Birthday dinner

Sunday morning I woke up from a dream ….

I had just gotten the keys to a new apartment, an extremely large apartment. An enormous floor-to-ceiling marble column, 10 feet in diameter, was the dominant feature of the room. However, the old tenant was still occupying it and was having a poker tournament in part of the main space. The entire tournament was conducted in Thai. I hosted a small housewarming party with my closest friends in a cluster of sofa and chairs on the other side of the room.


And that is what basically happened for my eighth birthday on Sunday in the waking world when I hosted a small party of eight for dinner: Kacey and Becker, Piper and Jet, Puck, Storm and Morgan (previously referred to as Alex, from Pennsylvania). Instead of Thai food, however, we went to the New Malaysian Restaurant in Chinatown.



Flashback 48 hours: this weekend started with a Friday night MMMM, where Puck and I introduced Morgan to some of our friends – Kiwi, Ilan, Rachel, Danielle and Jill from SBU (the latter whom Morgan met at the Steampunk World’s Fair a couple months ago).

Saturday the three of us spent most of the day watching a run of the TV show Firefly, which Morgan has never seen. In the evening we went out to Empire Steak House on 52nd Street for dinner and walked back home through Rockefeller Center. We went out again to Rodeo Bar & Grill on Third Avenue and 28th to meet up with Aaron and some of his friends for a drink. The honky-tonk bar was kitschy and loud, peanut shells on the floor, so it wasn’t really my kind of place, but we didn’t stay too long.

Sunday we finished Firefly and Puck went out to meet some out-of-town friends who were staying at the nearby Doubletree hotel while Storm came over and played violin with me and Morgan.

Dinner was wonderful and everybody seemed to like the food at the restaurant. Plus, it seemed that everyone was having a good time and enjoying each other’s company, which is important to me. Piper and Jet brought me a present of five framed photos printed from my blog of me and various people at events throughout the past few years. She’s noticed that I don’t have any photos of people in my apartment, and it’s true – I only had three framed photos and none of them are prominently placed. It was sweet of her to help me fix that omission.







After dinner we walked a block to the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory and got some dessert (caramel sea salt ice cream was the popular choice) and then went our separate subways. Morgan, Puck and I finished the night watching the movie Serenity to cap our Firefly marathon.

This eighth birthday has been a real treat for me. Everything I planned came off perfectly (believe it or not, that rarely happens). Morgan is the first out-of-town visitor I’ve ever hosted at my current apartment, and the only friend I have who dates back eight years ago to the event I celebrated this weekend. So it was fitting and extremely satisfying to bring together the new and the old – as the saying goes, one is silver and the other is gold.

Birthday musings

I'm really excited about my birthday coming up. It's probably the most anticipated birthday I've ever had. And maybe it's because, for the first time, it's something that I've planned all by myself, without anyone else really having a say about it. I decided what to do and whom I wanted to be there purely on what would make me the happiest, without really any regards to anyone else's wishes or traditions.

There's something else about this birthday that makes it special to me. Three years ago was my last birthday with Tara's family. Two years ago was my one and only birthday with Bonnie and Hiba, along with Puck and Katie. Last year, I spent my birthday alone because Puck was in Russia and I was still recovering from breaking up with Bonnie so I really wasn't feeling companionable without Puck being there. As sad as that sounds now, I think I made the best of it by going to see Parts I and II of the Harry Potter finale. So it was something memorable and historic that I did for myself.

So this year, I look at my celebration as coming full circle from birthdays that have involved ex's or those that I might not look back on very favorably. Of course, I do cherish those happy times with them, but when it comes to birthdays that are so important to me, it's easy to spoil those memories with the melancholy of the fact that those relationships don't exist anymore.

Plus, this week leading up to the big party on Sunday has managed to play out like the whole Marvel Studio strategy for The Avengers, namely, that I've been able to have one-on-one time with each of my major attendees before they all come together with their SO's for the blockbuster extravaganza. Puck and I spent Saturday through Monday together, last night Kacey came over to watch Sherlock, tonight Piper comes over to see Vertigo. Alex will arrive at Nearing Friday afternoon and we'll ride home on the train together before going to MMMM that night with Puck. And Sunday, Storm is coming to teach violin right before the party. I seriously couldn't have planned this week better, but it all came together rather organically and I'm only now seeing the beauty of the entire event as it is playing out.

I was telling Kacey last night that I feel incredibly blessed this year by not just my life in general, but also by the quality of people around me at work and in my personal life. The core team at work has been together and stable for more than a year now, and it's a fun and dynamic group of individuals. I've been more aware of it lately because we have a summer intern, which has caused us to sort of "reintroduce" ourselves and make our group dynamics more visible.

And of course, the people in my personal life, both here in New York and elsewhere, are all wonderful in their own right and co-create joy and friendship with me in many different ways. We've all come so far together in just the past year. I can't wait to see what happens now.

Polina's birthday, parts 1 and 2

This weekend was Polina’s birthday celebration, and the first time I’ve participated in it fully. As some friends might remark, it was done in true Polina fashion, encompassing my first two-night stayover at her house for all the activities. And despite fighting a progressively nasty cold for most of the weekend, the birthday girl managed to keep her spirits up and bring cheer to everyone around her.

Friday afternoon I left work early because I wanted to get my hair done by Edison while Polina and her friends were en route back from Stony Brook University. Edison and Shirley did their usual fine job of making my hair look its best, with a subtly multi-dimensional dark brown that looks natural yet sophisticated. They also asked about Polina, referring to her as “purple” since they didn’t remember her name, only the color they dyed her hair. Edison is planning to open his own hair studio in a few weeks, so I hope the next time I visit him it will be his name on the door.

I walked over to Whole Foods on Houston Street (where I’ll be on Wednesday for my women’s poly group) to buy some truffles to add to my birthday present, and then drove out to Staten Island. Polina’s mom opened the door for me just after getting off the phone and telling Polina I hadn’t arrived yet. I helped her mom in the kitchen making food by peeling vegetables and practicing my Russian with her until Polina arrived with her dad, middle sister Ella, and three friends from school – Perri, Sammy and Jake. We had Shabbat dinner together then the five of us got settled in the third floor bedroom on three air mattresses.

In the morning all eight of us packed into the family minivan, dropping Ella at Prospect Park in Brooklyn and us in midtown Manhattan near my old office where we had booked a seven-hour block of time at an isolated karaoke bar on 48th Street near 2nd Avenue. We started singing at 1:30 p.m. and the crowd swelled with each passing hour as friends continued to arrive, eventually reaching 15 people.



From the SBU band there was Jacob and Beth; Polina’s long-time friends Panda, Dakotah (from the Great Adventure Shindig), Anya, and Alina, plus Patrick and his girlfriend Alyssa; and our newer friends Ryan and K-Rob. It was a very diverse group, with a wide variety of musical tastes (and vocal ability) but it was a great time. The band people had fun singing and dancing to their marching pieces, like “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson, “Disturbia” by Rhianna and “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane. I stuck to songs I knew by Linkin Park, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Oasis and Taylor Swift.





By the time we left, Polina was getting very hoarse and sounding like an 80-year-old woman who smokes two packs a day. The crowd thinned out the way it came together as we walked Sammy and Jake to Penn Station for the trip back to SBU before most of the rest of us went to a Korean restaurant for a late dinner. I had a kim chee stew and spicy hand roll sushi, which was very tasty.



By the end of the night, Jacob, Beth, Anya, Panda and Kotah comprised the second wave of overnight guests, accompanying us back to Staten Island. Beth and Jacob left early in the morning to catch a matinee show of Avenue Q, while the rest of us started the day slowly. Polina’s voice was totally gone in the morning, so she was reduced to using handwritten signs like a stroke victim:



Most of the day Polina’s family (eldest sister Sophia and husband Robert and grandparents trickled in) made food and desserts for her birthday party while Panda, Kotah, Anya, Polina and I hung out and did various things. I went out for a bit with Robert and Ella to throw a Frisbee around in Miller Park, and Kotah had to leave early. By about 4 p.m. we were ready to start the party and it was a very long table of food:



Polina still couldn’t speak very loudly, so I acted as her “translator” – she would write down what she wanted to say and I would address it to the appropriate person down the table or announce it to the group. For presents, Polina got a vintage bicycle to take with her back to school, some Origins bath products, a book called "The Crow-Girl" and my present of a “Cognito Ergo Nom” t-shirt, organic lip balm and her favorite shade of lip stick from my collection at home (since I feel somewhat responsible for the upkeep of her lips), and a box of chocolate truffles. Her grandfather also gave her money, as grandparents typically do. She had also received a bonsai tree from Beth and some other presents from friends the night before.



After dinner Polina and I went upstairs and recorded a quick 80-second audio promo talking about the upcoming Open Love NY event next Saturday, which will be used on an upcoming podcast of Polyamory Weekly. I did most of the talking since her voice was so ragged but at least she was audible. And by the way, her illness didn’t stop us from being affectionate this weekend, so we’ll see if my reputed constitution passes the test.

I was going through my emails from last year around this time for her birthday and we had just had our first date (more of a hanging out together kind of thing) at the MIX Festival a week or two prior so we were just getting to know each other. It took upwards of 18 emails back and forth to work out all the logistics and details of meeting up with Laura for my surprise visit to MOMA. Also, I didn’t know her well enough to pick out a present, so we went shoe shopping together with Laura and Patrick.

It is with no small amount of wonder that I look back only one year ago at how much my life has changed in respect to my relationship with her. Of course, I should be used to big changes in my life by now, but still, we've come a long way in just one year. To honor that first birthday, I thought it was a nice tradition to have her pick out something for herself for birthdays (the Questionable Content t-shirt) in addition to whatever I feel I can surprise her with, since she enjoys surprises.

Part 3 of the two-weekend birthday celebration starts on Saturday - stay tuned.

Happy Birthday Polina!

This Sunday was Polina’s birthday, and we spent pretty much the whole weekend together which is why I’m posting this a day late. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to write a recap of all our adventures soon (although not tonight since I’m going to Poly Cocktail Hour in the city).

As I usually do in my blogs, I try to say a few nice things about people on their birthdays. Last year she escaped this tradition because we had only just met. As a side note, I was just realizing that with my last three relationships, I met each of them right around this time of year - October/November. And of course this year, I’m very happy to be able to say a few words about my sweetie.

I know Polina doesn’t necessarily like reading about the qualities in her that I find so attractive, but it’s hard for me to be objective since I’m so fond of her. I suppose one way to say it is that I see a lot of Agnieszka Prime in her, which I know means very little to anyone reading this. Sometimes people just have a certain charisma, an energy to them that is responsive to your own. You see something in them that touches a part of you and a connection is made. From there, you continue to find small links to each other, and like strands upon strands of tiny spider webs, each little thing builds upon the others to form a strong bond.

For us, our initial connection was obviously formed through polyamory, and then through identifying as pansexual and transgender, and to a lesser extent through a shared spiritual philosophy. We’ve reinforced our bond with books (Laurell K. Hamilton, Tamora Pierce, Tom Robbins), TV shows (Firefly, True Blood), music (Linkin Park, Paramore) and late night talks over hot chocolate. Polyamory and being involved in the poly community in New York continues to be the main driver of our relationship and the requisite open communication is the glue that keeps it from falling apart in the face of our many differences.

Some of our differences work for us instead of against us. People tell me that Polina has an old soul, and it is true she is remarkably mature for her age. I’m the opposite, being very young at heart for my age, for reasons that should be quite obvious to those who know me. Our inverted biological and emotional ages tend to cancel each other out and make our age difference less of an issue for us than it would be for most couples. It also gives us some fluidity and freedom in how we act toward each other – we take turns being parental or filial toward each other, although we generally treat each other like most girlfriends do as equals.

So what qualities do I like about her? She makes me laugh; she has a refreshing sense of humor. As I’ve mentioned before, she can be bold in expressing affection toward me. She shares my core philosophies of being true to oneself, living in the moment and loving unconditionally. She is a frank and honest communicator, and she appreciates that quality in me. We make a really good team, with our respective strengths and weaknesses complementing each other – I forget what our Myers-Briggs scores are, but we do seem to mesh well together when we embark on a common goal. We have lots of fun together with whatever we’re doing, whether alone or with other people. And for me, seeing her smile is as beautiful and warming as the sunrise after a long autumn night.

Happy Birthday, my dearest Polina - you are the star by which my heart navigates me through life.

Great Adventure Shindig

Penny and I threw a fun party together celebrating my fifth birthday at Six Flags Great Adventure. Various people came and went for different parts of the party, and hopefully a good time was had by all.

We started at my apartment Monday afternoon when Penny brought her longtime friend Dakotah (whom I met last New Year's) and a new friend Kyle (whom she met at Otakon last month - he lives in Pennsylvania and is visiting her for the week) on a bus from Port Authority Bus Terminal. Shortly after, Ryan arrived in his own car - he lives about 20 minutes away from me in New Jersey. Polina met him at Otakon too; he's a polyamorous man in a relationship with a monogamous-minded girlfriend (who called him about three times that evening), and also quite experienced in the local BDSM scene.

Once everybody arrived, we took a quick swim in the pool before going to Costco to buy some pizza, salad and ice cream for dinner, and Penny bought a 1TB external hard drive for her new MacBook Pro. After dinner we spread out to watch a movie on the cuddle space I created by putting a raised air mattress in front of my couch and loveseat, like so:



After the movie Ryan left, and the four of us remaining showed each other music and video clips on the Internet as we got ready to retire for the evening. After putting our guests to sleep in the living room, Penny and I stayed up a while and chatted in bed, finally going to sleep around 3 a.m. I was the first to awake at 8:15 a.m. and made omlettes, turkey bacon and toasted jalapeno parmesan bagels for the girls while Kyle had cereal.

We got to Six Flags Great Adventure just before noon and met with Penny and Dakotah's longtime friend Matt (nicknamed "Panda"), who took public transport directly to the park from his home in Brooklyn. Since we bought and printed our tickets at home, we went straight into the park, bypassing the horrendous ticket lines. Seriously, I don't know why anyone would come to Great Adventure without a ticket already in hand.

Of course, no visit to a Six Flags park would be complete without a picture with a famous cartoon character - how appropriate that we got this one with the most famous lover in the Warner Brothers stable of characters:



Our first rollercoaster was the Superman ride, which suspends you facedown in a flying position as it loops and rolls. Then we went to its neighbor, the Great American Rollercoaster. At this point we were getting really hot from waiting in lines, so we decided to go to the log flume ride to cool off. We were briefly tempted to try the "Guess Your Age/Weight" booth, but decided in my case it would be cheating.

After getting soaked on the log flume (Panda hit us with a water cannon at the end of the ride) we lined up for the Bizarro coaster, a revamped version of a rollercoaster originally called Medusa. They added flamethrowers and mist sprayers to represent Bizarro's flame breath and ice vision powers, but it's essentially the same coaster we've all ridden before.



We took the sky tram to the other side of the park and rode Skull Mountain, a small indoor coaster, then to Congo River water ride to get thoroughly drenched (Panda received his due karmic justice by getting the most soaked). We took a break for lunch, and had some fun taking pictures of unusually shaped curly fries:



The line for Nitro was too long and slow, so we had to skip that one, which is a shame because it was my second favorite coaster in the park (Kingda Ka is my favorite, and it wasn't running that day) so Polina, Kyle and I went to ride Batman and a new indoor coaster called The Dark Knight while Panda and Dakotah wandered around together.

As the evening started to wind up, we played a few games to try and win prizes. I almost won a large prize shooting a basketball, but left the shot just a few inches short. Polina came in second on a Whack-A-Mole contest, so no prize there:



Eventually we all played a water gun shooting gallery together, and Kyle won a stuffed M&M man in gangsta wear:



As I mentioned in past posts, originally our friends Reiko and Kerry were going to come, but both had to cancel at the last minute. I had intended to come home after dropping Polina and Kyle back at her house in Staten Island so they could have some private time together, but Yoshi started developing a bad engine vibration while I was dropping off Dakotah and Panda in Brooklyn, so just to be safe and not get stranded in the middle of the night, I stayed over at Polina's house. Her mom made us some dinner of pan-roasted chicken and spinach pancakes with some fresh cucumbers and tomatoes from their garden. We all went upstairs to share the air mattress, and I was pretty exhausted from the day, so I pretty much dozed off while Penny and Kyle stayed up to watch Eddie Izzard videos on YouTube. In the morning Penny and I woke up together and let Kyle sleep in while I left for home. Yoshi is running roughly, but made it home okay. He has an appointment on Friday to get checked out.

When I got to my apartment, I saw an injured kitten on the side of the road in front of my apartment building. I parked Yoshi in the garage and got a box and pillowcase and walked out to retrieve it. It was still alive, but breathing rapidly and had blood coming from its mouth. I brought it to the city animal shelter, and they directed me to an animal hospital, but I couldn't find it. I called my family and Bee helped me find a hospital with a doctor on duty. I brought it in and the doctor told me the kitty had sustained severe cranial trauma and had a broken jaw. Based on its eye reaction and breathing pattern, he said it wouldn't survive more than a day or two, even with intensive treatment, so he recommended euthanasia. I left the hospital crying for this poor baby kitten, but knowing that at the very least, I helped to lessen its suffering.

As with everything else in life, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but the point is to try and not to give up until we know there is no hope left. It was not the way I would have liked to end my birthday shindig, but sometimes we can't control what is put in our path. All we can do is control our own actions and handle things the best we can.

Fifth birthday at the Guggenheim

Wednesday was the fifth anniversary of an event that I celebrate as my birthday. My family came over in the morning and we drove into the city to visit the Guggenheim Museum, a very special place in my personal history. I first visited there by myself back in the early 1990s on my first trip to New York City, and it was probably the first time I'd ever been in a modern art museum. Looking up into the famous structure designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, I began a tour of contemporary art that expanded my conception of what art could be, and I've been a fan of modern art ever since. It was an honor to share this special place with my family.

Here's a photo that Tara took from the lobby - which incidentally is the only place that photos are allowed:



We came home and had an early dinner at Burger Deluxe, a gourmet hamburger diner near my apartment that we've been meaning to try ever since it opened last year. Then we came back to my place for a quick rest, watched some TV, and opened presents. As always, I got some wonderful things - the landmark DC event comic Final Crisis, a new Sherlock Holmes/Jack the Ripper story Dust and Shadow, Marvel Comics' Thor! Ages of Thunder, Terry Moore's follow up to Strangers in Paradise titled Echo: Moon Lake, and a new Vertigo title called House of Mystery: Room and Boredom.

I also got the first season of HBO's True Blood, based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels of Charlaine Harris, which I have been reading after getting caught up with Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series. The show so far is extremely faithful to the books, which is nice, and although Sookie is not as cool a character as Anita, the later books do start to capture some of the vampire and shapeshifter political structures that Hamilton brings to life so eloquently. Sookie is much more innocent than Anita, and unlike Anita, generally succeeds in staying that way. Other DVDs I got were the limited edition CD/DVD of Jeff Buckley's Grace Around the World and Peter Gabriel's Still Growing Up - Live and Unwrapped.

After presents we had some cake and went to the movie theater to stand in line for the 10:45 showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Out of respect for blog readers who haven't seen this yet, I'll refrain from saying anything about the movie, but I will say that I enjoyed it.

On Thursday I was supposed to have a job interview, but I woke up to find out that it had to be postponed due to a client emergency. I went into the city to have lunch with my friends Erika and Brigitte, who I'd last seen at Erika's birthday party in May ("Happy Birthday Erika!" - May 16, 2009). We were talking about their ideas for new business ventures that we'll probably continue to discuss in the coming months.

Afterwards I went to my friend Simon's apartment for a Vortex Healing session, something he's giving me in exchange for some PR work I'm doing for him. It was a very interesting experience, and it gave me some insight into how I might improve my life in the coming year, so I will see if I can follow-through on what I received from him.

Birthday picnic

Saturday was a continuation of Bee's birthday celebration with a picnic trip to Harriman State Park in New York. We drove up to Seven Lakes Drive, which winds its way through the park, and found a road closed due to a bridge being out. We drove around the sign and parked at the foot of the bridge and set up our picnic spot on an outcropping on the side of the road overlooking a lake. The sun was quite strong so we set up some umbrellas for shade.







Bee, Bug and I had pasta primavera and fruit salads, while Tara had cheese sandwiches and potato chips. After eating, Bee opened some of her presents, which included a gift card for Nordstrom Spa from me. Tara walked around and took some pictures while the rest of us dozed either lying on the picnic blanket or in a camp chair.

We packed up and drove toward the city, stopping at a gas station to change our clothes before going into New York to see Waiting for Godot, the play by Samuel Beckett, starring Nathan Lane, Bill Irwin, John Goodman and John Glover. It wasn't quite what any of us were expecting, but it proved to be very thought-provoking and stimulated a lot of conversation on the way home. Once we got home and unpacked Yoshi, we had some ice cream cupcakes from Maggie Moo's and Bee opened some more of her presents before calling it a night.

Sunday I went into the city myself for a meeting with the PolyNYC Board to brainstorm on publicity efforts surrounding Katelynn's appearance at the May 20th meeting. There was some discussion on what we would do if she had to cancel on us, and if that were to happen, I volunteered to step in and do a presentation. Hopefully that will not be the way it plays out. The meeting turned into a two-and-a-half hour discussion about religion, GLBT issues and our personal experiences as GLBT people. It was quite interesting and experiences like this and like the dinner at Sylvia's are giving me a crash-course in gay and bi culture and understanding the issues around being a sexual minority in this country.

As I discovered from visiting the Google home page, today is Samuel Morse's birthday, the inventor of Morse Code. So appropriately enough, I invited Tara over to watch Let the Right One In with me, the Swedish vampire movie I love so much ("One of the best of 2008" - March 11, 2009). Afterwards Bee and Bug came over and we watched the season finale of Heroes, which left me feeling a little unsatisfied.

Birthday trip to Pennsylvania

We went down to New Hope, PA for some sightseeing and shopping for Tara's birthday today. We had car trouble on the way down that was a little worrisome, but luckily it turned out to be a minor delay.

We parked in Lambertville and walked across the bridge over the Delaware River into New Hope. Both communities are full of small independent shops full of antiques and unusual pop culture items. Tara got a handmade wooden xylophone at Sojourn, a store that specializes in handmade imports from India and the Far East. I got a lovely red silk scarf made in India and a pair of blue glass bead earrings that reminded me of Murano glass from Italy.

We also visited a tchotchke store with all kinds of pop culture stuff, where I got some Hostess Twinkie-flavored lip gloss. Tara got some Charles De Lint books at her favorite bookstore, Farley's, and we saw a store that specializes in antique weapons that had replicas of all the swords in the Lord of the Rings movies.

Here's a photo of me on the bridge over the Delaware river, which connects New Hope and Lambertville:



We came back and stopped at Harold's Deli for dinner, then back home for presents and ice cream cake. Birthdays are always fun, but it seems like it's been a long time since we had such a nice, relaxed family outing like this. Even with the car hiccup, it was quite a marvelous day.

Happy Birthday Christine!

Today is the 20th birthday of one of my oldest friends, Christine. Longtime readers might know her as Chris, and really, really longtime readers might remember her as Sean. For most of her high school years she lived her life as a boy, but has now come into her adulthood as a young woman.

I met Christine online back in 2004, in the transition period between my old life and my new life, before Tara came into my life in later part of the same year. We used to IM each other all the time, at all hours of the day and night, since she used to be online a lot. Maybe she still is, but I stopped using IM programs years ago. We were both going through a lot of pain in our lives with difficult relationships and our own inner conflicts, and we supported each other as best we could, given that I was in Houston and she lives in Pennsylvania.

I think when two people go through the kind of trauma and life-changing events that we did together, it forms a bond between them. I sometimes compare it to being war buddies, but on a lesser scale, although there were definitely times when I worried about her hurting herself. I even made her promise me certain concessions if the worst were ever to happen, but thankfully, we never got to that point.

If nothing else, Christine has a singular distinction in my life. She was the first person in my life whom I met on the Internet who progressed to the point where we talked on the phone, yet surprisingly, we've never actually met in person. I still remember our first phone call, the first time we heard each others' voices. I remember the times she called me when she was upset because she had been fighting with her now-ex boyfriend, and I would try to comfort her. She wrote me a lovely letter on her old Web site once for Christmas, telling me how much I helped her deal with stuff. I think helping her actually helped me in turn to have a better perspective on my own problems.

Christine has had a difficult life so far, certainly, but I think she's a survivor, and she's a much stronger person than even she knows. She's now writing about her life on a blog, which is linked to my public blog, if you care to read it. With all the crap she has been through so far in her young life (and some of it is truly tragic) she deserves all the happiness in the world. I hope she finds it.

Happy Birthday, dear Christine! I'm so glad we crossed paths when we did. I hope that someday I will be able to say all these things to you in person.

Theory of commitment

It was a long, restful and pretty uneventful four-day weekend for me, and thankfully my first day back to work has been slow, leaving me time to blog. Things could pick up quickly this afternoon though.

Thursday was, of course, Bug's birthday, which started out with presents. Along with the plethora of TV show DVDs (The Addams Family, Spaced, Two Fat Ladies, Birds of Prey), books and an Eagles Greatest Hits CD, she also got a cute little Fender guitar amp and a wooden sword made of red oak for her tai chi practice. I miss having a sword in the house - I haven't replaced the one I lost in the fire of 2005. I've never been that much into the martial arts, but I do appreciate the symbolic meaning of blades in Asian culture, as well as pagan practice. Watching Heroes probably puts it even more sharply into focus.

After presents we went to Palisades Center Mall, the tenth-largest shopping mall in the U.S. Bug led us on a tour of all her favorite stores - the Japanese book store, the Asian tea house supply, the Lego store and the Disney store, plus Barnes & Noble, of course. I took a break when everybody gravitated toward the chocolate and candied apple store since I was still on my diet and didn't need the extra temptation. We had a nice lunch at The Cheesecake Factory - it was the first visit for everyone but me, and yet no one had any cheesecake. After all, we had birthday cake waiting at home.

After lunch we played around in the Dave & Buster's game room for a couple hours, playing skeeball, video games and trivia contests. Then it was home for cake (I had a tiny sliver) and watching one of the movies Bug received, Mysterious Island. The movie was fun in a corny, pulpy way, which everyone seemed to be in the mood for. Since it was late, and we were so tired from the day, Tara and I decided to take a raincheck on our planned sleepover, since we were going to get up early the next morning.

Friday I picked up Tara at 10:30 in the morning, and we took the train into the city, whereupon we split up - she took a cab to the Met for an extended solitary visit, and I took the subway to Chinatown for a hair coloring appointment. After about two-and-a-half hours in the salon, my hair is now once again very close to my natural dark brown color, but with just a hint of highlighting in shades of deep russet and ochre in direct light. I made my way uptown to the Met to meet Tara and we had a bite to eat at the museum cafe and a quick look at some of her discoveries before getting back on a rush hour train home. Then in the evening everyone came over to start watching Season Two of Heroes.

Saturday I ran my usual errands, buying lots of carb-friendly food for my diet, and then we had our usual dinner in the evening, followed by a showing of Howl's Moving Castle, which is becoming my favorite Miyazaki movie, displacing Spirited Away, then Saturday Night Live (which unfortunately seems to be losing its spark again after a promising start this year). Sunday was very restful and lethargic, as I didn't leave the apartment at all, even so much as to take out the trash. Even though I was in my pajamas all day long, it didn't bother me the way it used to in the past. I'm learning to enjoy and appreciate my alone time instead of getting melancholy, which is much healthier for me. I cooked food for this week's lunches, watched a lot of TV on my DVR, and one of my Chinese movies I'd checked out of the library, 2046.

On this movie, and a related one that is one of my favorites, Un Coeur En Hiver (A Heart in Winter), it occurs to me watching the protagonists (both male) that there is a fine line separating someone living a polyamorous lifestyle, and someone who has simply closed off from any possibility of a committed relationship. It occurs to me that pursuant to my post about unconditional love that some people might read it and conclude that I don't believe in commitment, since I didn't specifically address it. The answer to that is quite simple really - I believe in a relationship model where you can be equally committed to more than one person at a time. Why is it so hard to understand this, yet people easily grasp the fact you can love more than one child at the same time, or more than one sibling. So what's the difference?

One word - sex.

The root of a monogamous culture is based on taboos and ideals about sex, and by extension, procreation of the human race, which is certainly an important thing. However, they have little meaning for someone who can't have children or chooses not to have children, or someone who can simply view sex as just an extension of all the pleasurable acts we engage in when we love someone. Once we choose not to put such an unjustifiable significance on the sexual aspect of a relationship, it becomes easier to see that multiple romantic relationships (whether they involve sexual relations or not) have just as much validity as multiple familial relationships.

People also talk about how there are only so many hours in a day to devote to yourself and your significant others, and how does one manage to juggle multiple partners when one seems to be more than a handful? Again, I invoke the offspring example. People might talk about how they can't afford another child, but you will rarely hear someone say they don't have enough time or love to bring another child into their family. Of course having everyone under the same roof produces efficiencies that are not always possible with multiple romantic partners, but the concept is largely the same. Every child is considered a blessing - so should it be with new love, if approached with the same level of sensitivity and care as one would employ when bringing home a new baby. And like with those who love children, loving someone should not be considered a burden, but rather something that brings joy and positive energy to your life.

So how to juggle the demands of multiple partners? I really can't answer that authoritatively since I've never actually done it myself. Maybe I never will. But going into any new relationship with a poly mindset will at least give me a good starting framework.

Not that it has anything to do with all this, but Tara and I both had dreams Saturday night where we were either married or getting married. We haven't talked about such heavy, future-related issues for a while, so I'm not sure what those dreams are trying to tell us. They weren't "happily ever after" kind of dreams either - mine was pretty drama-laden involving my estranged birth family, and hers was just surreal. I guess anything's possible in the unknowable future, but I'm not going to spoil the present thinking too much about it.

Happy Birthday Bug!

Today we are celebrating Bug's birthday (not going to say how old she is) and the day is getting ready to start. We'll start with presents and then we're going to the big Palisades Mall in Nyack to do some shopping, hang out at Dave & Busters and eat at the Cheesecake Factory. I'm sure there will be some fish on the menu that I can eat.

Bug is such an interesting person that I can't really do her justice in such a small blog entry. She's an artist, an author, a graphic designer, a chef, and so many other things. She and I actually share a lot in common, and we have similar temperaments and interests. I remember the time I was talking about a beautiful and rare book about unicorns that I'd lost in the fire of 2005, and she went to her room and produced the same book from her bookshelves. We often joke that we were twins separated at birth, since my biological birthday is actually the same as hers, today, although I celebrate mine in July.

Bug has been part of Tara and Bee's family for more than a decade, and in the three years I've known her, she has always been a pleasure to be around. She is the most loyal, trustworthy and drama-free person I know, which is surely something to admire.

Happy Birthday, dear Jennifer - love to da Bug!

Birthday gifts

Gosh, it was a wonderful birthday celebration last night, as usual! How my family does spoil me! Plus, we have our family vacation to the Finger Lakes at the end of the month to look forward to as well.

After work, we went to Charlie Brown's Steakhouse for dinner, which is an odd choice for a family that is half-vegetarian. But I told Tara I wanted to go somewhere new that I'd never been before, since our combined dietary restrictions means we typically eat at the same half-dozen restaurants and fast-food places when we all go out together. So just trying a new place was a treat for me, since I'm used to having lots of restaurant choices, being from Houston. Luckily Bee remembered that this was one restaurant we'd talked about in the past as a potential addition to our small stable of regular eateries.

Speaking of Bee, her string of bad luck continues to plague her. She tripped on her shoelaces and fell headfirst on a paved drive, cutting her head deeply above her eyebrow and bruising her hands. An ambulance was called, but luckily she didn't need stitches or have a concussion, just a whole lot of blood spilled all over the place. So now she has multiple reasons for taking all her pain medications, poor thing!

After dinner, we went home to digest and watch the pre-game show of the All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium, and then started opening presents. The big highlight was the entire box set of Harry Potter novels in the Hogwarts cardboard trunk. Since my beloved Twilight Saga will be finished next month, I'll have plenty to fill the young adult reading void until Midnight Sun comes out, whenever that is.

I also got several Vertigo books, like the Vol. 10 of Fables, Vol. 3 of Jack of Fables, and Vol. 1 of Y: The Last Man, to help fill the void left by the completion of the Lucifer series. Plus, I got two more Buffy the Vampire Slayer digests, as well as the last four digests of Strangers in Paradise, which I'm currently plowing through. I also got some other bound comics, like Green Lantern Corps, Avengers and a cool interactive Batman novel.

On the DVD side, I got some cult favorite comedies like Tapeheads and Midnight Run, one of Robert DeNiro's first attempts at comedy (and probably one of his best). I also got the first box set of the Ranma 1/2 TV series, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Extended Edition), National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets and Blade Runner: The Final Cut.

This isn't even a full list of all the things my family got me. As we always try to do, birthdays we spoil each other rotten, and really try to make each other feel special. I feel so blessed to have such a family.

After all the presents were unwrapped, they surprised me yet again with a tiramisu cake, knowing that it's one of my favorite desserts. And of course, it was adorned with a big wax number 4 in the middle, surrounded by candles that looked like stars on lollipop sticks. After cake, we started watching the All-Star Game on the DVR, but since first pitch was already after midnight, I couldn't stay longer than the first half-inning. Tara and Bee watched the whole 15-inning affair and went to bed sometime around 4 a.m. this morning. Luckily, they didn't have to work today like me. Maybe next year I'll plan ahead and take off on my birthday and the day after.

Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to fit all this new stuff on my already overcrowded bookshelves...

Birthday wishes and dreams

Today is July 15, and it's the birthday of the person you have all come to know as Michelle. As I usually do on this date, I think back about the year gone by, and I'm happy to say that, compared to years past, things have been fairly stable in my life. Stability is a good thing after all the turbulence since 2005. I'm still at the same job, the same apartment, the same family and mostly the same friends as last year. I haven't had any fires or natural disasters strike me this year as I have in the each of the previous two years, which is a nice change of pace. But of course, there have been major ups and downs with my relationship with Tara and the rest of my family.

Last July, we were probably at our lowest point, after being at our highest point just a month earlier. Things were strained all through the second half of 2007, but in January we reached a turning point, and things have been steadily improving since then. Today, we are probably close to where we were in June 2007, but with a slightly different relationship structure. It seems to be a relatively stable model so far, although it certainly has its drawbacks. But we continue to work on it, and honor the love that holds it together. If fortune smiles on us, we may yet reach a point where everybody can be happy in a sustainable way.

As longtime blog readers know, probably the most significant thing to happen this year is my exploration of polyamory, as chronicled extensively in this space. Accepting myself as poly in January has made it possible for me to reinvent my relationship with Tara and take responsibility for my own happiness, which has at least given us another chance to create a peaceful, loving bond between us. Only time will tell if we can overcome the difficulties that my poly philosophy imposes on us.

But for now, I'm just looking forward to a night of celebration with my family, sharing love and giving thanks once again for the life I've been fortunate enough to find for myself.

Tara's birthday

This weekend was Tara's birthday, and we had a blast. I got a membership at the Museum of Modern Art, which paid off handsomely when we saw the line for tickets when we arrived - they had set up a queue outside on the sidewalk because people could not fit in the lobby ticket line. But since we were now members, we went straight to a completely uncrowded membership desk to get our guest passes, and also bypassed the long public coat check line to drop our coats at the members' coat check. Considering regular admission for the four of us would have been $80, and the one-year membership and guest tickets only cost a total of $90, it was totally worth it not to have to stand in those horrendous lines.

After MOMA we stopped by the public library and Tara got a poster of the Winnie the Pooh exhibit that we had hoped to see, but had been unexpectedly moved earlier to the main branch at 42nd and 5th. So we walked back to the car and headed out to Palisades Center to have an early dinner at our favorite hamburger restaurant, a place called Cheeburger Cheeburger. I know, funny name, but they do have some tasty burgers.

After dinner Bug started feeling a little ill, but we managed to get through that and take Tara to Robot Galaxy, sort of a Build-A-Bear store for robots. She built and programmed two robots, each standing about a foot high. After dropping those off in the car, we went to see the U2 3D IMAX movie once more before it left the theater, and it was awesome again. We came home and opened a ton of presents, and had birthday cupcakes. She was very happy, and said it was the best birthday in many years, and I was happy to be a part of it after missing last year's birthday because of work and recovering from surgery.

But do you know what part of the day really made me happy, and that sticks out in my mind about the day? It's the memory of all of us sharing affection and love in public, from the four of us having group hugs at MOMA to walking through the mall holding hands or locking arms in twos and threes (it's hard to walk with four people holding hands because it takes up too much space). I didn't really think about it at the time because I was enjoying the moment, but how many times do you see a group of adults being cuddly in public? Couples, yes, and families with children, but rarely do you see three adults holding hands while walking down the street. And it just underscores how special our relationship is, and how lucky I feel that we are growing into the family I've always wanted to be a part of.

Happy Birthday to da Bug!

It's been a quiet week at work, which has been pleasant. I was out on Tuesday celebrating Bug's birthday (more on that later) and Wednesday my boss left for Saudi Arabia for 10 days. Plus, we lost the ethanol pitch, so quite frankly I've got a lot of free time on my hands right now until other stuff fills the void. Which is all good because I've been dealing with some personal issues this week.

So Tuesday we started the day at home with our traditional overwhelming pile of presents. Bee and Tara wrapped theirs in blue and silver, to coordinate with Bug's blue-streaked hair. I opted for traditional French provincial wrapping paper I got from the Met when we visited the Rembrandt exhibit last week, so the pile looked a little uncoordinated, but my creative piling method helped to restore some order to the chaos.



After opening all the presents, we drove to Palisades Center and followed Bug as she led us around to every store in the mall. We stopped at Jo-Ann's for a good while since Bug is a visual artist who works in textiles on occasion. She also got a cool Alienware PS2 controller in electric blue at a game shop, while I picked up some cheap used copies of Batman Returns, The Curse of the Golden Flower and The Brothers Grimm (a recent Terry Gilliam film). Of course we had to fight through the hordes of Halo 3 fans to check out, since it was launch day for that game.

We had a bite to eat at the food court (which was possibly the worst bowl of chili I've ever had in my life) and then went to Dave & Busters to play video games. We had dinner at a place called Cheeburger Cheeburger, which has some of the best burgers anywhere, I have to say, although I'm not really a burger aficionado. We ate way too much, then went home to digest and watch the end of the Yankees game.

After the game we had our Carvel ice cream in the shape of a whale (we call him Fudgie the Whale). Bee had the very cool idea of decorating the wall with blue and while ballons (again, to coordinate with Bug's hair, not because we're Jewish or Greek) and spell out Bug's age in binary code. Funnily enough, with the flowery wallpaper in the background, it looks a lot like the huge pile of presents she had opened that morning. Props to those who can decipher her age from this picture - you get the geek gold star award!

Birthday bash

While it will be 39 years in September since I took my first breath of air in this world, yesterday I celebrated the milestone that has taken on greater importance to my present life. It was on July 15 three years ago that I set my intention to take control of my destiny and become the person I am today.

This was by no means an easy decision. I knew by choosing this new life, I would lose some aspects of my old life, and as it turned out, I lost a lot more than I ever expected to. In setting my path, I knew there would be both challenges and rewards. I didn't know if my life would turn out better or worse in the long run. But contrary to my old nature of choosing the safe choice, I realized that sometimes in life, you have to risk everything (or in poker terms, go "all in") in order to fullfill your potential, to grow, and to have a chance at being happy and to live without regrets for things undone.

Last year I made the decision that from now on, I would celebrate my birthday on July 15 instead of the date on my driver's license. The reason is that July 15 is the anniversary of the event that brought me to my family here in New Jersey, and the life that I cherish now. The original date in September marks the anniversary of my link to my birth family, the day that I emerged from my mother and joined my father and older brother in that family. To me, that family doesn't really exist anymore, at least the one that included me. So there's really no justification for celebrating the date which I joined it, whereas there is ample happiness and love to celebrate for the anniversary of starting on the path that eventually brought me to my present group of loved ones I consider my family now.

To celebrate, we went to Six Flags Great Adventure, something I've been wanting to do since I moved here last year. I love thrill rides, and there's a monster one at SFGA called Kingda Ka that we wanted to ride first. Luckily Bee is also a fan of such rides, but Bug and Tara are not, so we spent a large part of the day separately in pairs. Kingda Ka holds the world records in speed (128 mph) and height (456 feet, or 45 stories) and accelerates to full speed in 3.5 seconds before shooting you straight up to the top and plummeting to Earth in a spiral.

It was an incredibly short line when we got on for some reason, so Bee and I got to sit in the front car after about a 30 minute wait. The sensation of speed at launch is pretty overwhelming, like being shot out of a cannon. A somewhat equivalent acceleration would be that of a top-fuel dragster which reaches 333 mph in 4.5 seconds. However, without the benefit of a windshield or other protection, especially sitting in the front car with nothing to break the air in front of us, it felt like my face was going to peel off and I had to shut my eyes because 1) to keep my contact lenses from being torn out, and 2) to keep my eyeballs from going with them. Next time we go, I'm definitely going to wear from eye protection, like polycarbonate sports goggles, so I can see what's going on and enjoy the ride more.

After Kingda Ka, we went on The Great American Scream Machine and Medusa before taking a break (which I needed because I was getting a bit of whiplash). My favorite coaster at SFGA however was Nitro, mainly because it didn't have any inversions and therefore did not require over-the-head restraints. It has a wicked first drop of 215 feet and there's lots of zero-G time along its mile-long track. Here's a picture of me waiting in line with the Nitro train in the background.

We went on plenty of rides, including the Congo Rapids water ride, the ferris wheel and the Skull Mountain mini-coaster (where Tara and Bug joined us and re-discovered their pronounced distaste for thrill rides) and also spent some time in the arcades and gift shops. I bested Tara once again at air hockey, but she took first prize in our skee-ball tournament. Bee played DDR for the first time and worked up a sweat to Ricky Martin and Queen remixes. Tara got a Green Lantern power ring that lights up with flashy lights, and I got some sun visors with Batman and Hello Kitty icons on them. For dinner we stopped at a Burger King where I got my birthday crown.

We drove a little more than an hour home to open my presents and omg, so many wonderful things my family got me! Books, DVDs, board games for us to play, decks of Tarot cards and star constellation cards, both things I want to start learning about. I got the first volume of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Omnibus and the Comics Journal Library book on Frank Miller to name a couple of things.

Also an out-of-print copy of The Sandman Presents: Taller Tales written by the author of Fables. I also got DVDs of Loving Annabelle and Captain Horatio Hornblower one of my all-time favorite adventure movies.

After all the presents it was getting too late to do the cake, so we saved that for tonight. I can't wait to get home so we can continue the birthday fun!