River, a bar in Hell's Kitchen where he and his friend Paloma were guest-bartending for the night. It was also my first time taking the bus in from my apartment to Port Authority Bus Terminal, since the trains in my area don't run on weekends. There's a transit center about 500 feet from my apartment across the highway, so it's super-convenient to park Yoshi there, hop on a bus for $6 (cheaper than paying the $8 bridge toll) and go directly to Port Authority.
Leon is one of my friends involved in creating Open Love NY (a group of people which I geekily refer to as "the Separatists" in a Star Wars reference) and one of the nicest guys I know. When I walked in I gave him a hug and he introduced Paloma, who recognized me from a past Polyamorous NYC meeting, although I didn't remember her. I suppose I do tend to stick out in a crowd, being a tall Asian girl in a group of medium-sized, mostly white people (although Leon is six-foot-six). Leon expertly made me a blueberry cosmopolitan and I settled into a barstool next to two young women named Casey and Michelle (yes, same spelling - I checked). My friend Simon came in shortly after and sat down next to me on the other side.
Simon and I spent most of the evening chatting with Casey and Michelle, and we seemed to hit it off well, although they are not polyamorous and it was fun watching Casey's face as Simon was explaining polyamory to her. Casey and I are in similar lines of work, and we both lost our jobs in December. She looks a lot like Ferris Bueller's girlfriend Sloane Peterson in the 1986 movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She and Michelle are long-time friends, having grown up together since Catholic elementary school. So when it was getting late, the three of us left at the same time (Simon stayed behind) and they kindly offered me a lift back to New Jersey so I wouldn't have to take the bus home. After dropping me off at Yoshi, they turned around and drove back to Queens. It was a very generous gesture, and I hope we'll see each other again at some point just to hang out and talk more.
Sunday morning I picked up my family and we went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which I thought was a pretty good movie, although a little slow in some parts between action sequences. Also, I wish we were either given more intel on new characters, or that established characters from the comic were used more. Also, some of plot had a few Sentinel-sized holes, but what the hey, it's a comic book movie. But lastly, I found out the meaning of my friend Joanna's cryptic comment about the character Deadpool - there are two different Easter eggs tacked on after the closing credits, and we saw the one about Wolverine in Japan. See this article for details, but watch out for spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.
Monday night was my friend Diana's MTV party at my old burlesque studio The Slipper Room, where Agnieszka and I took six weeks of burlesque dance classes. As I've mentioned in this blog before ("Diana Adams on TV" - March 4, 2009) Diana is an activist for the sex-positive community in New York and she is currently working with the award-winning docuseries MTV True Life for an episode titled "I'm Polyamorous." The show spotlights Diana's life with her long-time boyfriend and current girlfriend Kerry, who is 21 and exploring bisexuality for the first time, and follows their lives as they experience what it's like to be young and polyamorous today. MTV's camera crew was at the party filming the performances and setting up conversation scenes for the show, which premieres in August.
At this point, I'll start talking about Polina. As I was getting ready to leave my apartment for the party, she called me up out of the blue. I say that because I had left her a voice message last Sunday (4/26) which she never returned, although we swapped a couple off-line chat messages on the computer last week. So in the short time we had to talk before I had to leave, I explained to her that not returning phone calls was unacceptable if we were going to even be friends, let alone anything more than that. She apologized and promised not to do it again, and we planned to meet at the party later in the evening, as she was on the performers lineup to do a reading of some of her poetry.
When I got to the club, the entertainment started with a performance by Tash and Sarah, two members of The Gyronauts, a troupe of hula-hoop performers. Sarah performed solo at the Poly Pride rally last year, and I was very impressed with her skills, especially since I can't hoop to save my life.
I later learned from my friend Buck that Polina had arrived at the club before I got there, but couldn't get in because she's under the legal drinking age, even though she's a performer. So she went to visit a friend in the city instead, and on the phone we made plans to see each other Tuesday at her home in Staten Island.
Since The Slipper Room is a burlesque theater there were a few burlesque acts, both male ("boylesque") and female, and by far the best one was by a performer named Anita Cookie (say that fast), who did a clever routine with a tweed trenchcoat to the tune of Engelbert Humperdinck's "A Man Without Love." As someone who trained in burlesque, I can tell she put a lot of effort into creating her routine and I was very impressed. Since this is a PG-13 blog, I didn't take a picture while she was performing (she stripped down to pasties and a g-string) but I loved the tattoo on her shoulder, which she let me photograph after coming offstage:
I ran into so many people in the poly community at the party, it was very exciting having so many of my friends and acquaintances in one place at the same time (unfortunately minus Polina). Besides Buck and Diana, Leon, Paloma, Lyndell, Justen (from Polyamorous NYC), Birgitte and her girlfriend Erika all showed up. Erika and I worked closely together back in March ("Poly Leadership Summit 2009" - March 3, 2009) and Birgitte and I worked together on the New York Times article and the Poly Pride Rally in Central Park last year ("Poly public relations" - October 5, 2008). I also ran into Storm, a young poly woman who came to one of my New Women's Polyamory support group meetings. Plus there were one or two other people who recognized me from the Leadership Summit.
For the MTV portion of the night, the camera crew set up two group conversations with people who agreed to appear and speak on camera. In the first group, Buck, Justen, Lyndell and myself represented a group of experienced polyamorists giving advice to Kerry, while Diana looked on. In the second group, they rounded up a bunch of younger poly-friendly and poly-curious people to talk with Kerry as peers about their experiences with polyamory. In this photo, the back of Birgitte's head is directly in front of the camera, Diana and Kerry are sitting to her right, then continuing around the table is a guy I don't know, then Tash, then a girl I don't know, then Sarah, and her girlfriend Caitlin.
It was an incredibly fun night, and the only real drama was at the end, when I lost track of time and almost missed the last train back to New Jersey. Leon was a lifesaver in hustling me, Storm, her boyfriend, another woman and himself into a shared cab and getting us to Penn Station in less than 12 minutes. I made it to the train with less than 15 seconds to spare.
Tuesday morning I drove out to Penny's house and we cooked some pasta together for lunch and she gave me a souvenir from her trip, a pendant made from an Argentine one peso coin with the outline of the church tower carved out. She didn't know that I have a passing interest in numismatics and notaphily, but that made it an especially appropriate gift for me. She also gave me a copy of the graphic novel The Professor's Daughter, which she picked up from a comics writers convention on Saturday, and I gave her an extra copy of the free Wolverine Saga comic that I had also given to Tara last week. She showed me her photos and videos from the trip, and then we took a walk down to the beach in front of her house. We talked for a long time about our relationship, which I felt was on the cusp of becoming more serious three months ago when she left for her trip.
As I've outlined in my theory on unconditional love, I don't put expectations on what a relationship is going to be. Polina and I try to practice what is known as "radical honesty," or being as direct as possible about our feelings without worrying about hurting each other, because we both know we have no intention of doing so. During our walk, I made myself clear about how her inattentiveness at times was hurtful to me (e.g., not returning phone calls), and she made herself clear that she did not want our relationship to change, either to be more serious or more casual. We agreed that we're going to try and keep our relationship somewhere between friends and lovers, without any additional expectations or commitments from anybody. At least for now, this is the relationship that works for both of us, and we've communicated our needs to each other. Whether and how we are both able to fulfill those needs will determine where we go from here.
As I said in my theory post, love is rarely a game played on equal terms, and we both understand that my feelings for her are probably stronger than hers are for me, although she enjoys my company very much, and we are physically affectionate, but platonic. Perhaps we can be described as "physically affectionate friends." She describes her feelings as loving me, but just not being in love with me. To her, being in love is that crazy, almost frantic, change-your-life impulse where you would do almost anything for the other person. Her view reminds me of the following quote from Daniel Pinchbeck's book, 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl:
"Robert Johnson notes that the English language reflects our emotional paucity. Ancient Persian and Sanskrit possessed more than eighty words for love, denoting different qualities and valences of communal and erotic feeling. Whether we want to proclaim our affection for Krispy Kreme doughnuts or our significant other, we are stuck with just the single word, obliterating differences and qualities."
For my part, since I'm always trying to live in the present, I never considered the idea that we would be long-term partners nor have I ever made any decision about our relationship based on anything other than how I feel about her moment to moment. Certainly some might question why I would want to continue spending time with someone who doesn't love me as much as I love them. There are several reasons:
1. First and foremost, she's a lot of fun to be with, and as I've said before, I'm attracted to the specific wavelength of energy she puts out, and that hasn't changed. We learn a lot from each other and we both enjoy being physically affectionate. That's not something I find often from anybody, so it's a rare gift I'm not willing to throw away.
2. Since we're polyamorous, we are both supportive of long-term, romantically committed, multi-partner relationships, meaning that if either or both of us wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else, we would each be supportive of the other. Our relationship is such that we can talk openly about being attracted to other people, and we know this is not a reflection on our attraction for each other. Since there's no "goal" to our relationship, it's possible that we could remain physically affectionate friends indefinitely, even as other more serious relationships come and go in our lives.
3. After my experience with Agnieszka Prime, I'm really not afraid of being hurt by a partner again. I've been through the worst, and I know how to keep it from happening again. Plus, Polina has always been open and honest about her feelings for me, so there's little chance of having unfulfilled expectations with her. So if I were to abandon our friendship, it would be me acting out of fear, and I don't want to do that. If I did, it would be like saying that I learned nothing from my experience with AP. And as I wrote before, if I go through life trying to avoid getting hurt, I'm going to miss a lot of chances to be happy.
And that's the sum of it, I suppose. I don't believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to relationships - it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Tara and I talk about this all the time - you put one foot in front of the other, take it one day at a time, be good to one another, and all we can do is see where the path takes you. We can't control or predict what's going to happen in the future, so it doesn't make sense to base decisions in the present on a guess about it. All we can do is try to be happy in the moment, and at this moment, my life is happier with Penny in it.
After our long walk, we drove into the city to meet up with her parents and grandparents at the Cinema Village to see a movie called Perestroika. Since Penny's family is Ukrainian and Jewish, this was a very personal film for them, and I enjoyed it a lot myself. I'd describe it as Woody Allen directing a movie based on a book by Milan Kundera. Afterwards I took Penny home while the rest of her family went to Brooklyn to drop off the grandparents before meeting up with us in Staten Island. We had a late supper of her mom's famous cabbage borscht (my first, I believe) and our leftover pasta from lunch.
Penny and I went upstairs and poked around on her Facebook page and other things online until it got so late that I just decided to accept her offer to stay in the guest room so I wouldn't have to drive home in the pouring rain at night. We stayed up past 3 a.m. in her room talking more about her trip to Argentina before I finally retired to the guest bed. I woke up early, got dressed and kissed Penny goodbye, leaving her to catch some extra zzz's while I drove home. It was a very good visit, in so many ways.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Music I-IV
When Tara and I were first starting to get to know each other, she gave me a set of four CDs of music that she called Music I-IV. It was a real-time mix of music from artists such as Michael Franti, Saul Williams, Keith Jarrett, Jan Garbarek & the Hilliard Ensemble, Jon Anderson, King Crimson, Dream Theater, and many others. As I said, she created it in real-time, listening to each track and deciding in the moment what song should come next, until it reached its natural conclusion. I listened to it for the first time in much the same way, playing it non-stop on my iPod during my cross-country drive from Houston to Los Angeles in June 2005.
I sent my friend Linda my own version of Music I-IV this week, a set of four CDs that I've blogged about the past several months - Porcupine Tree, Songs from and inspired by Twilight, Music for a New Life, and Live in Concert. Played in this order, these four mixes represent a musical journey that I've taken in the past year or so. I did update the two older mixes, and customized the third one since Linda went out and bought Jeff Buckley's Grace album already, so those track listings are now as follows:
Porcupine Tree Mix
Nil Recurring
Halo
Blackest Eyes
Trains
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here
Open Car
Anesthetize
Lazarus
Prodigal
Shallow
What Happens Now?
This mix I've given to several people besides Bee, and the updated version shown here includes two tracks from the band's latest EP, Nil Recurring, which I purchased at the Beacon Theater the last time we saw them in concert.
Twilight Mix
Decode by Paramore
Spotlight (Twilight Mix) by Mute Math
Supermassive Black Hole by Muse
Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park
Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation
Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine
The Scientist by Coldplay
Brighter by Paramore
World In My Eyes by Depeche Mode
In the End by Linkin Park
Sweet Sacrifice by Evanescence
Miracle by Paramore
Vicarious by Tool
Assassin by Muse
My Heart by Paramore
Lovesong for a Vampire by Annie Lenox
I've said that the lasting impact of the Twilight phenomenon might be its soundtrack, which introduced many listeners to bands such as Paramore, Linkin Park, Muse and Blue Foundation and revived a genre called alternative/gothic rock epitomized by records like After Dark from Barnes & Noble, and the original soundtrack to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
A key addition to my mix is the last song by Annie Lenox, a gross oversight considering the title. This track is from the original soundtrack to Bram Stoker's Dracula, but I first came across it on the CD maxi-single of Annie Lenox's song "Little Bird" (now out of print). Aside from being one of the most beautiful songs that no one's ever heard of, this track has extremely strong low bass energy that requires subwoofers to do justice. The "beating heart" pulse extends well below 20hz, as I've discovered from playing it on the various subwoofers I've owned or lived with, including a 2 x 12-inch custom Soundstream box in my old car, a Miller & Kreisel MX-200 2 x 12-incher in my parents' home theater, a Muse 18-incher in a friend's apartment, a pair of Velodyne FSR-12 servo subs in my old house and my current system which includes two Outlaw LFM-1 Plus 12-inch subs (although only one is hooked up). Reproduced properly, the heartbeat can be felt throughout your whole body and adds a visceral dimension to a hauntingly lovely song.
Music for a New Life mix
Everyone Deserves Music - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Three of a Perfect Pair - King Crimson
It Will Be A Good Day (The River) - Yes
Settling - Tara MacLean
Forget Her - Jeff Buckley
Day for Night - Spock's Beard
Let Me Live - Queen
Sleeps With Butterflies - Tori Amos
Between the Wheels - Rush
Between You and Me - Marillion
Growing Up - Peter Gabriel
Remember - Roine Stolt
Bad - U2
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
On this mix I swapped out "Dream Brother" and "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley for his track "Forget Her" and "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap because Linda already has the first two Buckley tracks from his album Grace ("Forget Her" is a bonus track that is only available on the Legacy Edition). But for anybody else, I would definitely substitute "Dream Brother" for "Forget Her."
The Live Music Mix is exactly the same as I blogged about a couple weeks ago:
1. Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
2. Secret World by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
3. Lavender by Marillion (from Strange Bedfellows and Assorted Embarrassments 2)
4. Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park (from Road to Revolution)
5. Jigga What / Faint by Linkin Park & Jay Z (from Road to Revolution)
6. Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails (from And All That Could Have Been)
7. Open Car by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
8. Halo by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
9. One by U2 (from U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle DVD)
10. Hallelujah by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
11. Misery Business by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
12. Disintegration by The Cure (from Pictures of You CD single)
13. Time Is Running Out by Muse (from Absolution Tour DVD)
14. Take A Bow by Muse (from H.A.A.R.P.)
I've done some nice packaging for these four CDs (Polina and Tara have seen some of them) and to make it a set, I wrapped the four of them up in some handmade paper, tied with string and sealed with wax:
I've had a great time with this musical exploration and playing with the creative design and packaging of my mixes. It's something I will continue to pursue and share with people close to me.
I sent my friend Linda my own version of Music I-IV this week, a set of four CDs that I've blogged about the past several months - Porcupine Tree, Songs from and inspired by Twilight, Music for a New Life, and Live in Concert. Played in this order, these four mixes represent a musical journey that I've taken in the past year or so. I did update the two older mixes, and customized the third one since Linda went out and bought Jeff Buckley's Grace album already, so those track listings are now as follows:
Porcupine Tree Mix
Nil Recurring
Halo
Blackest Eyes
Trains
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here
Open Car
Anesthetize
Lazarus
Prodigal
Shallow
What Happens Now?
This mix I've given to several people besides Bee, and the updated version shown here includes two tracks from the band's latest EP, Nil Recurring, which I purchased at the Beacon Theater the last time we saw them in concert.
Twilight Mix
Decode by Paramore
Spotlight (Twilight Mix) by Mute Math
Supermassive Black Hole by Muse
Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park
Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation
Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine
The Scientist by Coldplay
Brighter by Paramore
World In My Eyes by Depeche Mode
In the End by Linkin Park
Sweet Sacrifice by Evanescence
Miracle by Paramore
Vicarious by Tool
Assassin by Muse
My Heart by Paramore
Lovesong for a Vampire by Annie Lenox
I've said that the lasting impact of the Twilight phenomenon might be its soundtrack, which introduced many listeners to bands such as Paramore, Linkin Park, Muse and Blue Foundation and revived a genre called alternative/gothic rock epitomized by records like After Dark from Barnes & Noble, and the original soundtrack to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
A key addition to my mix is the last song by Annie Lenox, a gross oversight considering the title. This track is from the original soundtrack to Bram Stoker's Dracula, but I first came across it on the CD maxi-single of Annie Lenox's song "Little Bird" (now out of print). Aside from being one of the most beautiful songs that no one's ever heard of, this track has extremely strong low bass energy that requires subwoofers to do justice. The "beating heart" pulse extends well below 20hz, as I've discovered from playing it on the various subwoofers I've owned or lived with, including a 2 x 12-inch custom Soundstream box in my old car, a Miller & Kreisel MX-200 2 x 12-incher in my parents' home theater, a Muse 18-incher in a friend's apartment, a pair of Velodyne FSR-12 servo subs in my old house and my current system which includes two Outlaw LFM-1 Plus 12-inch subs (although only one is hooked up). Reproduced properly, the heartbeat can be felt throughout your whole body and adds a visceral dimension to a hauntingly lovely song.
Music for a New Life mix
Everyone Deserves Music - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Three of a Perfect Pair - King Crimson
It Will Be A Good Day (The River) - Yes
Settling - Tara MacLean
Forget Her - Jeff Buckley
Day for Night - Spock's Beard
Let Me Live - Queen
Sleeps With Butterflies - Tori Amos
Between the Wheels - Rush
Between You and Me - Marillion
Growing Up - Peter Gabriel
Remember - Roine Stolt
Bad - U2
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
On this mix I swapped out "Dream Brother" and "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley for his track "Forget Her" and "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap because Linda already has the first two Buckley tracks from his album Grace ("Forget Her" is a bonus track that is only available on the Legacy Edition). But for anybody else, I would definitely substitute "Dream Brother" for "Forget Her."
The Live Music Mix is exactly the same as I blogged about a couple weeks ago:
1. Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
2. Secret World by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
3. Lavender by Marillion (from Strange Bedfellows and Assorted Embarrassments 2)
4. Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park (from Road to Revolution)
5. Jigga What / Faint by Linkin Park & Jay Z (from Road to Revolution)
6. Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails (from And All That Could Have Been)
7. Open Car by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
8. Halo by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
9. One by U2 (from U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle DVD)
10. Hallelujah by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
11. Misery Business by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
12. Disintegration by The Cure (from Pictures of You CD single)
13. Time Is Running Out by Muse (from Absolution Tour DVD)
14. Take A Bow by Muse (from H.A.A.R.P.)
I've done some nice packaging for these four CDs (Polina and Tara have seen some of them) and to make it a set, I wrapped the four of them up in some handmade paper, tied with string and sealed with wax:
I've had a great time with this musical exploration and playing with the creative design and packaging of my mixes. It's something I will continue to pursue and share with people close to me.
Beltane
Before I go to bed, I wanted to wish everyone a happy Beltane. The Earth softens under the caress of the sun and all the world is new. We emerge from the darkness of a long, difficult winter; our eyes drink in rolling green hills budding branches and tender shoots. We breathe deeply the fresh fragrance of radiant blossoms, as long as our supply of Zyrtec holds up.
My family came over tonight and we watched The Last Temptation of Christ, a novel way to celebrate a major pagan Sabbat, but appropriate in a way since we found merriment in Martin Scorsese's curious casting decisions, and the rhythmic drumming in the score by Peter Gabriel. This is a movie that has always moved me, in the past moreso for the controversy it provoked, or for the memorable visual imagery. But watching it for the first time in more than a decade, I found it to be much more evocative from a spiritual point of view, for the obvious reason that I'm a much more spiritual person than I used to be.
On a personal note, May 1st also marks the third anniversary of arriving in New Jersey from Houston in 2006 - obviously a major milestone in my life. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday, and sometimes it seems like ages ago, driving in, meeting my family in the parking lot of the Residence Inn that I stayed at for a month. So much has changed.
Anyway, better get to bed so I can get up early for Free Comic Book Day tomorrow - it's always the first Saturday in May. If you are near a comic book store tomorrow, drop in and collect your free comics!
My family came over tonight and we watched The Last Temptation of Christ, a novel way to celebrate a major pagan Sabbat, but appropriate in a way since we found merriment in Martin Scorsese's curious casting decisions, and the rhythmic drumming in the score by Peter Gabriel. This is a movie that has always moved me, in the past moreso for the controversy it provoked, or for the memorable visual imagery. But watching it for the first time in more than a decade, I found it to be much more evocative from a spiritual point of view, for the obvious reason that I'm a much more spiritual person than I used to be.
On a personal note, May 1st also marks the third anniversary of arriving in New Jersey from Houston in 2006 - obviously a major milestone in my life. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday, and sometimes it seems like ages ago, driving in, meeting my family in the parking lot of the Residence Inn that I stayed at for a month. So much has changed.
Anyway, better get to bed so I can get up early for Free Comic Book Day tomorrow - it's always the first Saturday in May. If you are near a comic book store tomorrow, drop in and collect your free comics!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Cat humor
Heh, this is the funniest little clip, taken from Bug's Web site. She says it's a good idea of her morning routine (my family has three cats, in case you were wondering...)
I spent the day sending out the press release for Katelynn's appearance at the next Polyamorous NYC meeting on May 20, and secured a listing with a photo in HX Magazine, one of the more prominent free gay publications in the city. I'm hoping we will get some mainstream media at the event as well.
Tara and I had one of our long poly-mono discussions last night, which always seems to upset her moreso than me. I miss our physical intimacy very much, and as that's the only thing I'm not getting from her and it's very unlikely we'll resume that activity, I'm forced to seek it elsewhere unless I'm planning to be asexual. I've never been very good with dating, but I have faith that the right person (or persons) will come along someday.
I spent the day sending out the press release for Katelynn's appearance at the next Polyamorous NYC meeting on May 20, and secured a listing with a photo in HX Magazine, one of the more prominent free gay publications in the city. I'm hoping we will get some mainstream media at the event as well.
Tara and I had one of our long poly-mono discussions last night, which always seems to upset her moreso than me. I miss our physical intimacy very much, and as that's the only thing I'm not getting from her and it's very unlikely we'll resume that activity, I'm forced to seek it elsewhere unless I'm planning to be asexual. I've never been very good with dating, but I have faith that the right person (or persons) will come along someday.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Everywhere I look, people are asking me to join Facebook, and so far, I've resisted. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. Because next thing you know I'll be Twittering and who knows what else down the road. Why can't people just pick up a phone and reach out to talk to each other?
One of the reasons I started blogging in 2005 was that my circle of friends was expanding and it was a way for me to let people know what I was doing without my having to write separate emails to everyone. In a way it has worked, in the sense that there are some people who follow my life that I have little contact with otherwise. Once in a while they will drop me a comment or email, but we not involved with each other's day-to-day lives. The exception is my friend Linda, with whom I exchange long and candid letters every week or so, but then, we have both always been writers at heart.
That's why this idea of constantly letting people know what's happening in your life through electronic updates doesn't really appeal to me. I'd rather get the story in person when we meet, even if it's infrequently. Perhaps my relationship with Tara has also spoiled me, since she's the only person who I talk to on the phone every day. It's hard for me now to imagine having a meaningful relationship with someone without hearing their voice every day.
I suppose that to some of my younger, hipper readers this sounds terribly old-fashioned. But the truth is that social media technology doesn't serve the purpose if it doesn't bring people closer together. And for me, the only way that happens is real-time communication, on the phone or in person. And hugs, lots of hugs.
One of the reasons I started blogging in 2005 was that my circle of friends was expanding and it was a way for me to let people know what I was doing without my having to write separate emails to everyone. In a way it has worked, in the sense that there are some people who follow my life that I have little contact with otherwise. Once in a while they will drop me a comment or email, but we not involved with each other's day-to-day lives. The exception is my friend Linda, with whom I exchange long and candid letters every week or so, but then, we have both always been writers at heart.
That's why this idea of constantly letting people know what's happening in your life through electronic updates doesn't really appeal to me. I'd rather get the story in person when we meet, even if it's infrequently. Perhaps my relationship with Tara has also spoiled me, since she's the only person who I talk to on the phone every day. It's hard for me now to imagine having a meaningful relationship with someone without hearing their voice every day.
I suppose that to some of my younger, hipper readers this sounds terribly old-fashioned. But the truth is that social media technology doesn't serve the purpose if it doesn't bring people closer together. And for me, the only way that happens is real-time communication, on the phone or in person. And hugs, lots of hugs.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Birthday picnic
Saturday was a continuation of Bee's birthday celebration with a picnic trip to Harriman State Park in New York. We drove up to Seven Lakes Drive, which winds its way through the park, and found a road closed due to a bridge being out. We drove around the sign and parked at the foot of the bridge and set up our picnic spot on an outcropping on the side of the road overlooking a lake. The sun was quite strong so we set up some umbrellas for shade.
Bee, Bug and I had pasta primavera and fruit salads, while Tara had cheese sandwiches and potato chips. After eating, Bee opened some of her presents, which included a gift card for Nordstrom Spa from me. Tara walked around and took some pictures while the rest of us dozed either lying on the picnic blanket or in a camp chair.
We packed up and drove toward the city, stopping at a gas station to change our clothes before going into New York to see Waiting for Godot, the play by Samuel Beckett, starring Nathan Lane, Bill Irwin, John Goodman and John Glover. It wasn't quite what any of us were expecting, but it proved to be very thought-provoking and stimulated a lot of conversation on the way home. Once we got home and unpacked Yoshi, we had some ice cream cupcakes from Maggie Moo's and Bee opened some more of her presents before calling it a night.
Sunday I went into the city myself for a meeting with the PolyNYC Board to brainstorm on publicity efforts surrounding Katelynn's appearance at the May 20th meeting. There was some discussion on what we would do if she had to cancel on us, and if that were to happen, I volunteered to step in and do a presentation. Hopefully that will not be the way it plays out. The meeting turned into a two-and-a-half hour discussion about religion, GLBT issues and our personal experiences as GLBT people. It was quite interesting and experiences like this and like the dinner at Sylvia's are giving me a crash-course in gay and bi culture and understanding the issues around being a sexual minority in this country.
As I discovered from visiting the Google home page, today is Samuel Morse's birthday, the inventor of Morse Code. So appropriately enough, I invited Tara over to watch Let the Right One In with me, the Swedish vampire movie I love so much ("One of the best of 2008" - March 11, 2009). Afterwards Bee and Bug came over and we watched the season finale of Heroes, which left me feeling a little unsatisfied.
Bee, Bug and I had pasta primavera and fruit salads, while Tara had cheese sandwiches and potato chips. After eating, Bee opened some of her presents, which included a gift card for Nordstrom Spa from me. Tara walked around and took some pictures while the rest of us dozed either lying on the picnic blanket or in a camp chair.
We packed up and drove toward the city, stopping at a gas station to change our clothes before going into New York to see Waiting for Godot, the play by Samuel Beckett, starring Nathan Lane, Bill Irwin, John Goodman and John Glover. It wasn't quite what any of us were expecting, but it proved to be very thought-provoking and stimulated a lot of conversation on the way home. Once we got home and unpacked Yoshi, we had some ice cream cupcakes from Maggie Moo's and Bee opened some more of her presents before calling it a night.
Sunday I went into the city myself for a meeting with the PolyNYC Board to brainstorm on publicity efforts surrounding Katelynn's appearance at the May 20th meeting. There was some discussion on what we would do if she had to cancel on us, and if that were to happen, I volunteered to step in and do a presentation. Hopefully that will not be the way it plays out. The meeting turned into a two-and-a-half hour discussion about religion, GLBT issues and our personal experiences as GLBT people. It was quite interesting and experiences like this and like the dinner at Sylvia's are giving me a crash-course in gay and bi culture and understanding the issues around being a sexual minority in this country.
As I discovered from visiting the Google home page, today is Samuel Morse's birthday, the inventor of Morse Code. So appropriately enough, I invited Tara over to watch Let the Right One In with me, the Swedish vampire movie I love so much ("One of the best of 2008" - March 11, 2009). Afterwards Bee and Bug came over and we watched the season finale of Heroes, which left me feeling a little unsatisfied.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Fire play
Lots of things to talk about, starting with the verdict in the Zapata murder trial - the defendant was found guilty of first-degree murder and that it was a hate crime. It's one of the first times that a hate-crimes law was applied to the death of a transgender person. I'm just glad the deception argument (or what I call "The Crying Game defense") was unsuccessful.
Here's a photo of me talking with my bisexual women's group at Sylvia's Restaurant last Sunday, that was just posted on our group Web site:
Last night we had our first official planning meeting of Open Love NY at my friend Kyle's apartment, the first time I'd been there. I'm always astonished at the quirks of New York living spaces, not the least of which is how little you get for your money in the city. Kyle and I pay about the same amount in rent, but his entire apartment (which he shares with a roommate) is probably less than a third the square footage as mine, and without air conditioning, parking, washer/dryer, window views or a lot of the amenities I take for granted. But the weird thing is that his sink and shower are inside his front door, but the private toilet is in a separate space with its own door a few steps down the hallway, so he has to use a key to get into his own toilet.
We met for about two-and-a-half hours before Kyle had to go to work, and then Simon, Buck, Lyndell and I walked 10 blocks to a club called Dtox where a friend of ours was throwing a party for open-minded people of all stripes. Her name is Mina, and I met her the same night I met Simon and Lyndell, at the Supermassive Cuddle Party in 2007. Although we have only seen each other infrequently since then at PolyNYC meetings, she belongs to a pretty small group of individuals (seven and counting, six in my adult life) who have kissed me on the lips with romantic intent. If it seems like a lot, then you need to get out more.
Anyway, Mina was performing what she calls fire play on volunteers at the back of the bar, where a padded bench was situated in the middle of a small dance floor. This involved the subjects (Lyndell took a turn) disrobing from the waist up and laying facedown on the bench. Mina would then take two rods about the size of chopsticks with gauze wrapped at each end, soaked in alcohol and light them on fire. She would tap the person's back with the flaming tips, transferring some of the burning alcohol to the skin, where it would burn for a fraction of a second before Mina put it out with her hand. Then she would go one step further and draw curves with a non-flaming alcohol swab, then light it, creating arcs of flame for an instant at a time before snuffing them out. She also used an alcohol sprayer with a flame in front of it to spray flame at the skin, but it never caught fire (although it seems like it could if the person was hairy). I was talking to Lyndell while she was doing this last bit and the flame spray got really close to my face, but Mina was very careful.
It's the first time I'd seen fire play, so I was asking a lot of questions about it - was it performance art or some kind of fetish play? Mina says it's just fun, and other people commented that it's also a display of trust for the bottom (the person it's being performed on). For me, it was just a fascinating example of the diversity of human play that I've never been exposed to before.
Speaking of play, since the weather is so nice today, maybe Tara and I will go out and have a nice, ordinary game of tennis.
Here's a photo of me talking with my bisexual women's group at Sylvia's Restaurant last Sunday, that was just posted on our group Web site:
Last night we had our first official planning meeting of Open Love NY at my friend Kyle's apartment, the first time I'd been there. I'm always astonished at the quirks of New York living spaces, not the least of which is how little you get for your money in the city. Kyle and I pay about the same amount in rent, but his entire apartment (which he shares with a roommate) is probably less than a third the square footage as mine, and without air conditioning, parking, washer/dryer, window views or a lot of the amenities I take for granted. But the weird thing is that his sink and shower are inside his front door, but the private toilet is in a separate space with its own door a few steps down the hallway, so he has to use a key to get into his own toilet.
We met for about two-and-a-half hours before Kyle had to go to work, and then Simon, Buck, Lyndell and I walked 10 blocks to a club called Dtox where a friend of ours was throwing a party for open-minded people of all stripes. Her name is Mina, and I met her the same night I met Simon and Lyndell, at the Supermassive Cuddle Party in 2007. Although we have only seen each other infrequently since then at PolyNYC meetings, she belongs to a pretty small group of individuals (seven and counting, six in my adult life) who have kissed me on the lips with romantic intent. If it seems like a lot, then you need to get out more.
Anyway, Mina was performing what she calls fire play on volunteers at the back of the bar, where a padded bench was situated in the middle of a small dance floor. This involved the subjects (Lyndell took a turn) disrobing from the waist up and laying facedown on the bench. Mina would then take two rods about the size of chopsticks with gauze wrapped at each end, soaked in alcohol and light them on fire. She would tap the person's back with the flaming tips, transferring some of the burning alcohol to the skin, where it would burn for a fraction of a second before Mina put it out with her hand. Then she would go one step further and draw curves with a non-flaming alcohol swab, then light it, creating arcs of flame for an instant at a time before snuffing them out. She also used an alcohol sprayer with a flame in front of it to spray flame at the skin, but it never caught fire (although it seems like it could if the person was hairy). I was talking to Lyndell while she was doing this last bit and the flame spray got really close to my face, but Mina was very careful.
It's the first time I'd seen fire play, so I was asking a lot of questions about it - was it performance art or some kind of fetish play? Mina says it's just fun, and other people commented that it's also a display of trust for the bottom (the person it's being performed on). For me, it was just a fascinating example of the diversity of human play that I've never been exposed to before.
Speaking of play, since the weather is so nice today, maybe Tara and I will go out and have a nice, ordinary game of tennis.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Weird TV
Once in a while, something happens for no apparent reason that completely blows your mind. It's not always something life-changing. Sometimes it's just a little synchronicity that makes you think something's going on. One of those things happened tonight.
I had invited my family over to watch some TV, and when I turned on my DVR, Tara noticed an episode of Star Trek on the menu. These are the original episodes with Kirk, Spock and McCoy from the late 1960s, but they have been enhanced with upgraded CGI. I started playing the episode, which had been recorded several days ago on one of our local TV channels, just to show the girls what the upgraded scenes look like. The episode was "The Corbomite Maneuver", where Captain Kirk saves the Enterprise yet again, thanks in part to his deft understanding of the game of poker.
We started watching and got hooked enough that we had to finish the episode. At the very end, the alien being is played by 7-year-old Clint Howard, brother to Ron Howard and a recognizable character actor. We all knew we'd seen him before, but we couldn't place his name or any of his other roles.
Then came the weird part. We started watching this week's episode of Heroes, which was recorded on NBC on Monday. Right after the opening credits, who should appear on screen but the very same Clint Howard, 43 years older and now 50, playing a bit part on the show. We all gave a start and were amazed that we had, by pure coincidence, just seen an actor age four decades in the space of a few minutes.
And that's my fun story of TV watching for today. Back to reading The Books of Magic.
I had invited my family over to watch some TV, and when I turned on my DVR, Tara noticed an episode of Star Trek on the menu. These are the original episodes with Kirk, Spock and McCoy from the late 1960s, but they have been enhanced with upgraded CGI. I started playing the episode, which had been recorded several days ago on one of our local TV channels, just to show the girls what the upgraded scenes look like. The episode was "The Corbomite Maneuver", where Captain Kirk saves the Enterprise yet again, thanks in part to his deft understanding of the game of poker.
We started watching and got hooked enough that we had to finish the episode. At the very end, the alien being is played by 7-year-old Clint Howard, brother to Ron Howard and a recognizable character actor. We all knew we'd seen him before, but we couldn't place his name or any of his other roles.
Then came the weird part. We started watching this week's episode of Heroes, which was recorded on NBC on Monday. Right after the opening credits, who should appear on screen but the very same Clint Howard, 43 years older and now 50, playing a bit part on the show. We all gave a start and were amazed that we had, by pure coincidence, just seen an actor age four decades in the space of a few minutes.
And that's my fun story of TV watching for today. Back to reading The Books of Magic.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Bisexuality in the news
I was reading this very interesting article on bisexuality today, and it made me think about the fact that bisexual men are completely invisible in our society. For example, as the article states, if a married man has sex with another man, he is almost always viewed as a closeted gay man, and that his marriage is just a sham. What else could it be, right? It couldn't be that maybe, just maybe, he's bisexual and is attracted to both men and women? Naaahhh...
But it's true - that is the response you typically get in that scenario. And it underlines the deep denial a lot of our society has that bisexuality even exists, unless it's in pornography as an excuse to see girl-on-girl action. One could also argue that it's a sign of an active gay agenda to deny the existence of bisexuals by attempting to classify everyone as either gay or straight. Even bisexual women are often dismissed or marginalized as "unstable" or "unable to make up their minds" or assumed to feign attraction to women as a way to please a man.
But it seems that Hollywood is taking up the mantle of male bisexuality with movies like "I Love You, Man" making so-called "bromances" the flavor of the month, as suggested by this article titled "How Male Bisexuality Got Cool." Again, interesting reading, but doesn't really address the underlying issues like the first article.
But it's true - that is the response you typically get in that scenario. And it underlines the deep denial a lot of our society has that bisexuality even exists, unless it's in pornography as an excuse to see girl-on-girl action. One could also argue that it's a sign of an active gay agenda to deny the existence of bisexuals by attempting to classify everyone as either gay or straight. Even bisexual women are often dismissed or marginalized as "unstable" or "unable to make up their minds" or assumed to feign attraction to women as a way to please a man.
But it seems that Hollywood is taking up the mantle of male bisexuality with movies like "I Love You, Man" making so-called "bromances" the flavor of the month, as suggested by this article titled "How Male Bisexuality Got Cool." Again, interesting reading, but doesn't really address the underlying issues like the first article.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Shoe shopping
Again I'm in the midst of a flurry of activity. Sunday night I drove into Harlem to meet with my bisexual women's group at Sylvia's Restaurant, a famous soul food eatery on 125th Street just north of 7th Avenue. All along the walls were pictures of famous visitors like Denzel Washington and President Clinton posing with Sylvia, the owner. I had their famous barbecue ribs with garlic mashed potatoes and baked mac and cheese. The ribs were pretty good, but I've definitely had better in Texas.
Today it was a dreary rainy day, but I wanted to get out and do some shopping in Paramus. There's a recently remodeled mall called Bergen Town Center with a Nordstrom's Rack, Filene's Basement and Saks Off Fifth that I wanted to check out. I found some nice legwear on clearance at Filene's, but the real find was Nordstrom's Rack, which had a very nice selection of large size shoes. Unlike most stores, Nordstrom's groups their shoes by size, not by style, so I could see everything in my size. If I wanted to, I could have spent a couple hundred dollars on shoes, but as it was, I didn't buy anything. It's nice to know they are there when I want to shoe shop though. I've always liked Nordstrom's Rack ever since I discovered one in Salt Lake City, Utah many years ago.
While I was shopping, I got a call from a recruiter whom I had submitted my new resume to earlier in the day. We chatted for a while and she invited me to drop in tomorrow when I'm in the city for my women's poly group. They are located in the Chrysler Building, considered by many to be one of the most beautiful skyscrapers ever built. I've always wanted to visit, so this will be my chance. I'll visit with the recruiter at 5 pm, then my group meets at 6:30 pm. Then it's back home to watch Game 2 of the Rockets-Trailblazers playoff basketball series.
From the mall I drove to Pearl Art Supply to pick up some packaging for the CDs I'm putting together for my friend Linda, then turned around and browsed at the big Barnes & Noble bookstore. I got a copy of Jill Thompson's Sandman spinoff At Death's Door and found Paulo Coelho's novel The Witch of Portobello in hardcover in the bargain section for only $7.
Time to turn in early then, after I figure out what to wear for tomorrow's interview. Good night!
Today it was a dreary rainy day, but I wanted to get out and do some shopping in Paramus. There's a recently remodeled mall called Bergen Town Center with a Nordstrom's Rack, Filene's Basement and Saks Off Fifth that I wanted to check out. I found some nice legwear on clearance at Filene's, but the real find was Nordstrom's Rack, which had a very nice selection of large size shoes. Unlike most stores, Nordstrom's groups their shoes by size, not by style, so I could see everything in my size. If I wanted to, I could have spent a couple hundred dollars on shoes, but as it was, I didn't buy anything. It's nice to know they are there when I want to shoe shop though. I've always liked Nordstrom's Rack ever since I discovered one in Salt Lake City, Utah many years ago.
While I was shopping, I got a call from a recruiter whom I had submitted my new resume to earlier in the day. We chatted for a while and she invited me to drop in tomorrow when I'm in the city for my women's poly group. They are located in the Chrysler Building, considered by many to be one of the most beautiful skyscrapers ever built. I've always wanted to visit, so this will be my chance. I'll visit with the recruiter at 5 pm, then my group meets at 6:30 pm. Then it's back home to watch Game 2 of the Rockets-Trailblazers playoff basketball series.
From the mall I drove to Pearl Art Supply to pick up some packaging for the CDs I'm putting together for my friend Linda, then turned around and browsed at the big Barnes & Noble bookstore. I got a copy of Jill Thompson's Sandman spinoff At Death's Door and found Paulo Coelho's novel The Witch of Portobello in hardcover in the bargain section for only $7.
Time to turn in early then, after I figure out what to wear for tomorrow's interview. Good night!
Friday, April 17, 2009
A room with a view
I had a very good interview with the PR firm in the city on Wednesday. They were mighty impressed with my new and improved resume, and said they were just waiting to hear about a large piece of business from a major insurance company that they might win. If they get it, the head guy said I would be an ideal candidate, because of my background in the insurance and legal industries. He also let slip a piece of inside information that I need to research, as it might help me to gain an advantage in getting a job at a different firm. So all in all, it was not a waste of time.
The nice thing about this firm is the space. The two conference rooms are bright and thoroughly modern-looking, and they both have plenty of windows. As managing director, I would get an office with a window, something I've been craving for the last three years. At Agent K, all the windows were taken up by private offices of the senior executives, except for the three corner offices which were vacated and therefore used as meeting rooms. But you couldn't really look out the window unless you actually walked into the room. All the more commonly-used meeting rooms and the lobby were windowless, and you couldn't see out a single window from the cube farm or even if you took a casual stroll around the office, unless you poked your head into someone's private space.
While I was waiting for the interview to begin, I had a nice view straight down Third Avenue, past my old office and the famous Lipstick Building that I used to walk by every day. I could also almost see the East River and Roosevelt Island beyond. It is by no means as impressive as the lobby of the downtown firm I once interviewed at but I'll take any view after two-and-a-half years in a windowless office. That is certainly one thing I missed about my old job in Houston, where I had an eighth-floor view right above the West Loop, the busiest stretch of freeway in Texas, and downtown in the distance.
The PolyNYC meeting later that evening was sparsely attended, with only about 18-20 people showing up. However, we are seeing an influx of new members, and many of them are GLBT folks. There was a posse of about six or seven lesbians who have come to the last two meetings and contributed a lot of viewpoints that we haven't heard much before. Apparently, if there's one community that processes relationships more than polys, it's lesbians. The topic was how to foster group intimacy, and I got to share some of my thoughts about the importance of touch ("The importance of touch" - April 2, 2008) and found that struck a chord with some of the gay men there, who lamented that most men in our society are conditioned to believe that all touching has sexual meaning.
I've also been tearing through the Harry Potter series with an Anita Blake-like fervor, finishing Books 4-6 in the past two weeks, and starting on the final chapter now. They are surprisingly addictive once you get beyond what's been shown in the movies, but of course the big downside is that there aren't going to be any more of them. If I could only get hooked on Star Wars novels, then I'd be set for life - there's no way I could exhaust that pipeline.
The nice thing about this firm is the space. The two conference rooms are bright and thoroughly modern-looking, and they both have plenty of windows. As managing director, I would get an office with a window, something I've been craving for the last three years. At Agent K, all the windows were taken up by private offices of the senior executives, except for the three corner offices which were vacated and therefore used as meeting rooms. But you couldn't really look out the window unless you actually walked into the room. All the more commonly-used meeting rooms and the lobby were windowless, and you couldn't see out a single window from the cube farm or even if you took a casual stroll around the office, unless you poked your head into someone's private space.
While I was waiting for the interview to begin, I had a nice view straight down Third Avenue, past my old office and the famous Lipstick Building that I used to walk by every day. I could also almost see the East River and Roosevelt Island beyond. It is by no means as impressive as the lobby of the downtown firm I once interviewed at but I'll take any view after two-and-a-half years in a windowless office. That is certainly one thing I missed about my old job in Houston, where I had an eighth-floor view right above the West Loop, the busiest stretch of freeway in Texas, and downtown in the distance.
The PolyNYC meeting later that evening was sparsely attended, with only about 18-20 people showing up. However, we are seeing an influx of new members, and many of them are GLBT folks. There was a posse of about six or seven lesbians who have come to the last two meetings and contributed a lot of viewpoints that we haven't heard much before. Apparently, if there's one community that processes relationships more than polys, it's lesbians. The topic was how to foster group intimacy, and I got to share some of my thoughts about the importance of touch ("The importance of touch" - April 2, 2008) and found that struck a chord with some of the gay men there, who lamented that most men in our society are conditioned to believe that all touching has sexual meaning.
I've also been tearing through the Harry Potter series with an Anita Blake-like fervor, finishing Books 4-6 in the past two weeks, and starting on the final chapter now. They are surprisingly addictive once you get beyond what's been shown in the movies, but of course the big downside is that there aren't going to be any more of them. If I could only get hooked on Star Wars novels, then I'd be set for life - there's no way I could exhaust that pipeline.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Busy start of the week
After a month of mostly inactivity, it has been and is going to be a busy week. Monday I went into the city for a Poly Happy Hour that takes place the second Monday of each month. I've never been to one because up until recently, Monday nights have been date nights for me and Tara, since it's also Buffy's yoga night.
The happy hour is held at China 1 Antique Restaurant and Lounge and it's one of the weirder places I've been. When you walk in, it just looks like a small, intimate Chinese restaurant, but with only about three tables and the rest of it bar seating. But when you descend down the narrow staircase in the back, it leads to a maze-like, subterranean space that kind of reminds me of the dungeon in The Silence of the Lambs. The air is heavily perfumed with incense, and the lighting is very dim, except in one brightly lit corner with seating and pillows arranged around a small coffee table. All along the walls are intimate booths where people can have more privacy, most of them with decorative grates attached to the wall that are used for bondage activities (I saw one girl handcuffed to the wall with her hands above her head). Apparently there are a couple of kink parties hosted there each month as well.
The downstairs consists of two large rooms, each about three times the size of the small room upstairs. One room has a DJ station and a fish tank with Chinese goldfish in the middle of the room. One of the booths in that room doesn't have a table, only a high couch or what looks like a small bed for people to cuddle. Apparently my friend Lyndell was snogging somebody in there earlier in the evening, but I heard about it from Kyle. All around the perimeter of the room are padded benches and pillows, and more dark booths.
I met some of my poly friends there in order to start the process of formalizing our new group, called Open Love NY, and discuss the terms of splitting off from Polyamorous NYC. We sat in the brightly lit corner and had our meeting as more people came and started to mingle. Once we settled everything, we brought some new people over and I met several of my friends' friends. Lyndell left with me around 10 pm to head to a karaoke party uptown, and we ran into one of her friends from her theater days on the 14th Street bus. Lyndell got off at Union Square, and I chatted with her friend all the way to Penn Station. He's a gay black man who works by day as a law librarian and at night is part of a troupe of actors doing William Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury. He has a marvelous speaking voice.
Tonight we went out to celebrate Bee's birthday at Colucci's Ristorante where local personality Uncle Floyd performs each Tuesday night. Part musician, part off-color comedian, he and his friends in the audience put on a show that had all of us in stitches. It's a very old-timey act full of bad jokes and one-liners, but done with so much style and pizzazz that you can't help but laugh.
Tomorrow I have my first real job interview since that last one in Hackensack - this one in the city a block north of Agent K (which is code for my old firm). That means I have to slosh around in the wet weather with my suit and heels on, carrying my portfolio - ugh. Then I'll stay in the city and help out at the PolyNYC meeting at 8 pm. I think with the lack of volunteers now, I've been promoted from chair arranger to door greeter and money taker. I hope I can handle the increased responsibility...
The happy hour is held at China 1 Antique Restaurant and Lounge and it's one of the weirder places I've been. When you walk in, it just looks like a small, intimate Chinese restaurant, but with only about three tables and the rest of it bar seating. But when you descend down the narrow staircase in the back, it leads to a maze-like, subterranean space that kind of reminds me of the dungeon in The Silence of the Lambs. The air is heavily perfumed with incense, and the lighting is very dim, except in one brightly lit corner with seating and pillows arranged around a small coffee table. All along the walls are intimate booths where people can have more privacy, most of them with decorative grates attached to the wall that are used for bondage activities (I saw one girl handcuffed to the wall with her hands above her head). Apparently there are a couple of kink parties hosted there each month as well.
The downstairs consists of two large rooms, each about three times the size of the small room upstairs. One room has a DJ station and a fish tank with Chinese goldfish in the middle of the room. One of the booths in that room doesn't have a table, only a high couch or what looks like a small bed for people to cuddle. Apparently my friend Lyndell was snogging somebody in there earlier in the evening, but I heard about it from Kyle. All around the perimeter of the room are padded benches and pillows, and more dark booths.
I met some of my poly friends there in order to start the process of formalizing our new group, called Open Love NY, and discuss the terms of splitting off from Polyamorous NYC. We sat in the brightly lit corner and had our meeting as more people came and started to mingle. Once we settled everything, we brought some new people over and I met several of my friends' friends. Lyndell left with me around 10 pm to head to a karaoke party uptown, and we ran into one of her friends from her theater days on the 14th Street bus. Lyndell got off at Union Square, and I chatted with her friend all the way to Penn Station. He's a gay black man who works by day as a law librarian and at night is part of a troupe of actors doing William Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury. He has a marvelous speaking voice.
Tonight we went out to celebrate Bee's birthday at Colucci's Ristorante where local personality Uncle Floyd performs each Tuesday night. Part musician, part off-color comedian, he and his friends in the audience put on a show that had all of us in stitches. It's a very old-timey act full of bad jokes and one-liners, but done with so much style and pizzazz that you can't help but laugh.
Tomorrow I have my first real job interview since that last one in Hackensack - this one in the city a block north of Agent K (which is code for my old firm). That means I have to slosh around in the wet weather with my suit and heels on, carrying my portfolio - ugh. Then I'll stay in the city and help out at the PolyNYC meeting at 8 pm. I think with the lack of volunteers now, I've been promoted from chair arranger to door greeter and money taker. I hope I can handle the increased responsibility...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Live music mix
I've been tinkering with my mix of live music for a couple weeks now, and I think I finally have settled on a lineup that works. There's so much good music in my DVD library that I haven't even heard yet that I'm sure this will be a double CD someday, but here's my first disc track listing:
1. Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
2. Secret World by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
3. Lavender by Marillion (from Strange Bedfellows and Assorted Embarrassments 2)
4. Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park (from Road to Revolution)
5. Jigga What / Faint by Linkin Park & Jay Z (from Road to Revolution)
6. Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails (from And All That Could Have Been)
7. Open Car by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
8. Halo by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
9. One by U2 (from U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle DVD)
10. Hallelujah by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
11. Misery Business by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
12. Disintegration by The Cure (from Pictures of You CD single)
13. Time Is Running Out by Muse (from Absolution Tour DVD)
14. Take A Bow by Muse (from H.A.A.R.P.)
All of these are live tracks by the artists performing them in concert - some of them were taken from CDs, others from DVDs using the setup I described recently ("Dreams, job hunting and poker" - March 25, 2009). Mostly my criteria was picking music where the artist added something special or significant to the performance that wasn't there on the original studio track, which is the hallmark of a good performer. Here are some comments about each one:
1 and 2 - Peter Gabriel puts on rock concerts that resemble Broadway blockbuster shows. His two DVD concerts, Secret World Live and Growing Up Live, are among the best concert videos in my collection. The first song, Here Comes The Flood, opens the later concert with a heartfelt solo voice and piano, while Secret World is my favorite track, with its pulse-pounding dynamics.
3 - This is the only version of this song I've ever heard, and it's one of Marillion's most beautiful ballads which happens to be a live recording. It's a song Tara shared with me when I was still in Houston and more than any other song here, it reminds me of when we were falling in love.
4 and 5 - The Linkin Park CD/DVD is one of the most exciting, visceral concerts I've seen in a while, with a killer set list. Every song is worth hearing, and they even include three hidden bonus tracks that unlock if you watch the whole DVD. Shadow Of The Day is the first song I heard from them that I liked, maybe because it has a cool U2 vibe, and Jigga What / Faint is an encore with rapper Jay Z that has great energy to wrap up the show.
6 - This song I threw in at the last minute. It's an old song from 1989, on an album I used to own, Pretty Hate Machine, the debut album of Nine Inch Nails. But this live version of this classic song hits so much harder than the studio version.
7 and 8 - Taken from Porcupine Tree's only available concert DVD, Open Car includes an extra bridge verse that Tara says makes the album version unlistenable to her now. The live version of Halo showcases more of Gavin Harrison, two-time winner of Modern Drummer's Drummer of the Year award.
9 - The story goes that while recording the album Achtung Baby, Bono and the Edge wanted to go for a more electronic sound, while Adam and Larry wanted to stick to their rock roots. Edge came up with a riff that turned into this song, which saved the band from breaking up. U2's concert filmed at Slane Castle in Ireland is my favorite of the half-dozen U2 concerts in my collection, and with this song they added additional verses at the end that improve on the already-stellar studio version.
10 and 11 - Compared to the other artists on this list Paramore is definitely a lightweight act being so young and inexperienced, but I liked the way they covered Leonard Cohen's classic Hallelujah as an intro to their own song of the same name. But of course, Jeff Buckley's version still reigns supreme. While Misery Business is not one of my favorite tunes, it was one of their better performances, and both songs have not appeared on any of my previous mixes, so I made space for them.
12 - Disintegration is one of my all-time favorite albums, and this title track was taken from a CD single of Pictures of You, a song that reminds me of Agnieszka Prime. By stepping up the tempo and intensity, the band dramatically improves on the album version of this song.
13 and 14 - Time Is Running Out was the first song I ever heard from Muse, and I didn't like it right away, but it grew on me. This was the version I heard, taken from the special edition of the Black Holes and Revelations CD which included a concert DVD filmed in Glastonbury. For this one song, I liked their performance on this DVD, but in every other way, the H.A.A.R.P. concert DVD from Wembley Stadium blows it away. Take A Bow was the show's closing number, and I love the way it crescendos to such a tremendous climax at the end. You've probably heard the song recently used in movie trailers for the film Watchmen, which I thought was very appropriate.
1. Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
2. Secret World by Peter Gabriel (from Growing Up Live DVD)
3. Lavender by Marillion (from Strange Bedfellows and Assorted Embarrassments 2)
4. Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park (from Road to Revolution)
5. Jigga What / Faint by Linkin Park & Jay Z (from Road to Revolution)
6. Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails (from And All That Could Have Been)
7. Open Car by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
8. Halo by Porcupine Tree (from Arriving Somewhere DVD)
9. One by U2 (from U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle DVD)
10. Hallelujah by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
11. Misery Business by Paramore (from The Final RIOT!)
12. Disintegration by The Cure (from Pictures of You CD single)
13. Time Is Running Out by Muse (from Absolution Tour DVD)
14. Take A Bow by Muse (from H.A.A.R.P.)
All of these are live tracks by the artists performing them in concert - some of them were taken from CDs, others from DVDs using the setup I described recently ("Dreams, job hunting and poker" - March 25, 2009). Mostly my criteria was picking music where the artist added something special or significant to the performance that wasn't there on the original studio track, which is the hallmark of a good performer. Here are some comments about each one:
1 and 2 - Peter Gabriel puts on rock concerts that resemble Broadway blockbuster shows. His two DVD concerts, Secret World Live and Growing Up Live, are among the best concert videos in my collection. The first song, Here Comes The Flood, opens the later concert with a heartfelt solo voice and piano, while Secret World is my favorite track, with its pulse-pounding dynamics.
3 - This is the only version of this song I've ever heard, and it's one of Marillion's most beautiful ballads which happens to be a live recording. It's a song Tara shared with me when I was still in Houston and more than any other song here, it reminds me of when we were falling in love.
4 and 5 - The Linkin Park CD/DVD is one of the most exciting, visceral concerts I've seen in a while, with a killer set list. Every song is worth hearing, and they even include three hidden bonus tracks that unlock if you watch the whole DVD. Shadow Of The Day is the first song I heard from them that I liked, maybe because it has a cool U2 vibe, and Jigga What / Faint is an encore with rapper Jay Z that has great energy to wrap up the show.
6 - This song I threw in at the last minute. It's an old song from 1989, on an album I used to own, Pretty Hate Machine, the debut album of Nine Inch Nails. But this live version of this classic song hits so much harder than the studio version.
7 and 8 - Taken from Porcupine Tree's only available concert DVD, Open Car includes an extra bridge verse that Tara says makes the album version unlistenable to her now. The live version of Halo showcases more of Gavin Harrison, two-time winner of Modern Drummer's Drummer of the Year award.
9 - The story goes that while recording the album Achtung Baby, Bono and the Edge wanted to go for a more electronic sound, while Adam and Larry wanted to stick to their rock roots. Edge came up with a riff that turned into this song, which saved the band from breaking up. U2's concert filmed at Slane Castle in Ireland is my favorite of the half-dozen U2 concerts in my collection, and with this song they added additional verses at the end that improve on the already-stellar studio version.
10 and 11 - Compared to the other artists on this list Paramore is definitely a lightweight act being so young and inexperienced, but I liked the way they covered Leonard Cohen's classic Hallelujah as an intro to their own song of the same name. But of course, Jeff Buckley's version still reigns supreme. While Misery Business is not one of my favorite tunes, it was one of their better performances, and both songs have not appeared on any of my previous mixes, so I made space for them.
12 - Disintegration is one of my all-time favorite albums, and this title track was taken from a CD single of Pictures of You, a song that reminds me of Agnieszka Prime. By stepping up the tempo and intensity, the band dramatically improves on the album version of this song.
13 and 14 - Time Is Running Out was the first song I ever heard from Muse, and I didn't like it right away, but it grew on me. This was the version I heard, taken from the special edition of the Black Holes and Revelations CD which included a concert DVD filmed in Glastonbury. For this one song, I liked their performance on this DVD, but in every other way, the H.A.A.R.P. concert DVD from Wembley Stadium blows it away. Take A Bow was the show's closing number, and I love the way it crescendos to such a tremendous climax at the end. You've probably heard the song recently used in movie trailers for the film Watchmen, which I thought was very appropriate.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Successful day
It's been quite an exciting day on the national, local and personal levels for me today. First of all, on the national level, today Iowa became the third state to legalize same-sex marriage and the first in the Midwest to do so. It was a unanimous 7-0 decision by the Iowa Supreme Court to uphold the equal protection provision of Iowa's state constitution to include same-sex marriage as equal to heterosexual marriage. There's a rally tonight at Union Square that I would totally attend if I lived in the city.
On the local front, I've been working on promoting an appearance by Katelynn, the transgender cast member of MTV's The Real World: Brooklyn, and spoke to her by phone today. She's on a national tour of college campuses and I caught up to her in Pennsylvania. We spoke for about 15 minutes about her presentation on May 20 at the Polyamorous NYC meeting, and her experience with the media. After we hung up I informed the Board that we'd finally made contact and confirmed her appearance. I drafted a couple of announcements that will be posted in the LGBT Center's monthly newsletter and Web site and sent them out for review. I'm looking forward to meeting her next month, and we have a lot of work to do to promote her talk in the next few weeks.
On the personal front, I landed the interview with the agency I submitted the writing test for, and thankfully, they want to see me on April 15, the same day as the next PolyNYC meeting in the city. So that works out great for me since I'll already be planning to be in the city. It would be fantastic if I got this job - since it's only a block away from my old office, I wouldn't have to change my commute at all.
On the local front, I've been working on promoting an appearance by Katelynn, the transgender cast member of MTV's The Real World: Brooklyn, and spoke to her by phone today. She's on a national tour of college campuses and I caught up to her in Pennsylvania. We spoke for about 15 minutes about her presentation on May 20 at the Polyamorous NYC meeting, and her experience with the media. After we hung up I informed the Board that we'd finally made contact and confirmed her appearance. I drafted a couple of announcements that will be posted in the LGBT Center's monthly newsletter and Web site and sent them out for review. I'm looking forward to meeting her next month, and we have a lot of work to do to promote her talk in the next few weeks.
On the personal front, I landed the interview with the agency I submitted the writing test for, and thankfully, they want to see me on April 15, the same day as the next PolyNYC meeting in the city. So that works out great for me since I'll already be planning to be in the city. It would be fantastic if I got this job - since it's only a block away from my old office, I wouldn't have to change my commute at all.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Fantasy books and movies
I am really excited about the news that my favorite fictional character, Anita Blake, is going to star in an original television movie on the IFC channel, according to this press release. Of course I'd prefer if she got the big budget of a theater release, but maybe that will come later. Something to look forward to for next year anyway.
In other book and video news, I just finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire this morning and loved it - it made me cry at the end. I ran out this afternoon and checked out the DVD from the library and I'll watch it tonight when it gets dark. I also finished Annette Curtis Clause's werewolf tale Blood and Chocolate yesterday while sitting in the hair salon and it was better than I expected it to be so I'll watch that on DVD soon as well.
I've also been itching to dive back into Neil Gaiman's epic Sandman series and finally finish the four gorgeous Absolute editions sitting on my shelf. Reading Absolute editions is like watching movies on my big screen - it makes it hard to read or watch things in smaller sizes. Since I'm not ready to tackle that reading project yet (I intend to read them concurrently with The Sandman Companion) I'm going to start with another series I've been collecting, John Ney Rieber's The Books of Magic series.
This series continues the original story of the same name penned by Neil Gaiman and I've owned Volumes 5 through 7 for a while now, but only read Gaiman's book and the first volume of Rieber's series. Last night I placed an order for Volumes 1, 2 and 4, and the original issues that make up Volume 3 (because the trade paperback is out of print and extremely rare). So I'll have the first seven books to read and decide if I want to continue collecting them. If they are as good as Mike Carey's Lucifer series then I'll definitely like them.
In other book and video news, I just finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire this morning and loved it - it made me cry at the end. I ran out this afternoon and checked out the DVD from the library and I'll watch it tonight when it gets dark. I also finished Annette Curtis Clause's werewolf tale Blood and Chocolate yesterday while sitting in the hair salon and it was better than I expected it to be so I'll watch that on DVD soon as well.
I've also been itching to dive back into Neil Gaiman's epic Sandman series and finally finish the four gorgeous Absolute editions sitting on my shelf. Reading Absolute editions is like watching movies on my big screen - it makes it hard to read or watch things in smaller sizes. Since I'm not ready to tackle that reading project yet (I intend to read them concurrently with The Sandman Companion) I'm going to start with another series I've been collecting, John Ney Rieber's The Books of Magic series.
This series continues the original story of the same name penned by Neil Gaiman and I've owned Volumes 5 through 7 for a while now, but only read Gaiman's book and the first volume of Rieber's series. Last night I placed an order for Volumes 1, 2 and 4, and the original issues that make up Volume 3 (because the trade paperback is out of print and extremely rare). So I'll have the first seven books to read and decide if I want to continue collecting them. If they are as good as Mike Carey's Lucifer series then I'll definitely like them.
I kissed a girl
Only two weeks until Polina comes back. I like this song so much better than Katy Perry's song of the same title. Click on the link below to hear it.
I Kissed A Girl - Jill Sobule
I Kissed A Girl - Jill Sobule
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Fire anniversary
I went to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3-D with my family at the freebie movie theater on Tuesday. Bee had an unexpected day off so we saw the early show at 2:30 in the afternoon. It was a fun movie, and I remembered from watching Coraline to wear my contact lenses so I didn't have to wear two pairs of glasses. There was one annoying child sitting behind us that we had to shush repeatedly, and for some reason, another child came up behind me during the movie and touched my hair, which startled me. I'm sure they didn't mean any harm by it though.
It was a soggy day in the city today, but at least the rain was light. I got my writing test done - one part was to write a press release for 3M announcing the development of Post-It Notes as if it were invented today. The position they are recruiting for is Director/Managing Supervisor for the New York office of a PR firm based in Minneapolis, MN. It's an impressive title, at least. We'll see if I get an interview next week, probably.
Afterwards I went down to Chinatown for my hair salon appointment for the first haircut I've had in almost a year. I also got my coloring done so that it's again close to my natural color with a little bit of red highlight for texture. I might go for something a little more daring once I get a job because my stylist - Edison - likes to experiment on me and I've generally been very pleased with the results.
Finally, I will also mark today as the fourth anniversary of the April 1, 2005 house fire that was the catalyst for so much change in my life, including my move from Houston to New Jersey. We don't often have events where we feel like we're given a second chance at life, but this was one of those close calls. As it turned out, no one was hurt and the disaster gave me the fresh start that I was secretly hoping for, and I think I've made the most of it.
It was a soggy day in the city today, but at least the rain was light. I got my writing test done - one part was to write a press release for 3M announcing the development of Post-It Notes as if it were invented today. The position they are recruiting for is Director/Managing Supervisor for the New York office of a PR firm based in Minneapolis, MN. It's an impressive title, at least. We'll see if I get an interview next week, probably.
Afterwards I went down to Chinatown for my hair salon appointment for the first haircut I've had in almost a year. I also got my coloring done so that it's again close to my natural color with a little bit of red highlight for texture. I might go for something a little more daring once I get a job because my stylist - Edison - likes to experiment on me and I've generally been very pleased with the results.
Finally, I will also mark today as the fourth anniversary of the April 1, 2005 house fire that was the catalyst for so much change in my life, including my move from Houston to New Jersey. We don't often have events where we feel like we're given a second chance at life, but this was one of those close calls. As it turned out, no one was hurt and the disaster gave me the fresh start that I was secretly hoping for, and I think I've made the most of it.
