Great Adventure Shindig

Penny and I threw a fun party together celebrating my fifth birthday at Six Flags Great Adventure. Various people came and went for different parts of the party, and hopefully a good time was had by all.

We started at my apartment Monday afternoon when Penny brought her longtime friend Dakotah (whom I met last New Year's) and a new friend Kyle (whom she met at Otakon last month - he lives in Pennsylvania and is visiting her for the week) on a bus from Port Authority Bus Terminal. Shortly after, Ryan arrived in his own car - he lives about 20 minutes away from me in New Jersey. Polina met him at Otakon too; he's a polyamorous man in a relationship with a monogamous-minded girlfriend (who called him about three times that evening), and also quite experienced in the local BDSM scene.

Once everybody arrived, we took a quick swim in the pool before going to Costco to buy some pizza, salad and ice cream for dinner, and Penny bought a 1TB external hard drive for her new MacBook Pro. After dinner we spread out to watch a movie on the cuddle space I created by putting a raised air mattress in front of my couch and loveseat, like so:



After the movie Ryan left, and the four of us remaining showed each other music and video clips on the Internet as we got ready to retire for the evening. After putting our guests to sleep in the living room, Penny and I stayed up a while and chatted in bed, finally going to sleep around 3 a.m. I was the first to awake at 8:15 a.m. and made omlettes, turkey bacon and toasted jalapeno parmesan bagels for the girls while Kyle had cereal.

We got to Six Flags Great Adventure just before noon and met with Penny and Dakotah's longtime friend Matt (nicknamed "Panda"), who took public transport directly to the park from his home in Brooklyn. Since we bought and printed our tickets at home, we went straight into the park, bypassing the horrendous ticket lines. Seriously, I don't know why anyone would come to Great Adventure without a ticket already in hand.

Of course, no visit to a Six Flags park would be complete without a picture with a famous cartoon character - how appropriate that we got this one with the most famous lover in the Warner Brothers stable of characters:



Our first rollercoaster was the Superman ride, which suspends you facedown in a flying position as it loops and rolls. Then we went to its neighbor, the Great American Rollercoaster. At this point we were getting really hot from waiting in lines, so we decided to go to the log flume ride to cool off. We were briefly tempted to try the "Guess Your Age/Weight" booth, but decided in my case it would be cheating.

After getting soaked on the log flume (Panda hit us with a water cannon at the end of the ride) we lined up for the Bizarro coaster, a revamped version of a rollercoaster originally called Medusa. They added flamethrowers and mist sprayers to represent Bizarro's flame breath and ice vision powers, but it's essentially the same coaster we've all ridden before.



We took the sky tram to the other side of the park and rode Skull Mountain, a small indoor coaster, then to Congo River water ride to get thoroughly drenched (Panda received his due karmic justice by getting the most soaked). We took a break for lunch, and had some fun taking pictures of unusually shaped curly fries:



The line for Nitro was too long and slow, so we had to skip that one, which is a shame because it was my second favorite coaster in the park (Kingda Ka is my favorite, and it wasn't running that day) so Polina, Kyle and I went to ride Batman and a new indoor coaster called The Dark Knight while Panda and Dakotah wandered around together.

As the evening started to wind up, we played a few games to try and win prizes. I almost won a large prize shooting a basketball, but left the shot just a few inches short. Polina came in second on a Whack-A-Mole contest, so no prize there:



Eventually we all played a water gun shooting gallery together, and Kyle won a stuffed M&M man in gangsta wear:



As I mentioned in past posts, originally our friends Reiko and Kerry were going to come, but both had to cancel at the last minute. I had intended to come home after dropping Polina and Kyle back at her house in Staten Island so they could have some private time together, but Yoshi started developing a bad engine vibration while I was dropping off Dakotah and Panda in Brooklyn, so just to be safe and not get stranded in the middle of the night, I stayed over at Polina's house. Her mom made us some dinner of pan-roasted chicken and spinach pancakes with some fresh cucumbers and tomatoes from their garden. We all went upstairs to share the air mattress, and I was pretty exhausted from the day, so I pretty much dozed off while Penny and Kyle stayed up to watch Eddie Izzard videos on YouTube. In the morning Penny and I woke up together and let Kyle sleep in while I left for home. Yoshi is running roughly, but made it home okay. He has an appointment on Friday to get checked out.

When I got to my apartment, I saw an injured kitten on the side of the road in front of my apartment building. I parked Yoshi in the garage and got a box and pillowcase and walked out to retrieve it. It was still alive, but breathing rapidly and had blood coming from its mouth. I brought it to the city animal shelter, and they directed me to an animal hospital, but I couldn't find it. I called my family and Bee helped me find a hospital with a doctor on duty. I brought it in and the doctor told me the kitty had sustained severe cranial trauma and had a broken jaw. Based on its eye reaction and breathing pattern, he said it wouldn't survive more than a day or two, even with intensive treatment, so he recommended euthanasia. I left the hospital crying for this poor baby kitten, but knowing that at the very least, I helped to lessen its suffering.

As with everything else in life, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but the point is to try and not to give up until we know there is no hope left. It was not the way I would have liked to end my birthday shindig, but sometimes we can't control what is put in our path. All we can do is control our own actions and handle things the best we can.

My life according to U2

Here's a clever little meme that has been going around the Internet that I thought I'd share in case anyone else wants to try it. Polina did one for Red Hot Chili Peppers that made me laugh.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions.

Pick Your Artist:
U2

Are you male or female?
Even Better Than the Real Thing

Describe Yourself:
Can't Help Falling in Love (a cover from the soundtrack to Honeymoon in Vegas)

How do you feel:
Running to Stand Still

Describe where you currently live:
Where the Streets Have No Name

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
The Playboy Mansion

Your favorite form of transportation:
Fast Cars

Your best friend is:
Out of Control

You and your best friends are:
In God's Country

What's the weather like:
Indian Summer Sky

Favorite time of day:
11 O'Clock Tick Tock

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Pride (In the Name of Love)

What is life to you:
Some Days are Better Than Others

Your relationship:
Love is Blindness/Desire

Your fear:
Wake Up Dead Man (i.e. killer zombies)

What is the best advice you have to give:
Peace on Earth

Thought for the Day:
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

How I would like to die:
If God Would Send His Angels

My soul's present condition:
White As Snow

My Motto:
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Manhattan LoveFest IV

Tonight I went to Manhattan LoveFest IV - Summer of Love, a charity fundraiser benefiting the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, dedicated to causes for consenting adults who engage in alternative sexual and relationship expressions, and Fractured Atlas, a non-profit organization that provides services and support to artists and arts organizations.

On the way to the event, I stopped by to visit Polina at work - she works at Ciao Bow Wow in the Financial District as a dog sitter. One of the dogs, a boxer named Odysseus, took a liking to my fishnet hose and put a few rips in it, which I guess made my outfit a little more punk-y. He must have found the pattern irresistible.

I made my way to the Happy Endings Lounge and met my friend Lyndell at the door where she was a volunteer greeter. I talked with her for a while and then got a free chair massage from a tall, handsome black masseuse named Chaka. I haven't had a massage in such a long while - it felt wonderful. The next booth over had a Sybian machine (which costs around $1,400) that people were taking turns trying out. I also saw Rob there, whom I met a couple weeks ago at Poly Cocktail Hour and again last week at the Adventure Quest play.

The first program I attended was given by Steven Speliotis, who did a demonstration of Shibari, a form of erotic Japanese bondage. He demonstrated on a young woman named Alexandra, who is a aerial performance artist and teaches pole dancing classes. Using braided nylon ropes, they showed how to make intricate knots that stimulate erogenous zones on the body by applying and releasing tension, and controlling blood flow to different parts of the body, making them more sensitive to touch.

Then they demonstrated how to use a vibrator on the ropes, which transmit the vibrations to multiple parts of the body simultaneously. The audience was encouraged to participate by holding wrist knots extending Alexandra's arms, and applying the vibrator. After the program I chatted with him and Alexandra and her partner Michael before moving on to the next program upstairs.

The next presentation was by my friend Morpheus, who did an introductory course on BDSM. Using a volunteer from the audience, he demonstrated his expertise with various toys, such as a leather whip (which made an impressive "crack"), flogging with a martinet, and a violet wand, a device that generates static electricity which can be applied through the wand or through the fingers, tongue or lips. But he also talked about BDSM etiquette and the need for proper communication to make the experience a pleasureable and consensual transfer of energy from one person to another.

For the third hour, I listened in on Diana Adams' talk about Polyamory 101, a subject I obviously have plenty of expertise in already. Alexandra, who is poly, chimed in on the topic, but I didn't see Rob there. I saw my friend Kerry (she's Diana's girlfriend) and we listened together for a while, then went off to chat privately for a bit. Kerry is coming to our Great Adventure Shindig next week, so we discussed plans for that. After Diana's talk was done, I talked a bit more with Lyndell, then left to go home.

Hogwarts professor

I spent two days in a row on the Hogwarts Express with Lori on Tuesday and both her and Polina on Wednesday. Tuesday I came into the city and met up with Polina at the Macy's Herald Square, where she needed to exchange some shoes. As a result of her ongoing wardrobe overhaul, she showed me some of the clothes she purchased earlier in the week with her sister. Afterwards, we had a bite to eat at a deli and then she caught an express bus back to Staten Island, while I continued to Lori's office to meet up with her so we could go to a lecture at the New York Public Library.

The lecture was titled "Harry Potter's Bookshelf: The Great Books behind the Hogwarts Adventures" by John Granger, author of the book with the same title, and most recently The Deathly Hallows Lectures: The Hogwarts Professor Explains the Final Harry Potter Adventure.



The lecture was quite good, and of course, to a very involved and interested audience. Mr. Granger explained how J.K. Rowling borrows from many of the greatest works of English and world literature, most notably Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Dante's Inferno, as well as several different established literary genres, such as gothic romance, mystery, and English schoolboy fiction. He also confirmed that he is not actually a relative of Hermoine Granger's, as some people have asked him.

As longtime blog readers know, I'm relatively new to the Harry Potter phenomenon, having read all seven books for the first time in 2008 (since the Twilight Saga was done and I needed more stuff to read, so my family got me the box set of hardcovers for my last birthday - "Birthday gifts" - July 16, 2008). But even to a Potter newbie like me, the talk was very interesting, and will certainly enrich my future reading of the books.



After the talk, he signed books and Lori bought a copy of Harry Potter's Bookshelf. I said hello with her, and Mr. Granger explained why he was making a lot of eye contact with me, because he was using my reactions as an audience barometer of sorts. When I smiled and looked interested, he would take that as a cue to continue on that topic, and when I looked bored, he would move on. I was wondering throughout the presentation why he was looking at me so intently.

On Wednesday I had a very nice interview at a boutique (read "small") PR agency near Grand Central Station in the city. I met with the president and chief operating officer, and we seemed to hit it off very well. He even indicated which office I'd be sitting in if I were hired (which unfortunately doesn't seem to have a window that I noticed) but of course, this is dependent on them getting some new business in the door. The gratifying part for me was that he had called one of my former senior colleagues at Agent K and they had spoken highly of me, which is always nice to hear.

After the interview I went down to Union Square in the pouring rain to meet up with Lori and Polina at the Whole Foods to grab a bite to eat before heading to the movie theater to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Polina liked it all the way up to the end, but was peeved that the defense of Hogwarts against the Death Eaters was omitted. Also, she's still steamed about how Sirius Black met his end in the last movie. Lori was just shocked at the death of a major character in HBP, as she hasn't read the book yet. As for me, I still liked the new movie, but it doesn't surpass Order of the Phoenix as my favorite of the series so far.

Karaoke virgin no more!

Guess it's time for an update before the next round of activity starts again tomorrow, since it's been a week since my last post.

Friday I drove into the city and met with Polina and her friend Reiko near Union Square. I met Reiko on New Year's Eve, but we didn't get to talk very much, so it was like our first meeting. However, she is planning to go with us to Great Adventure next week, so we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other. We chatted for a bit over frozen yogurt treats, then she went home while Polina and I went to Brooklyn to see the Adventure Quest play at a venue called The Brick.

The play basically started as a live-action version of an early text RPG (e.g. Zork) with actors playing the roles of the Hero (who reminded me of Dirk the Daring from Dragon's Lair), Guard, Peasant Girl, etc. But as the Hero goes from scene to scene, talking to people and getting the same answers over and over, and figuring out what he needs to do, it slowly turns into an existential parody where he questions why he has to kill everyone in order to achieve his goals. Plus he falls in love with the Peasant Girl instead of the Mayor's Daughter whom he's supposed to rescue. There's an omniscient female computer voice giving instructions which adds to the realism (i.e. "You can't do that") and a points counter projected on the background goes up every time he does something right. It was a very clever and funny play, and a must-see for computer game geeks.

We met up with two new people at the play - Rob, a guy Polina and I met at the last Poly Cocktail Hour ("Deep fried pickles" - July 14, 2009) and Kevin, a bloke she met on the bus back from Otakon in Baltimore. After the play, we went to a diner for a bite to eat, then trekked back to Manhattan to find a karaoke bar in Korea Town, an area around 32nd Street and Broadway. Believe it or not, it was my very first time in a karaoke bar - since I grew up with karaoke machines in the house, there was never any reason to go out for that kind of entertainment.

So here is me singing Linkin Park's "In the End" - I sang Chester Bennington's part, and Polina rapped Mike Shinoda's lines, so we did it as a duet. We also sang "Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars together, but that was a hard song to sing!



There was a lot of multilingual singing, as Rob is fluent in Japanese, and Kevin in Chinese. Polina also sang a few songs in Japanese. However, none of us were familiar with Korean, which made working the Korean remote control somewhat of a challenge. Kevin and Polina sang "Tribute" by Tenacious D together, Rob sang "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis and "Beautiful Ones" by Suede (among others - he's a really good singer). Kevin and I sang "Sweet Home Alabama" together, and we all sang "Phantom of the Opera" together, with Polina and I singing Christine's part and Kevin and Rob singing the Phantom's part.

One cool thing that we realized near the end of the night was that the four of us were each from a different decade in age: Polina in her teens, Kevin in his 20s, Rob in his 30s, and me in my 40s (biologically speaking). I have to think that's a pretty rare thing, and further proof that age is just a number, not a limit at least when it comes to having fun. From left to right, here's Polina, Rob and Kevin:



After a couple hours of singing, we parted ways and Polina and I headed back to her place for the night. The next morning we had Shabbat breakfast with Penny's parents before her grandparents, older sister Sofia and her husband Robert came over for a visit. Sofia and I spent a couple hours going through Penny's closet and critiquing her wardrobe before I left for home for Saturday night dinner with my family. After dinner we watched "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

The irony of monogamy

There is a very balanced and thoughtful essay on the irony of monogamy on Examiner.com today that is worth addressing. You can read the full article here.

The article asks the pointed question: how did we as a civilization come to idealize lifelong monogamy as the primary, if not only, form of loving relationship? How and why did this become our modern-day reality? Were we biologically predestined to be this way? Or are we the living in the shadow of historical accidents?

After much discussion about human biology and the patriarchal usurpation of goddess-based religion, the conclusion is that monogamy may have its roots in the control of female sexuality so that men could keep track of their lineage, thus historically linking monogamy with women's oppression throughout human history. And in a final huge ironic twist, the modern stereotype requires that women have to nail men down and make them commit to monogamy!

However, the article does conclude in a balanced way, saying that none of this means that monogamy, as such, in necessarily bad - only that these conclusions should give us pause for thought. The writer asserts that some people (maybe even a majority of people) are best-suited for some form of a monogamous lifestyle – whether it be life-long monogamy, or serial monogamy.

However, he also makes the point that people (especially women) might do well to seriously consider the roots of their own desire for monogamy and if they do, they might find that the best path for some people is some form of non-monogamy. Living as we do now, with the option of genetic paternity testing, it could be that the original motivation for the widespread social endorsement of monogamy as the "one true path" for a spiritually rewarding and socially fruitful life is now gone.

Relationship talks

I just got home from a nice visit with Polina on Staten Island over the last day and a half. She has been busy working at her job in Manhattan, and was out all weekend in Baltimore for Otakon 2009, a huge anime, manga and Asian pop culture conference. She cosplayed as Duo Maxwell, a character from Mobile Suit Gundam Wing.



And she wasn't the only person playing Duo - there were at least three others at Otakon (but she was the only one who bothered to bind her breasts for added fidelity). Polina is at the far left:



She got back from Baltimore late Sunday night and slept over at her grandmother's place near St. Marks, and I picked her up from there Monday afternoon to bring her home with all her cosplay gear she had to carry. We hung out and read books together for a couple hours, making plans on Friday to see a show in Williamsburg called Adventure Quest with some of her new Otakon friends. Supposedly "capturing the style and spirit of the Golden Age of home computer gaming, Adventure Quest is both a nostalgic treat and a glimpse into the yawning Void." I expect that Penny and I will chuckle at different things in this play, considering that I was playing computer games that were state of the art almost a decade before she was born.

Afterwards we drove to Lori's place about 10 minutes away on Staten Island and she made us a nice dinner of spicy fried eggplant, pan fried vegetable dumplings, fresh green beans and onions in a curry sauce and rice. Then we watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which neither of them had seen yet. We'll try to watch the new Harry Potter movie in the city next Wednesday. Lori's boyfriend Erik came home soon after the movie concluded and we chatted for a while before saying goodnight to them and going back to Penny's house to watch an episode of True Blood on Penny's MacBook.

I called Tara for goodnight around 1 a.m. to tell her I was staying overnight, and we had a decent chat, all things considered. Penny and I stayed up until almost 4 a.m., talking about very personal things that we've not shared before. I am encouraged that we continue to break new ground in our developing relationship, showing that we can trust each other and communicate about things that are sometimes uncomfortable to speak about.

The next morning we made an omlette for breakfast and continued watching True Blood. We got a pizza for lunch and had another good relationship talk in the car as I dropped her off at the ferry terminal on her way to visit with other friends over the next couple days.

Fifth birthday at the Guggenheim

Wednesday was the fifth anniversary of an event that I celebrate as my birthday. My family came over in the morning and we drove into the city to visit the Guggenheim Museum, a very special place in my personal history. I first visited there by myself back in the early 1990s on my first trip to New York City, and it was probably the first time I'd ever been in a modern art museum. Looking up into the famous structure designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, I began a tour of contemporary art that expanded my conception of what art could be, and I've been a fan of modern art ever since. It was an honor to share this special place with my family.

Here's a photo that Tara took from the lobby - which incidentally is the only place that photos are allowed:



We came home and had an early dinner at Burger Deluxe, a gourmet hamburger diner near my apartment that we've been meaning to try ever since it opened last year. Then we came back to my place for a quick rest, watched some TV, and opened presents. As always, I got some wonderful things - the landmark DC event comic Final Crisis, a new Sherlock Holmes/Jack the Ripper story Dust and Shadow, Marvel Comics' Thor! Ages of Thunder, Terry Moore's follow up to Strangers in Paradise titled Echo: Moon Lake, and a new Vertigo title called House of Mystery: Room and Boredom.

I also got the first season of HBO's True Blood, based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels of Charlaine Harris, which I have been reading after getting caught up with Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series. The show so far is extremely faithful to the books, which is nice, and although Sookie is not as cool a character as Anita, the later books do start to capture some of the vampire and shapeshifter political structures that Hamilton brings to life so eloquently. Sookie is much more innocent than Anita, and unlike Anita, generally succeeds in staying that way. Other DVDs I got were the limited edition CD/DVD of Jeff Buckley's Grace Around the World and Peter Gabriel's Still Growing Up - Live and Unwrapped.

After presents we had some cake and went to the movie theater to stand in line for the 10:45 showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Out of respect for blog readers who haven't seen this yet, I'll refrain from saying anything about the movie, but I will say that I enjoyed it.

On Thursday I was supposed to have a job interview, but I woke up to find out that it had to be postponed due to a client emergency. I went into the city to have lunch with my friends Erika and Brigitte, who I'd last seen at Erika's birthday party in May ("Happy Birthday Erika!" - May 16, 2009). We were talking about their ideas for new business ventures that we'll probably continue to discuss in the coming months.

Afterwards I went to my friend Simon's apartment for a Vortex Healing session, something he's giving me in exchange for some PR work I'm doing for him. It was a very interesting experience, and it gave me some insight into how I might improve my life in the coming year, so I will see if I can follow-through on what I received from him.

Deep fried pickles

Just a quickie update because I have to get to bed for my big birthday celebration with my family tomorrow.

In preparation for my job interviews on Thursday, I went into the city Monday for a hair coloring, and got some rather bold red highlights done. I just wanted something a little more dramatic than the boring - albeit natural - color I've been wearing the past six months or so.

Afterwards I went to China 1 Restaurant for the monthly Poly Cocktail Hour, where I saw my friends Buck, Kyle, Lyndell, Simon and others I knew. Barbara and her partner Joe came for the first time since I've been coming, so it was nice seeing them. Polina showed up about an hour after me, and we met several new people, including a couple of dancers/choreographers named Anthony and Kristen, who are exploring the possibilities of opening up their long-term relationship. This meeting also marked the first public meeting of Open Love NY (which I unfortunately missed because my hair appointment ran long).

Polina and I left at 11:30 p.m. since she was coming home with me to do some shopping the next day. And just like last time ("Firefly marathon" - June 10, 2009) we seemed to attract an undue amount of attention on the train ride home. First there was a U.S. Army staff sergeant visiting home from his post in Italy telling us war stories from his time with the 82nd Airborne Division - he was on his third or fourth tour of duty and getting ready to go to Afghanistan. Once he got off at Newark, another man took his place in the seat across from us and continued telling us stories about Operation Desert Storm. We'd pretty much had enough at that point and started playing a game on Polina's iPod Touch so he'd take the hint to leave us alone.


The next morning, after a bit of a rough start upon waking, we headed out to do some shopping. As I did with Tara when we were actively dating, I offered to get Polina some things to make her overnight stays with me easier and more comfortable - a toothbrush, change of clothes, pajamas and toiletries, so we got those at Target. Then we went to Paramus to look for some boots that Penny has been trying to find for her anime-con costume this weekend in Baltimore. We found them at Nordstroms Rack, my favorite place for bargain shoe-shopping, and also found her a pair of jeans at the Marshalls in the same shopping center. Her old jeans were definitely ready for the recycling bin.


Then we went to a wig store so she could buy some conditioner/detangler for the wig in her costume. Afterwards, we had lunch at the nearby Hooters, the first time I'd been to one since I left Houston. I've been missing their super-spicy chicken wings, regardless of who is doing the serving. Naturally, we were the only two women in the place on a weekday afternoon. We also tried the deep-fried pickles, which I thought were pretty tasty:





After lunch I drove Penny into the city and dropped her off at work, and came home to visit Tara. We had a nice chat, and then in the evening I went out to the free movies and saw Public Enemies. I liked Johnny Depp's performance, but the movie seemed to lack focus and was a little difficult to follow for me. Not Michael Mann's best work, unfortunately.

Film screening

I had a nice time out last night with Polina and Afiya for a screening of Polina's short film, "Learning to Lead" at this year's class of A Different Take, an annual summer program that sponsors LGBTQ youths to make films about their lives and experiences. Polina participated in last year's class, and her film was shown at the MIX 21 Festival last October, where we went for our first date.

I was a bit early getting to Bluestockings, the queer bookstore where we were to meet. While waiting, I met and chatted with some people from Austin who were reading Julia Serrano's book Whipping Girl. Once Polina and Afiya showed up, we went to nearby Katz's Deli for a bite to eat. Katz's is the famous deli on Houston Street (pronounced HOW-stun) where the orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally was filmed - in fact, we sat one table away from the exact place where Meg Ryan demonstrated her acting chops (it's marked by a hanging sign). Here's a picture of my pastrami and chopped liver on rye, something I saw Anthony Bourdain order on his show, "No Reservations" on the Travel Channel:



After eating, we strolled over to Le Petit Versailles, a public garden in the East Village maintained by neighborhood volunteers. Polina got reacquainted with her former teachers and colleagues, and we started the screening as soon it got dark enough.



Polina had also invited Marc, a guy she met while in Argentina, and his boyfriend Xavi, who were visiting New York together, and they showed up midway through the program, just in time to see her film. Marc and Xavi are both journalists who live in Barcelona, Spain, and are traveling the world, working on research for a book and other projects.

After the screening, some audience Q&A and socializing, we decided to find a place to get a bite to eat. Polina invited me to stay over at her house so I wouldn't have to bail on the group in order to catch the last train back home. We made our way to St. Marks Street and found a Japanese restaurant where we had a late snack and chatted until about 1:30 a.m.



After walking Afiya and the guys to their respective trains, Polina and I headed to Staten Island, and got home about 3:30 a.m. She showed me her shiny new MacBook Pro and some YouTube videos on her new iPod Touch before we turned the lights out. In the morning, we had Shabbat breakfast with her parents and grandmother and played around with the MacBook some more until I started to make my way home.

Age gaps

Some old business before I get into a new update - here's a photo of the Unisphere in Flushing Meadows Park, where I played my cricket game. This stainless steel artwork is 140 feet high, 120 feet in diameter, and weighs 700,000 pounds. As Marty McFly might say, that's a lot of DeLoreans. The empty pool surrounding the base was filled with skateboarders and cyclists taking advantage of the smooth surface that is normally underwater.



On Wednesday I ran a bunch of errands during the day, including setting up another job interview for July 16 - I have two scheduled for that day, both PR agencies in NYC. One of them is a smaller agency near Grand Central Station, and the other one is a Top 5 agency a few blocks from my last job at Agent K. I'm also still waiting to hear from the agency in Cranford, NJ, but from a purely logistical standpoint, I'd much rather work in the city than have to drive through rush-hour traffic every day.

In the afternoon, Polina came over to my place after spending the previous night at her friend Laura's house in nearby North Haledon - Laura was part of our first Firefly marathon last month ("Firefly marathon" - June 10, 2009). We drove into the city to meet with Lori at my monthly Women's Poly Meetup Group, which includes my friends Barbara and Sylwia, who have been mentioned before ("Midsummer update" - June 23, 2009). We had nine women total at the meeting, a record high for this group, including a new woman also named Michelle, who is of Japanese descent. She was kind to take this photo of the rest of us - Barbara had to leave early, and Lori didn't want to be in the photo since she's not technically part of the group yet.



From left starting at the top, the women pictured are Adele, Polina, then myself, Sylwia, Oxy and Tamara. Lori actually knew Tamara as a friend and was pleased to reacquaint with her.

One topic of discussion, not surprisingly since Polina and I were there as a couple for the first time, was talking about age gaps between partners. Adele and Lori both have older male partners with age gaps similar to the one between me and Polina, and a few others were struggling with smaller, but still significant age gaps between themselves and younger men.

Although I constantly crack wise about the age gap between me and Polina, I've never considered it a serious obstacle to our relationship. Obviously, my personal history makes me unlike most women of my biological age, and it's not entirely in jest that I celebrate my 5th birthday next Wednesday. There is no doubt I skew very young in my appearance, my demeanor and my outlook on life. Polina, for reasons of her own, skews older than her tender age, so from an outsider's perspective our age gap seems unremarkable. In fact, many of the women last night commented that we seemed a lot closer in age than we actually are. Perhaps part of that has to do with the way we are slowly finding our feet as a couple. At least we have the advantage that no one will ever mistake me for being her mom.

On the rare occasions I think about our age gap, I consider the reasons that many people make age an issue in relationships. The most practical and objective one would be having children - a couple who are both in early childbearing years are probably going to be more successful at conceiving and raising a child together. Then the more subjective reasons have to do with social stigmas, inequities in education/income/career development, and generational attitudinal differences. Finally, there is the inevitable issue of not having the chance to grow old together, barring an early departure (morbid, I know, but it's true).

For Polina and I, believe it or not, we have talked about children, and natural childbirth is probably not in either of our futures, together or separately. Obviously social stigmas aren't much concern to transgender polyamorous pansexuals - what's one more log on the fire that social conservatives want to light under us? As for the inequities mentioned, her exceptional intelligence and my careful separation of my work and my private life keep those in check, while generational differences are something we have both always thrived on, even before we ever met one another. With the circles she travels in, Polina tends to have older friends (she has two older sisters), while mine tend to be younger than me (e.g. Pearl and Amy from my old life, and practically every close friend I have today).

As for the issue of mortality, I simply turn to one of my three core tenets - live for today, live in the moment. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. If we are happy today, that is enough. It would be a shame and a waste to spoil a chance at love today because we worry about what the situation will be decades from now. As I've said before, I'm not looking for the one "perfect" love that may or may not cross my path. Love is too precious to me to turn away because it doesn't meet some arbitrary standard or requirements. If two people feel that connection and spark between them, it should not be ignored. If there is no room in your life for more love, then you must be a very lucky person.

My first cricket game

Yesterday I played in my first cricket game, something I've wanted to do for almost 15 years. I fell in love with the game when I visited the U.K. back in 1997 and watched some games on the BBC. When I was visiting the City of Bath in England, I saw some kids playing on a school field and something about the sport just clicked with me. The sound the ball makes off a bat made of willow is somehow very appealing to me. I bought a couple balls, a set of wickets and a bat from a store in Bath and brought them home, along with a book on how to play the game.

My 15-year-old cricket bat has survived two fires and I had to replace the grip in 2006 after the first fire melted the original grip off. This was the first time it has had any opportunity to be used in a real game, so I brought it along on the bus ride into the city.



I went in early to have lunch with Polina at a barbecue place in Times Square before taking the subway out to Flushing Meadows Park in Queens. This is the location of the USTA National Tennis Center, home of the U.S. Open, which starts in a couple months. It's also nearby Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets.

The group consisted of six young men of Indian descent and myself. The guy who was supposed to bring the wickets (a set of three wooden stakes in the ground with two small bails perched on top of them, each about the size of a Mars candy bar) couldn't get away from work, so we improvised by dragging a 55-gallon trash can barrel to one end of the pitch, a strip of hard-packed dirt where the ball is bowled to the batter. This made the game easier for the bowlers, because the wicket target became a lot larger. We each took turns at bat, and each player bowled six overs (analogous to pitches thrown for strikes in baseball) to the batsman.

We scored the game as follows - if the batter makes contact with the ball and hits it far enough, he scores runs by running the length of the pitch as many times as it takes for the fielders to return the ball, each length counting as a run. If the ball went past the field boundary before it is touched by a fielder, it's an automatic four runs; if it leaves the field on the fly, it's an automatic six runs.

There are also several ways for the batter to make an out, which results in a deduction of five runs. First, if the bowler manages to get the ball past the batsman and hit the wicket (which in our case resulted in a loud "BONG" when the steel barrel was hit) that's an out. If a fly ball is caught by a fielder (who don't wear gloves, by the way) that's an out. Or if the fielders return the ball to one end of the pitch before the batsman gets there, then the batter is "run out." Any of those events causes a loss of five runs.

Even though I've never bowled an over in my life, I acquitted myself quite well, bowling three or four outs by striking the wicket. Unlike baseball pitching, the bowler is allowed to run up to the line where he (or she) releases the ball, and the elbow must be straight once the ball is brought higher than the shoulders. I usually keep a cricket ball around my desk and practice my grip and toss in my idle moments at my computer. Everyone was most impressed with my technique, especially when I told them I learned from a book, and it was my first game ever. Most of the guys I was playing with have been playing cricket since early childhood, so that was pretty high praise.

On the batting side, I came in last in scoring with a +1 run result, but the next best guy was only +2, so I wasn't too far back. The best guy scored more than 50 runs. I wanted to use my own bat, even though it was heavier than the other bats. Next time I'll use a lighter bat. In the field I had one decent play stopping a fast ground ball, but let a couple of fly balls drop because I misjudged the flight of the ball, or I got nervous about catching a hard-hit ball with my bare hands. The cricket ball is harder and heavier than a baseball, so this is definitely not a game for the faint of heart! I had one ball jump up and smack me on the forearm, but luckily did not leave a bruise.

We played until the light got so low I was having trouble seeing the ball, since cricket balls are dark red they don't show up very well in low light. When I got home, I was so exhausted from the play and just from being out in the sun so long that I felt a little sick and had to go to bed at midnight, which is really early for me these days. Consequently I woke up just past 4 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep until 7:30 a.m., then I slept until 12:30 p.m. Now today I'm just sore all over and it's painful just to move about. But it was totally worth it, and I'm looking forward to playing again.

Buffy vs. Edward Cullen

As a fan of both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight, this has to be the funniest remix I've ever seen! In this brilliantly edited clip by Rebellious Pixels, Edward Cullen shows up at Sunnydale High and tries to put the moves on Buffy Summers, who sees right through his sparkly facade, shutting him down at every opportunity, leading to an epic final battle between Slayer and vampire.

I've been ripping a lot of music from DVD today, taking advantage of an unusually stable computer. I completed two of my favorite Crossroads episodes - Taylor Swift and Def Leppard, and Sara Evans and Maroon 5 - plus the Peter Gabriel's Growing Up Live concert and started on Yes: Live From House of Blues. For those of you who don't know, Crossroads is a show where country music artists pair up with rock or pop bands and do a mash-up of sorts - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss was one of the most well-known and successful pairings. I especially like this song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift which works wonderfully as a duet with Def Leppard frontman Joe Elliott. Plus any song channeling Shakespeare can't be all bad, right?

Taylor Swift More CMT Music More CMT Music Videos

Kubrick and Concrete Blonde

Yesterday I watched a documentary on one of my favorite film directors called Stanley Kubrick: A Life In Pictures. It was a fascinating portrait of his life, told through people close to him and those who worked with him - actors such as Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Matthew Modine, Malcolm McDowell, Shelley Duvall, and others. I wrote a paper on Kubrick for a film studies class in college, so I've been a fan for a long time. Among great directors, I think only Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind as similarly influential and congruent with my cinematic tastes. Of course modern directors like Steven Spielberg (who collaborated with Kubrick on A.I. Artificial Intelligence), Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Woody Allen and David Fincher stand out as auteurs in their own right, but only time will tell if they achieve the immortality that Kubrick will be remembered for.

I went to the record store today and got an old CD I've been thinking about, Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde, a dark, goth-y work that was definitely the high-water mark for this band. Probably most people have heard their hit "Joey" from this album, or their cover of Leonard Cohen's song "Everybody Knows," which was on the soundtrack for the Christian Slater movie "Pump Up the Volume", another CD I used to have. I also used to have a CD single of the song "Ghost of a Texas Ladies Man" that included both "Everybody Knows" and an extended version of "Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)" that included some nice atmospheric effects like a distant clock tower and footsteps on a wet cobblestone street that evoked images of the Whitechapel District of London in Victorian times. Cool stuff.

Today I also went to the Verizon store myself (a day after taking Penny to the one in Staten Island) because my phone was starting to malfunction and it was time for a replacement. I opted for the Samsung Alias 2, which has a cool E-ink keyboard similar to those used on electronic book readers like the Kindle. It allows the phone to display both vertical and horizontal keyboards, depending on which way you open the phone. I like it because it doesn't have an exterior touch screen (which I don't trust to remain undamaged) and the keyboard is easy to use for text messaging. I also finally got a texting package so I don't have to pay for every message like I used to.

All for now - back to watching my collection of Kubrick movies.

Pride video

This is an amazing video and song done for Pride 2009 in the style of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire." The lyrics are below - thanks to Polina for finding it!

The job interview went well today, so now all I can do is wait and see. Afterward, I went to visit Polina for a bit, and help her deal with her dying cell phone by taking her to the Verizon store. I'm going to need to replace my phone soon too, but hopefully it will hold out for a bit longer.

I drove home from Staten Island in a tremendous thunderstorm, which was stressful and exhausting. I took a bit of a wrong turn on the NJ Turnpike because I couldn't read the signs clearly with all the rain, so it took more than two hours to get back. Plus I had to pee really badly the second hour in the car! So when I got back, I took a three-hour nap before Lori called and woke me up for a chat.

Now I'm going to shower and watch movies until the sun comes up.

PRIDE 2009
Music & lyrics by Jon Gilbert Leavitt

Silk top hats and button shoes, erotic tintypes, midnight cruise, Berlin gay society 1903
Sigmund Freud's Vienna's hype, identifies the homo-type, The Intermediate Sex and Heterodoxy
The gay wave moves across the sea, hello there Miss Liberty, Betty Boop is hot and hooch is out in the cold
Greenwich Village, Bloomsbury, gays in high society, Harlem nights, Chicago fights, Leopold and Loeb...

[CHORUS]: Pride, gotta have pride - we've been around too long to keep it inside.
Pride, can't sit back and watch from the side, pride is power and power is pride.
It's time to celebrate all the colors of the rainbow, get out into the streets, follow the tide...

The Captive hits the Broadway stage, The Fleet's In, Cadmus' all the rage, and The Well of Loneliness appears on the stands
Depression, bread lines, Crystal Night, Adolf shows Olympic might, put on your pink triangles and put up your hands
A-Bomb, 50's keen, the Kinseys shake the cocktail scene, James Dean, Mattachine, Doris Day and Harry Hay
Donald Webster Cory writes, Joe McCarthy picks a fight, J. Edgar, Roy Cohn shame on you, what else do you plan to do?

Christine Jorgensen's reborn, Daughters of Bilitis form, Ginsberg, Naked Lunch, Giovanni's Room.
Marilyn, the Beatnik scene, Jackie's in her Cassini, Vatican II and something's coming soon...
Summer 1969, the heat is rising all the time and over the rainbow Judy Garland sleeps
Stonewall Bar, men in blue, heads were broken bottles flew, "out of the bars and into the streets..."

CHORUS...

Boys in the Band played, Bette Midler sang, those bathhouse days, Lance Loud, gay and proud, Oscar Wilde Bookstore
...Sister George, Doonesbury, Tales of the City, Anita Bryant, Village People, Studio 54
Harvey Milk, rough trade, Aaron Fricke's prom date, GRID, Torch Song Trilogy, Boy George, GMHC
HIV identified, Rock Hudson, Liberace died, Bowers versus Hardwick's heard, Reagan finally says the word…

Barney Frank, AIDS quilts, ACT-UP, Randy Shilts, Queer Nation, Mapplethorpe, AZT
Amendment 2, Cracker Barrel, "don't ask, don't tell," Angels in America, March on DC
Greg Louganis, Elton John, George Michael, what is going on? Lilith Fair, riot grrls, spend a day at Disney World,
Cunanan scare, the McVeigh case, Ian, Ellen, Will & Grace,
Matthew Shepard- God bless you, what else can we look forward to...?

Gay-dot-com, VaxGen, another Bush in Washington, Millennium March, Mary Cheney, Queer as Folk
Dr. Laura's evil ways, bug chasers, ex-gays, 9/11 – Mark Bingham, Father Mychal Judge.
Holland starts the marriage trend, Beanie Man and Eminem, L-Word, Dubya's back, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Executions in Iran, no same-sex marriage ban, linguists discharged in Iraq, one step forward, two steps back...

Logo, Rosie, crystal meth, PNP, Mark Foley, Jim McGreevey, John Amaechi tells all
Doogie Howser, Lance Bass, Brokeback, Superman, Rufus does Judy at Carnegie Hall
Larry Craig - vice squad, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - Dumbledore, Nutmeg State, Obama wins, so does Prop 8 -
Forty years ago who knew, when Miss Rivera threw her shoe –a raid became a movement – and our Fourth of July…

CHORUS…

My first Pride Parade!

I got back this afternoon from a fun experience marching in my first Gay Pride Parade in New York - or anywhere else for that matter. I met up with the Polyamorous NYC group on 54th Street at 11:30 a.m. Sunday, and we milled around and watched the first part of the parade until about 2 p.m.



Polina was working that morning, and we were exchanging texts and phone call updates because it was looking like she wasn't going to make it in time to join us. Unlike past parades, the organizers were discouraging people from joining the parade along the route, so I was getting worried when we started marching and she still hadn't made it. Luckily we'd only gotten a block south on 5th Avenue before she caught up to us.

Some of my other friends who marched were Buck, Simon, Barbara and her partner Joe, and Linda and her partner, who were performing burlesque last time I saw them ("Shanghai Mermaid" - May 31, 2009). Barbara and Linda both met Polina for the first time, although they've heard plenty about her from me at past support group meetings. Our group of marchers came directly after the Gay Peruvians of the Americas float, whose members sported some extravagant costumes like this one made from ostrich plumage:



But we did have our big banner to walk behind, and Polina and I took turns holding up the center portion - Linda and Barbara can be seen behind her wearing hats, Linda in red:



The loud and colorful group directly behind us was Straight Women In Support of Homos (SWISH):



Between the Gay Peruvians and SWISH, our group was a lot smaller and more low-key than those immediately around us, but we tried to make up the difference using a bullhorn to broadcast poly cheers - everybody took a turn using it, including me:



One of our members, Trace Wax, had a nice idea for a shirt:



So we made our way down 5th Avenue, and found Katie and her girlfriend Lillian at 42nd Street in front of the main branch of the New York Public Library after connecting with them by phone. They were too far back from the parade barricades, so all we could do was wave to them. However, just before 14th Street, I was astonished that I was able to pick out my friend Angel waving from the mass of revelers, and I went over to give her a hug and introduce her to Polina. Then we had to run to catch back up to our group.

After the parade we went to Patrick's house (he's a PolyNYC Board member) for an after-parade party. Around 10 p.m. Polina and I left to drop by the SpiceNYC party at the Taj Lounge to say hi again to Angel, who was peddling her assortment of toys and intimate accessories at the event. We got back to Polina's house on Staten Island around 2 a.m.

The overwhelming feeling that I got from marching in this parade was one of amazement and hopefulness. This year is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots that sparked the modern gay rights movement. It amazes me that in my own lifetime, we as a society have come from complete ignorance and hatred of the queer community to the outpouring of support that I saw amongst the thousands of parade watchers yesterday. It gives me such hope that we as a society can change, and that we as people can learn to accept and value the many kinds of human diversity so that we can all make the world a better, more peaceful place in which to live.

Quiet outside, noisy inside

Lots of relationship stuff going on in my head, but not much of it makes good copy, at least in this space. Too much thinking about the future is not good for me. It's not that the present sucks, but it has been quiet.

Since coming home from Penny's house Sunday night, I've spent five straight days at home, mostly alone except for Tara coming over Monday and today, and frequent phone updates from Penny, who has been having an inversely busy week to my languid one. But it's the first full week I've spent at home in the last two months, so that's different. Part of the blame falls on the weather, and part on the fact that I'm planning on marching in Sunday's Pride parade in New York, so I know there's activity to come. At least I've been sending out lots of resumes, landing a job interview next Tuesday in Cranford, NJ. Plus, I'm looking forward to a nice Saturday night of dinner, cards and movie at my place with my family.

I had one of my wacky dreams last night where Tara was involved in some kind of espionage activity, and got shot in the leg in New Orleans. I was visiting her at the hospital there, and my friend Reid (the co-inventor of Cuddle Party) was in the next bed. We watched as he was receiving theraputic flogging from his Cuddle Party partner Marcia and my friend Diana ("Diana Adams on TV" - March 4, 2009) using a stick with a rubber ball attached to the end with a short rope. I asked Tara if she wanted me to try that on her, and she strenuously refused.

I left the hospital intending to take a bicycle tour of Bourbon Street, even though it was raining quite heavily. As I got back to my car to get my bike, a resident of a nearby apartment hailed me and asked me to help him fix his clothes washer, which was making a lot of noise. I told him the load was probably unbalanced, but it that wasn't it, he should ask his superintendent to fix it. Then I got on my bike and went on my way in the rain.

Since I was dreaming of New Orleans, this evening I got a box of Popeye's spicy fried chicken for dinner, one of the few things I enjoyed eating in Houston that I can get here in New Jersey. What I really miss are 24-hour Taco Cabanas; the only fast food open 24 hours here is McDonalds, which I will only eat in an emergency.

Anyway, not much else to say. Next week will probably be more eventful, and I'll try to take some pictures Sunday - it's my first time marching in any kind of parade.

Midsummer update

First of all, I want to wish everyone a blessed Midsummer, which was on Sunday when I was in Staten Island. Pagans celebrate the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its highest point before it begins to slide into the dark half of the year.

It's been a fairly eventful few days, but I'll be brief about it because a lot of it is rather personal. Thursday night I drove into the city and picked up Polina from work to meet Lori at the Baruch Performing Arts Center to see Vampire Lesbians of Sodom. We arrived a bit late, and the play was only an hour long, but it was an amusing and surprisingly conventional drama, despite the flamboyant title.

Friday I got a call from my friends Mandy and Anna from Ohio and they were in town looking for work. Things have been very difficult for them in the past few years, and they had been living out of their car for the past three or four days as they traveled here from Columbus. I went to meet them at a nearby gas station, filled up their tank and brought them back to my apartment and got them cleaned up. We talked about their plans to live and find work in New York, and I called my poly friends Barbara and Sylwia (who both work for social services organizations) for advice. We called some shelters, but the fact they are a lesbian couple and they had a pet rabbit with them made it impossible to them to find a place where they could be together. In the end, I bought them a car charger for their depowered cell phone, gave them enough gas money to make it back to Ohio, and sent them home so they could drop the rabbit off at Mandy's grandmother's house before making another try at a later date.

Friday night I went to my family's house for our weekly dinner, and we had a donut party with Dunkin Donuts while watching Richard Attenborough's masterpiece, Gandhi, which was nominated for 11 Oscars and won eight, including Best Picture in 1983.

Saturday Polina, Katie and Afiya came over to finish our Firefly/Serenity marathon and have dinner with me. We made a salad with tomatoes, green olives, mushrooms, artichoke hearts, bell peppers and croutons, tossed with Italian dressing. I made spaghetti with a meat, mushroom, onion and fresh tomato sauce, and a simpler version of my stuffed mushrooms as a side dish. During the movie, we had tea and brownies for dessert. Afterwards, we dropped Afiya off at her home in Jersey City, while Katie and I spent the night with Polina in Staten Island.

Sunday morning we had breakfast with Polina's parents and grandmother, and the three of us took a walk around the neighborhood before the clouds opened up with rain. We waited until the rain stopped around 4 p.m., then dropped Katie at the ferry terminal so she could go home to Brooklyn. After dinner with her family, Polina and I talked, cuddled, listened to music and surfed the net until about midnight when I finally left for home. We found a new term for our relationship - amitié amoureuse - which in French means "in-love friendship," and I found a cute poem describing it:

Une amitié amoureuse
between my cat and me
while she sits on my lap and purrs
denotes a love that's free
of competition with the rest
of others whom we may desire,
for neither wishes to contest
the right that each has to aspire
to other lovers in liaisons,
though amoureuse our friendship knows
that every heart has got its raisons,
as every garden has its rose.

Vampires galore

Just a quick post before things get hectic this week. Tomorrow I'm meeting my friend Simon to discuss a freelance assignment for his Vortex Healing practice, followed by my women's polyamory group meeting. On Wednesday Polina and I are attending the regular Polyamorous NYC meeting (where I won't be presenting), and Thursday we are taking Lori out for her birthday to see an off-Broadway production of Vampire Lesbians of Sodom.

This week I neglected to mention that I've finally finished watching all five seasons of Joss Whedon's Angel - that means I have now seen every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly, Whedon's enduring contribution to the television zeitgeist. Of course, I am also in the middle of a Firefly marathon that should conclude on Saturday, but I've already seen all those episodes once before.

I'm also reading Laurell K. Hamilton's latest Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel, Skin Trade while at the same time shuttling the older Anita Blake novels to Penny for her to read. She has to get through Micah, Danse Macabre, The Harlequin and Blood Noir before she can read the latest book, but at her reading pace that shouldn't take long at all.

Tara and I went out to the mall today and had a nice time walking around and shopping for various things. It's been a long time since we've had alone time together that was peaceful, although we did get into a spirited discussion over lunch about our philosophical differences in several areas. She's trying to be better about not wanting things out of her relationships that are not forthcoming, something I've encouraged her to do.

At Borders I bought Charlaine Harris' book Club Dead so I could continue the Sookie Stackhouse series once I'm done with Anita Blake. Unfortunately, it's only available in mass-market paperback, so that's only the second such book I've bought for my library since 2005 (I despise reading mass-market paperbacks and will always choose hardcovers or larger format paperbacks if available).

I also bought a DVD of the movie Sunshine, directed by recent Oscar-winner Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting, 28 Days Later). It's a very cerebral sci-fi movie that's less about action and more about humanity in space, and reflects Boyle's unique artistic vision. I'd heard good things about it, but haven't seen it until tonight, and it's an interesting film that I will probably have to see a couple more times before I can fully appreciate it.

Last Sunday I went to Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx for a walking tour with one of my lesbian meetup groups. I mostly got excited about seeing some cricket matches being played on pitches in the park areas. Here's a little video I shot of a bowler (the guy running and tossing the ball) and batsman scoring a couple of runs - as the fielder chases the ball, the two batsmen run back and forth between the wickets, scoring runs until the fielder returns the ball to the wicket keeper (the only fielder wearing gloves):

Poly advice column

The job interview on Thursday was pretty much a waste of time. They were looking for someone at a lower level than me, and my big-agency experience seemed to work against me. So after that was done, I went downtown to visit Polina at her workplace and drop off an Anita Blake library book for her to read.

Then I came back uptown and met my friend Barbara (who participates in my women's poly group) at the West Side YMCA to play a couple games of racquetball. I haven't played in several years, but it came back to me pretty quickly, and it was a nice workout. I'm glad I didn't get hit with the ball because I sure remember how much that can sting.

The weather here has been dreary, humid and pretty downright miserable, and it caused Anika to cancel any plans we might have made for today, since her flight was hampered by weather. I was going to have a hike in Yonkers tomorrow with my lesbian group, but that might be cancelled as well. Plus, the rain is keeping Tara and I from playing tennis.

I have been thinking a lot about relationships since Tara and I have had a bit of a difficult week. We've both been busy with various things and haven't had a chance to talk face-to-face very much. I hope we will get some time to connect again soon - she and the other girls are coming over soon for Saturday night dinner at my place, so at least we'll see each other for the first time since last Sunday night when we went to see Angels & Demons together. Although we try to talk on the phone every day, I can't remember the last time we went so long without seeing each other.

I did want to share this advice column on Feministing.com that offers some good advice about non-monogamous relationships:

Ask Professor Foxy: Am I Nonmonogamous? What Does That Mean for My Relationship?

Firefly marathon

I spent a very nice 36 hours with Polina over the last couple of days, starting with our second Poly Cocktail Hour at China1 Restaurant Monday night. I was there early for an Open Love NY meeting at 6 p.m., which was very productive since only one person couldn't make it. Polina arrived around 8:30 p.m. wearing a blue tank top and blue eyeshadow in honor of the newly UN-declared World Oceans Day.

We did our usual meet-and-greet of people we've met previously and new faces in the crowd. I ran into a guy I dated last year that I haven't seen since October. Polina's ex-boyfriend Patrick also attended - we met each other last November when I took her out for her birthday ("Museum weekend" - November 10, 2008). Plus Diana's girlfriend Kerry (not spelled "Carrie", as previously reported) of pending MTV fame ("Birthdays, MTV and Polina" - May 6, 2009) made an appearance and chatted with me for a bit.

Since Polina and I were hosting a Firefly viewing party at my apartment the next day, we left together at 11:30 p.m. to catch the last train back to New Jersey. On the train we met a guy named Byron who is a comics artist, writer and reporter, and thought polyamory was "wicked," as in cool, not as in sinful. For some reason it seems to me that when Penny and I are together, even if we're not doing anything demonstrative, we seem to attract more attention than we do separately. I'm not sure why that is.

So Penny spent the night at my place for the first time, and only the second time we've shared a bed ("Cooking party" - January 24, 2009). We were much more comfortable with each other this time around, and fortunately she does not find my bed too soft to sleep on in comparison to her very firm, post-industrial bed. The downside was that my building superintendent chose that morning to knock on my door at nine o'clock in the morning to replace my air filters and change my smoke detector battery.

After a breakfast of eggs and turkey bacon (since she obviously doesn't eat pork) we went out to pick up Penny's friends Katie from the bus station, and Laura (whom I met at the aforementioned birthday last November) met up with us there. We took them back to the apartment and started them on the first episode of Firefly, which neither of them had seen before. About halfway through, Penny and I went to fetch Afiya from the bus station and returned before the episode was finished. We plowed through about five more episodes before taking a break for dinner - Penny and I made pan-fried vegetable dumplings, bok choy and onion with black bean garlic sauce, and a spicy chicken curry with potatoes over rice.

After dinner we got all the way to "Ariel" on Disc 3 of the 4-disc set before calling it quits. We took some pictures to document what we hope might turn into a recurring event, but I especially like this one I accidentally snapped of Penny when she was handing me the camera:



After dropping Laura off in North Haledon, about 10 minutes from my place, we took Afiya and Katie back to Penny's house in Staten Island, where we all crashed for the night. Penny and Katie got up early to go into the city for various things, while I waited for Afiya to shower before dropping her off at the ferry terminal and heading home. We tentatively plan to complete the Firefly marathon on June 20, including a screening of the movie Serenity.

Tomorrow I have my first job interview in quite a long while, so I'd better get to bed. More news as it happens later.

Baby talk

I've been busily cleaning up the apartment in anticipation of having guests on Tuesday for a Firefly marathon I had mentioned a couple weeks ago. Polina and some of her friends are planning to come over and we'll see how many episodes we can watch. I'm hoping we can get through the entire season with a couple of Tuesday sessions so we can all watch Serenity together.

Last night I had dinner, poker and movie night at my family's house, and for the second week in a row, I finished last in cards. I guess my big win a few weeks ago is making me overconfident or something. I did teach everybody a new variation on draw poker, which I think I should call "NJ Transit" since we pass and receive cards like rail and bus tickets (we give new games New Jersey-themed names, i.e. Paterson is a seven-card stud game). For the movie we watched MirrorMask, a movie written by Neil Gaiman and directed by Dave McKean, in association with the Jim Henson Company. Also, Tara gave me a long-awaited new mix of songs called Music VII (Inquiry) in a beautifully designed package that I'm looking forward to hearing once the sun goes down.

Last Wednesday when I was on the train into the city, I had an interesting encounter. There was a baby girl sitting in the seat in front of me with her caretaker - she was less than a year old with beautiful golden hair and bright inquisitive eyes. She was pressing her head against the window looking out at the landscape rolling by, and she started looking at me from around and over the top of the seat.

She shyly reached out with her hand, and I responded by extending my index finger. She copied me, and we touched fingertips to each other. She found this very amusing, and we did it again and again, just barely touching the tips of our fingertips and smiling at each other. I thought it was wonderful saying hello in this way, through touch.

New Moon rising

I ended up staying home on Friday instead of going into the city to see Storm & Jonathan's concert at the Sidewalk Cafe. It was raining heavily all day, and I just wasn't feeling up to it.

I finally got around to watching the MTV Movie Awards that I had recorded on my DVR last Sunday, and it was lots of fun - Andy Sandberg was hilarious. Twilight cleaned up, winning Best Movie, Best Female Performance, Best Breakout Male Performance, Best Fight and Best Kiss. Also, they premiered the first trailer for the sequel, New Moon, and it looks fantastic. I'm so looking forward to seeing it in November.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

Birthdays, MOMA and The Moth

My June social calendar is starting out pretty much the same as May, and it's Pride month to boot, which means marching in the Manhattan parade on June 28. So here we go with more frequent blog updates on my fun-filled life in work exile.

Sunday night my family took me out to see Pixar's Up in digital 3-D, and it was everything we've come to expect from Pixar. Lots of fun, and a few weepy parts too. Plus another fun short film involving cute cloud people and storks.

Monday night I went into the city to have an early dinner with my friends Angel and Kyle at Cafetasia, a Thai bistro near Washington Square Park. Angel is an independent consultant for Brown Bag Party which is like throwing Tupperware parties, except they sell sex toys, lubricants and accessories.



Afterward, I took the subway to Brooklyn to meet up with Anika for an evening of storytelling at an event called The Moth. It's a regular event where everyday people volunteer to take the stage and share a personal experience with the audience for five minutes. Judges rate the stories according to different criteria and the winners go on to later events with other winners to be immortalized on CDs and podcasts.

Tuesday I went to a couple of sporting goods stores to look for a new tennis racquet because I returned the last one ("Public speaking" - May 20, 2009) after trying it out and finding I didn't like it. The new one is a Head Ti.S10 which is a discontinued design that I'd used once when I borrowed a Ti.S6 from Pearl's dad years ago. In researching the racquet, I found out that this Ti series license was purchased from Head by Sports Authority so they could manufacture them for sale in their stores - they are "legal fakes" in a sense. I also found a discussion thread that compared this racquet favorably to my old Hammer 2.6.

In the evening Tara and I played on a half-size mini-court owned by our township and the racquet did indeed play very much like my old racquet, but better because it's lighter and easier to maneuver due to a more advanced titanium/graphite construction. I can't wait to get it out on a real court and see how it feels on ground strokes instead of just volleys.

Wednesday I met Polina and her friend Katie at the Manhattan side of the Staten Island Ferry to have an outing. I'd met Katie at Polina's New Year's Eve party, so it was the second time we've seen each other. We decided to visit MOMA, since there were so many cool exhibits I wanted to show them from my last visit with Tara ("MOMA visit" - May 21, 2009). We had our breakfast/lunch at my favorite bagel place, Ess-a-Bagel near my old office, and walked over to the museum at the rain started to fall. Thankfully, Katie brought a small umbrella which she and I shared, while Polina cavorted in the rain (since she doesn't care as much about getting wet since her hair is so short now, I suppose).

Surprisingly, I ran into Storm's companion Jonathan in one of the exhibits, who recognized me despite me not wearing my glasses. I met him at the MTV party a month ago ("Birthdays, MTV and Polina" - May 6, 2009), and we'll probably see each other again on Friday, when they are scheduled to perform at Sidewalk Cafe.




From the museum we took the subway down to Bluestockings, an alternative bookstore, fair trade cafe and activist center for some coffee. There I met another woman I recognized from the MTV party, the unnamed woman sitting between Tash and Sarah in the group of young polys. I went up and introduced myself and showed her the picture on my camera. I'm rather amazed that in a city as large and populated as New York, I ran into two random people in a single day that I met at that MTV party.

From Bluestockings we walked a couple blocks to Happy Ending Lounge where Kyle was having his 46th birthday celebration at Pleasure Salon, a monthly sex-positive schmooze party held there. I brought our friends Kyle, Buck, Simon and Lyndell out to meet Polina and Katie, since Polina hasn't seen them since before she left for Argentina. The party had a superhero theme and Kyle is in costume with a cape, in case you were wondering.





After the brief reunion, Polina took off to Battery Park City for a family event, Katie went home to Brooklyn and I joined my friends for Kyle's party for a couple hours before heading home.

Shanghai Mermaid

Tonight I joined my friend Agnieszka and her friend Zach, who is visiting from Austin, Texas, for some late-night fun in the city. They got dressed up in some 1940s-inspired clothes, while I wore a faux-corset top and a blue satin sequined skirt that I bought years ago in Houston and haven't worn until now. I was going to wear it to my friend Joanna's wedding last year, but since I got stopped by a freak blizzard in Ohio I never found another excuse to wear it ("Blizzards and waterfalls" - March 10, 2008)




We started out at our old burlesque studio the Slipper Room where there was a student showcase event, when new graduates of the school take the stage along with some veterans to put on a show. We managed to grab front row seats and ran into a couple of our former classmates performing there. This is Rosie, in a beautiful sequined gown and feather boa:



This is Nikita (who also lives on Staten Island) and had an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous beaded costume, complete with tail feathers that came off a few at a time:



One of my poly friends, Linda, who has been to my women's group and was at Poly Pride last October, performed in a group dance with members of her poly family to the tune of "It's Raining Men," and it was nice reconnecting with her as well. When I told her I'd taken classes at the New York School of Burlesque, she wanted me to join their group in their next performance, but I demurred. I'm way too shy to take off my clothes onstage!

I also met and chatted with a striking young woman named Elle who is from Sweden, and has performed burlesque overseas, but will make her U.S. debut on June 17, the same night as the next Polyamorous NYC meeting. Hopefully I will get to catch her performance in a couple of weeks. Linda was kind enough to take this picture of us - her skin is so pale, she looks like a vampire next to me!



In the middle of the second set, we left the Slipper Room and went down to Rector Street to attend Shanghai Mermaid, a floating party of sorts (meaning it moves from place to place) that my friend Stephanie invited us to - we met her earlier this month at the City Winery ("Burlesque show at City Winery" - May 9, 2009). We met her inside and chatted for a bit before checking out the second and third floors to see what was happening.



The best part about the party were some of the extraordinary costumes - like this one from one of the performers dancing above the bar - how big do hat boxes come anyway?



The not-so-good part was the lack of air conditioning and the overcrowding around the performance area on the second floor, where a speakeasy band was playing. The third floor had a projector playing the 1931 Greta Garbo movie Mata Hari but little else. Although there were some interesting and friendly people there, there wasn't a lot of entertainment. Stephanie confirmed that this iteration of Shanghai Mermaid was not nearly as good as the one she attended in January, but it was nice seeing Stephanie and meeting some of her friends.

Tomorrow it's back to my quiet life with my family, with dinner and card games at my place, then to see Pixar's Up at the movie theater in the evening.

New American Wing at the Met

Today is Shavuot, a Jewish holiday commemorating the anniversary of Moses receiving the Torah from God at Mount Sinai. Since I'm starting to have more Jewish people in my life (Polina, Lori, Linda, Leon) it's nice to feel a connection with them through their spiritual beliefs.

Tara and I had a wonderful visit to the Metropolitan Museum today, where the New American Wing was recently opened with a ribbon-cutting by First Lady Michelle Obama. This wing has been closed for most of the past two years, which has been hard on us because it's the room where Tara and I first met on October 14, 2005. Now we are finally able to celebrate the anniversary of that event properly, in the place that it happened.



Here's a picture of me standing in the exact spot where Tara was standing on that night when she first saw me come into the room:



We saw three special exhibits this trip, starting with Roxy Paine on the Roof: Maelstrom, which I found to be reminiscent of a work I saw on my first trip to the Guggenheim that had a tremendous influence on my love of modern art:



We also toured an exhibit called Francis Bacon: A Centenary Retrospective, an artist who influenced one of Tara's favorite artists, Clive Barker. We saw Barker's work last year at a private gallery downtown ("A busy weekend" - May 12, 2008) and it's easy to see the relationship between these two artists. Finally, we saw The Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion which was about how models over the years influence the fashion industry and our perceptions of feminine beauty.

During our visit, Tara and I had a long talk about our different perspectives on artistic intent, on authentic identity, on living in the moment and our expressions of love. It was a little difficult at times, but not as much as such talks have been in the past. It's confusing when you love someone who wants something very different than what you want out of the love you share with them. I tend to celebrate differences and learn from them; Tara tends to celebrate affinity and enjoy the peace that comes with it. Without any easy answers for what to do, I put our fate in the hands of the goddess and just try to enjoy the moment for what it is without thinking about what it might lead to.

In the evening, I watched American Masters: Hollywood Chinese on PBS - it's about how Chinese and Asian-Americans have been portrayed in the movies over the years. It stirred up a lot of thoughts about my quixotic identity as a pansexual, transgender woman of Chinese ancestry who is both pagan and polyamorous. In talking with Penny on the phone about it this evening, I realized that having all these overlapping identities makes me feel even more like a teenager than she actually is, because I'm trying to internalize so much in a relatively short period of time - shorter than an average adolescence, at least. I'm not confused about who I am or why I believe in what I believe. But I do feel like there is a lot of growth ahead for me, not growing up so much as growing into the person I aspire to be.

It's oh so quiet...

It's been a very quiet week so far, a nice respite from my busy month of May. As I look back on my calendar, today is only the seventh day in the entire month where I haven't been out to see a movie with my family, or been at a meeting, a party, a museum or a group gathering. We were planning to have a family visit to the Metropolitan Museum today, but since Tara has come down with bronchitis, that had to be postponed.

The fact that both of my sweeties are sick at the same time is a bummer, but at least I'm not getting sick - my resilient constitution seems up to the challenge. For the last five years I've been highly disease-resistant, even when I had other people living with me in Houston. Several times both of them would be sick and I'd still be going like the Energizer bunny.

On Memorial Day I spent the day alone, and it felt a little weird to me. I usually don't do well with national holidays, as they remind me of my disconnect with my birth family. Tara was busy shopping for air conditioners, Penny had company over and Lori and Agnieszka were not available by phone, so I spent the day doing laundry and reading through my old journal that covers the period of Dec. 1990 to mid-1995. These dates correspond to graduating from college and saying goodbye to Agnieszka Prime to the start of my relationship with my ex in Houston. It was a pretty pathetic period in my life, I have to say, and I'm not sure why I chose to be introspective about it. But I'm over it now, and moving on to living in the present again.

Yesterday Tara and I went to see Terminator: Salvation, and we both thought it was pretty good. I would say it's probably my third favorite in the series, with T-3 being my least favorite and T-2 my favorite. Afterwards we came home and made pancakes and bacon for dinner, and had a nice, quiet evening.

I've been asked to take on a small freelance assignment publicizing a book on Gaia theory and its relationship to bisexuality and polyamory. It's got me thinking about the possibility of a polyamorous family and what that might look like someday with people who share my philosophies and ideals. I imagine a small group of non-monogamous, romantically committed people living together, supporting each other, raising children and being a part of a larger erotic community where no one has to hide their feelings.

It would require communication with each other at a much higher level than many people may be comfortable with, but we're talking about creating a new kind of family outside the traditional nuclear model and therefore little can be assumed. This model is also built on love, but instead of being expected to remain static, it grows organically over time - changing as people and situations change and involving multiple partners. It is based on the assumption that we humans have a limitless capacity to love each other and should not be required to hoard or ration the love we give and receive. One of the book's central ideas is that the more love that we all are able to give and receive, the better it will be for us as a species, and for the planet as a whole. Just like Burt Bacharach said, it's what the world needs now.