Moving thoughts

I finished reading Terry Moore’s “Strangers in Paradise” series last night, the second time I’ve read the series through. It has one of the best endings of any comic series, a nearly perfect ending. You all know how much endings in books and movies mean to me, so that’s saying something.

The confluence of reading SiP and other recent events in my life has made me think a little about the future. I know, dangerous. Trying to see the unseeable future almost always opens the way to fear of the unknown. So the challenge is to consider the future in a disinterested way (the right definition of disinterested, please, not what most people think it means – look it up if you’re not sure).

Two of the three people most involved in my day-to-day life – Kacey and Piper – are both moving with their roommates to new residences in the next two months. Both of them were forced to do so by their landlords. I, on the other hand, am staying put at least until March. I love my place, or at least I will once all the renovations are done. They say it’ll be in June, but who knows. Right now I just want them to hurry up and get the second elevator replaced so we’re not all relying on a single elevator that is prone to breakdowns.

Anyway, all this to say is that I’m thinking about what’s going to happen next March when I sign a new lease. My expectation is that my rent will skyrocket beyond my willingness to pay because of the upgraded building. I don’t think my landlord is paying thousands of dollars in renovations just to keep the same customers they already have. With a modernized building, they will want to price the old tenants out and re-let units at a higher price. So whether it’s next year or the year after, I can see the writing on the wall.

I hate moving about as much as I hate looking for a new job. So I’m thinking about buying a place – I have enough saved up for a downpayment. So this year I need to start looking at where I might go. My job at Nearing seems pretty secure, but you never know. My company went through a takeover battle in 2009 right before I joined, and if it had been successful, our office would have been closed. That could happen again at any time. See what I mean? Fear.

But if I bought a place and my job situation changed, it wouldn’t be much different than if I were renting. I’d still have to deal with a possible move and either breaking a lease or selling a property. And it just makes sense to start building equity at the rent prices I’ve been paying the last two years in Manhattan.

The big issue is, where would I go? My job in Princeton confines me to living on the west side of Manhattan or New Jersey, rather than Queens or Brooklyn. If I moved back to the Garden State, I could get something bigger and nicer and not pay New York prices and state taxes. But being outside of Manhattan makes it much harder for Puck and my friends to visit me, and for me to justify coming in for my three to five monthly activities for my poly/kink groups. I’m sure I could adjust, but I would feel the loss after living in the convenience of Times Square.

The other option is to stay in Manhattan and find something I can afford to buy. That would probably involve a downsizing and moving to a different neighborhood, but it would have to be relatively convenient to Penn Station to keep my long daily commute bearable. That’s probably where I’ll focus my search first and see what’s available.

Aside from logistics, my other concern is how it affects my relationships. Puck is my family even though we don’t live together, so I want to make it as easy as possible for them to see me and be comfortable staying over. We’ve joked that I should get a place near Ryan and Beth so they could visit all of us at the same time. It’s a nice thought, since that would be very close to Princeton, but quite far away from Manhattan. That would probably mean driving to work and taking the train in for fun, which means I’ll have less of it.

Anyway, whatever happens, I know I’ll get through it the way I always do, with hope and faith that things will work out where I’ll find happiness and make others happy as well.

This past weekend was full of good stuff with Puck. I left work after lunch to drive out to Stony Brook and took Puck, Perri and Dave to dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant. The food was excellent, but we had to rush a bit to have time to get ready for the LGBTA Drag Show.

Puck and I grabbed front row seats for ourselves and Gillian and Jenn, who drove down from Massachusetts to attend. I also finally met Lauren in person, which was a treat for me. We didn’t know each other when we both marched in Slut Walk several months ago. I took a picture of her holding a sign and posted it on Facebook, and our friend Emily recognized her and introduced us online.

So we’ve had some nice conversations about trans issues and other social justice topics – she’s much more active in that than I am and I admire her for it. She used her assets to her best advantage by volunteering to collect donations for charity at the show, having people deposit bills into her front of her dress.

The show itself was a series of lip-synched performances by drag performers, including Emily, who did an impression of British comedian Tim Minchin singing a song about boobs. During the song she plucked Puck out of the front row and buried her face in their corseted bosom (she asked permission before, of course!)

After the show we took Emily and her partner Ken to the diner for a late supper and then back to her room to watch a few episodes of "Firefly" (she wasn’t around for our Firefly marathon in 2009) before we returned to Translandia (Puck’s former suite) to crash on the air mattress.

Saturday we got up at noon and went home, stopping at the Cheesecake Factory for brunch. We unpacked and got dressed for the evening’s performance of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” at the Classic Stage Company near Union Square. It was a wonderful modern interpretation of the play, with beautiful effects using smoke and mirrors, and thousands of rose petals. The costumes and props were also beautiful, as were the performances by well-known actors like Anthony Heald (Silence of the Lambs), Christina Ricci (Addams Family Values, Sleepy Hollow, TV’s “Pan Am”) and Bebe Neuwirth (Jumanji, TV’s “Cheers”).

Sunday Puck had made plans but they fell through, so we took a drive upstate to the Woodbury Common outlet mall to do some shopping. I got them some nice button-down shirts at Calvin Klein, and I got a couple pleated skirts at Tommy Hilfiger and Jones New York. We looked in some high end stores like Versace and Zegna just for grins, but CK’s shirts fit the best.

After a few hours we were both worn out, so we drove back to Staten Island to watch Doctor Who, have dinner, and watch the first half of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King on my projector with the family.

This week has been quiet in the office with everyone out traveling. Tonight I’m meeting Lori for dinner then going to my women’s poly group. Tomorrow Piper’s coming to continue our Hitchcock marathon with Rear Window. Then Friday I’m going to see a play with Kacey at a private residence in Brooklyn.

I’m also going to note that I’m in the sweet spot with one of the books I’m reading, Charles de Lint’s “The Mystery of Grace.” You know, the part of the book where you’re hooked and can’t wait to pick it up again, but you don’t want to finish it too quickly.

Passover

This weekend was my third Passover spent with Puck's family. As always, I appreciate being included in these family functions - to me, it's a small gesture of acceptance of my relationship with Puck.

Friday night's Seder dinner was family only. There wasn't as much singing as last year, but the food was good. We had matzo ball soup, cubed veal, mashed potatoes, gefilte fish and a pickled shredded cabbage. I brought two kosher wines, a bottle of Moscato and a Cabernet Sauvignon for the toasts.



On Saturday Puck had to work so I went out to explore the Staten Island Mall in the afternoon. I walked the whole mall, then went to Marshalls to get a few things - a new purse, a couple skirts and a few tops, pillowcases and some odds and ends. When I got back Puck made me an omelette and we started watching Doctor Who before Seder. For this one, we were joined by Puck's neighbors and an out-of-town family friend, Pavel, with whom we went skiing two Christmases ago.

Sunday I led a group to see Jiro Dreams of Sushi, a documentary about the world's greatest sushi chef, at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas. Our group included Piper, Kacey and Becker, Lourdes and Azizi, an actress I met at one of Kacey's fundraising events.

Easter Sunday was also my "friendiversary" with Kacey, since we met last Easter at Storm's Easter egg decorating party - she even wore the same jacket to honor it. When I think of Kacey and how our friendship has developed, it always brings to mind that quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald from This Side of Paradise: "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered."

So back to the movie. After watching all that food porn, we had to walk up a few blocks and have some sushi at Tenzan (although Azizi had chicken teriyaki, so I guess she doesn't eat sushi). It was mediocre sushi at best, but it's impossible to compare after watching a three-Michelin star sushi chef at work.

I had to rush back down to the apartment and change to get right back to Papacookie in the same neighborhood for yoga, and I arrived 20 minutes late. I really need to be better about arriving to yoga without being a giant bundle of stress. We've also been off the last two weeks, so it was a strenuous workout for me. I'll be glad when my apartment finishes its remodeling in June because it will include a workout room so maybe I can use it to get in better shape. The problem with my gym has always been that the hours don't go late enough on weekdays, but an on-site gym should do the trick.

Oh, I will also mention that last Monday, Puck, Kacey, Becker and I attended Shotz! again and had a really nice time. The theme was that in each short play, a character had to be lost (physically or figuratively), there had to be a power outage, and the line "In the end, you to have choose whether or not to trust someone" was to be included. That's a quote from Sophie Kinsella, the author of my beloved Shopaholic books that I used to read. I think my favorite was the first short, where a man conquers his fear of heights with the help of some tough love from a carnival barker so he can go through with his marriage proposal.

After the play we went to a nearby St. Marks restaurant and chatted over sweet and savory crepes. It was the first time Puck has met Becker, and I hope to have more outings together with the four of us.

Fun with friends

It's been a really cool week. Active in a nice way. And this weekend has been pretty much the same. It's been a good balance between the intensity of work this week, despite Lori and Meredith being on the left coast.

Tuesday night was Open Love NY, and for the third time, I facilitated a discussion on negotiating relationship agreements. Puck came with Kiwi and Piper, so it was nice having all of them in my corner of the room. The discussion went well, and I was pleased that we got a nice flow of viewpoints introduced from both experienced polys and newbies. Afterwards we went to the diner and then Puck went home since they had something to do the next morning.

Wednesday after work I came home to watch the Rockets, then headed out to Bloomingdale's to get some makeup and meet up with Kacey for a short visit. We walked down a few blocks to the Melt Shop for some grilled cheese sandwiches and had a good catching-up chat. She walked me home to Times Square so we could continue talking then took her train home.

I had related a story about Houston to her and it reminded me of Stella. We've been messaging back and forth on FetLife and it's been a nice conversation. It's nice to see our connection last a bit longer than just our meeting in Massachusetts. It's just a shame she's so far away.

Thursday night was my movie night with Piper, but on the way over, she got some bad news and arrived in a bit of a sour mood (which was completely understandable). So rather than watch our Hitchcock movie, we just visited and talked for a few hours over a dinner of roast beef sandwiches I brought from work, and chips. Plus, she brought over some blackberry tarte for dessert. We'll try again next week to continue our marathon.

Friday night was the MMMM, and I sat next to a girl named Rachel, whom I've seen at past events but had never talked to. She's a delightful person, and it turned out that Piper had brought her into the scene (they were both at NYU before Piper graduated).

Saturday morning I was going to meet Lori for brunch, but she had to cancel because she wasn't feeling well. That was actually welcome since I was out late the night before. I just watched TV most of the day until going out to the grocery store for ingredients for peanut noodles that I made for Papacookie that night. Kacey and Becker showed up and we made some plans for next weekend. Jonathan started off the music program with a piano song, then a couple performed a solo dance accompanied by piano.

But the star of the evening was Azalea (or Za for short), their six-year-old child who did her first public performance, belting out a song she had written called "The Gleaming Eye." This was no patronizing kid performance. This girl has real talent that is simply astonishing for her age. I don't think anyone there that night will forget her performance, nor fail to marvel at the fact she wrote such a extraordinarily powerful song at such a tender age. I spoke to her briefly during the break and she has six more songs that she's in the process of teaching to her accompanist (her dad, I presume). I wish I'd captured it on video, but here's a photo taken by someone else of Za - her voice reminds me a lot of Amy Winehouse - and trust me, that's no insult to either of them.

After Za, we had a couple poetry readings, including one from Miriam, and then a string player who did several songs on ukulele, banjo and hand beats on his chest. He used to perform in the subways, where he shared that his best annual income equals what I make in about three weeks. What a huge economic gap! But having talent and artistic integrity doesn't often pay the bills.

Today I did some long-overdue dusting, vacuuming and cleaning of the apartment, plus culling through both my wardrobe and my DVR. And best of all, I had a moment of inspiration and finally got my wireless internet router to work in my apartment, getting around the stupid Time Warner cable security. So now I have both my laptop and my PS3 hooked up to the web at the same time so we can watch NetFlix on the TV, and Puck can now connect their MacBook wirelessly when they come over.

The Hunger Games

Busy and lazy weekend with Puck, full of good stuff. I'm really going to miss these kinds of weekends when they are back in school in the fall.

Friday night was the premiere of The Hunger Games. I got out a bit late from work (it's been happening a lot lately) so we walked over to the Chipotle to eat some burritos before heading down to the theater to sit in line for a couple hours before the 10:15 show. And it was definitely a good thing we did because the line was about 40 people deep when we got there, and eventually snaked through the entire lobby by showtime.

The movie was okay, but maybe expectations were too high with such good source materials (Puck and I both love the books). And funnily enough, the audience booing during the Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2 trailer was the topic of our post-movie discussion as much as THG itself. I don't know why we never learn, but every time we talk about Twilight it gets testy. We should just put that on the permanent "do-not-discuss" list.

Saturday we took a two-hour bartending class at the American Bartending School, learning how the basics of working behind a bar, mixing drinks, including the perfect martini.

Here's a short video Puck took of me, but you have to tilt your head to the left to watch it. Is your head tilted? Blink and you'll miss it.

After the class, we stopped by to pick up some concert tickets for Sunday afternoon from a friend who wasn't going to use them. Then I went to get my hair colored (purple again) while Puck stayed home to work. We met up at Molyvos, my favorite Greek restaurant in NYC, where we had a fine meal of grilled octopus, grilled lamb chops and braised lamb shank with orzo. In the evening we watched The Painted Veil and some of our Buffy episodes before bed.

Sunday we watched yet another Buffy, plus the commentary track from The Great Game episode of Sherlock before heading down to Town Hall for the People's Symphony Concert featuring the St. Lawrence String Quartet. The program included Haydn, Schubert and Dvorak, and I'd lay good money that Puck was the youngest person in attendance, and I was probably one of the 10 youngest persons. It was a really nice venue and a treat to hear classical music live for the first time in almost a year. Plus, we had really terrific seats at the front row of the mezzanine level.

After the concert we went for food at Yum Yum Thai Kitchen before heading to Fifth Avenue for Puck to catch a bus home to Staten Island. I took the opportunity to visit Best Buy and Barnes & Noble and buy some new movies: Alfred Hitchcock's The Man Who Knew Too Much, Anastasia, and The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I also got Blu Ray versions of the concert film The Cure: Trilogy and Hugo (so I can make up for the awful presentation at the Best Picture Showcase this year).

Flash! aaahhh!

After a month of nearly non-stop activity (Best Picture Showcase, Houston, Wicked Faire, Wicked Lake House party, and road trip) this is the first weekend in a while that I haven't had any plans.

The 5th anniversary Poly Cocktails party on Monday was a blast - it was just about as crowded as the holiday party back in December. Of course, after driving for almost 11 hours back from Columbus that day, I was a little zonked. Puck and I had dinner at my favorite Vietnamese hole-in-the-wall place on the Lower East Side. I got up with Diana and O Man to give a little speech about how Poly Cocktails has become the "front door" for many people to enter the polyamory community in NYC, and most of that is due to the friendly and welcoming atmosphere we've worked to create.

Tuesday Puck had a doctor appointment in the afternoon while I went shopping around Union Square, exchanging a pair of shoes at Nordstroms Rack and getting some tea at Whole Foods. Then we drove back to Staten Island to drop them at home and I returned to meet up with Kacey for some overdue catching up.

I parked Yoshi in midtown and met her at her workplace. We took a walk to the Radio Shack to buy a connector for my new Playstation 2 and then walked down Park Avenue until she could break her fast. By way of celebration of my raise and bonus, I took her to La Mangeoire, a French restaurant I've been to once before with Ken, back when we were dating. We waited a few minutes and snagged one of the two outdoor tables along Second Avenue so we could dine under the glittering skyline in the cool of the evening.

Wednesday I wore my new Nike AirMax shoes to work and boy, did I get a lot of comments about them! They are really flashy purple and bright orange and super comfy. A couple co-workers said they liked them, and my friend Yusha said "I wish I could get away with wearing what you wear to work, but I love it." On the train home, I sat in the "quiet car" and a man actually got up from his seat to tell me how much he loved my shoes before sitting back down. That are that eye-catching!

You know, I really enjoy it when people notice these things about me: my hair, my makeup, my clothes. I like being flashy, even though my personality and demeanor are anything but. If my hair was its natural color all the time, no one would ever say anything or notice it at all. I'd rather get compliments and run the risk of being inappropriately loud than to just be boring and conformist. After all, I'm in a creative profession so I'm entitled to a little leeway with my appearance.

Friday night was the MMMM and it was a nice surprise that Puck decided to come after their visit with Ryan instead of going straight home. They went straight from Penn Station and I met them at the diner, where we chatted with our friends Kiwi, Beth, D (who came down from MA), Anastaysia and Bella. We also got more acquainted with a couple new people named Katie, Emma and Stella (the latter two whom we met at Monday's Poly Cocktails).

I was so sleepy by 2 am that I opted to pay $10 for us to take a cab back home, even though it's only about a 15 minute walk. And one thing I love about living in Times Square is that no matter how late I get home, I always feel safe walking home because there's always people about and it's so brightly lit at all hours of the night.

The next morning we woke up late, around 11 am, and we had planned to have breakfast at the next-door Irish bar, Langan's, in celebration of St. Patrick's Day. There were two problems with this. First, we woke up so late that they were not serving Irish breakfasts anymore. Second, the bar was already packed with rowdy revelers. So we went across the street to our backup plan, the Evergreen Diner, for a more normal breakfast at the counter before Puck left for home.

The rest of the day I've been snoozing, doing laundry, watching the Rockets lose to the Clippers, packaging up recycling and blogging, of course. Since everyone's out partying, I have the laundry room to myself, which is quite a rare treat. Tomorrow is another quiet day, with yoga in the evening at Papacookie. This is definitely a weekend much needed.

Road Trip 2012

Puck and I took our first multi-state trip together this past weekend, driving from New York to Hershey, PA, to Springfield and Cincinnati, OH, to Indianapolis, IN, back to Columbus, OH and home. Puck created the #roadtrip hashtag, so I’m interspersing their tweets in my narrative.

Adventure weekend is officially begun! #roadtrip

Listening through @PhilippaJane's Chasing the Bard on our trip west! #roadtrip #podcasts

Our first stop in Hershey, PA was to visit my dear friend Alex (formerly known in this blog as Sean and Chris). He met up with us at our hotel and it was such a joy to see what a fine person he has turned out to be. I met him online when he was only 15 and we went through some difficult times together when I was transitioning back in 2005. Now 23, finishing up school and with a new job, he seems like he’s really gotten his life on a good track.

Yay for making new friends! #roadtrip

Alex and Puck hit it off famously right away, bonding over their mutual fandom of the BBC series, Sherlock. We went to an Indian restaurant for dinner, followed by a trip to Midtown Scholar, a wonderful bookstore in Harrisburg.

And this is why I'm not allowed in bookstores. *weeps* #roadtrip http://yfrog.com/ntnl9brj
Medieval scholars are hilarious. #roadtrip http://yfrog.com/keq9qioj

We came back to the hotel and Puck read aloud their Tolkien short story they picked up. I bought a book on Stanley Kubrick to prepare for my next film series with Piper. We also watched the first episode of Doctor Who since Alex hasn’t started on that one yet, and then it was time to say goodbye. But we are planning to meet up again in May for the Steampunk World’s Fair in Piscataway, NJ.

Chapter 9 of @PhilippaJane's Chasing the Bard! #roadtrip
#roadtrip music is Ego Likeness.

The next day we drove from Hershey to Springfield, OH, just west of Columbus, to meet my friend Joanna. I met Jo back in 2006 and we’ve kept tabs on each other since then, but she’s been busy raising two kids and I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing. She’s going through a rough time with a divorce, but still took time out to take us to the nearby Cracker Barrel.

My music education continues. Listening to The Cure #roadtrip
#roadtrip music now is This Way To The Egress (aka creepyfantastic macabre carnival)
Just passed a Schoedinger + Norris hearse. So that's what cat people do after their runs in fiction... #roadtrip

After dinner we went to the Ninja Headquarters store in the local mall, where I bought a German-made, ceramic folding knife and Puck picked up some book recommendations. Apparently, there’s a lot of ninjas in Springfield.

Springfield, OH has been charming. Love making new friends. #roadtrip
Got book suggestions and weaponry at the Ninja Headquarters (no I'm not joking) #roadtrip

We dropped Jo off and proceeded to Cincinnati, home of Puck’s friend Kat. She and her mom had just sold their house and were getting ready to move, so we are the last friends to visit her there. She’s moving to Indianapolis to live with friends and pursue a career in theater. She’s also starting a custom steampunk tailoring business and showed us her sketchbook. She may be short in stature, but Kat is a dynamo of energy and good vibes, and I was very pleased to meet her.

Visiting old friends = best thing ever. #roadtrip #cincinatti
Chatting with @xkaptain in her home. <3 #roadtrip #oldfriends

The next morning we drove to Indianapolis, spotting a few interesting sights along the way. There was a barbecue place in the shape of a mechanic’s garage, with the words “meat” and “lube” side-by-side, hence the tweet:

"That's what we need: steak-flavoured lube." -@Waterlily888 #roadtrip
Dog in a pick-up on the I-74. #roadtrip http://yfrog.com/mn8minj

Metamora next right... Town of metamors? xD #roadtrip

Next up was meeting Dez and Seifer and their little girl Amara, whom we took out to the Steak ‘N’ Shake. Neither Puck nor I had met them before – they are friends with Puck on a Skypechat group, so it was just a convenient coincidence that they live near Puck’s first girlfriend, Billie. We hung out with the family afterwards at their house and I played balloon volleyball with Amara – she’s such a precocious and polite little girl. I give Dez and Seifer major props for not only raising a future geek, but a well-mannered one at that.

Just met up with Dez and Seifer! #roadtrip #skypechat

We drove a short distance to meet Billie at the apartment she shares with her boyfriend Nate and two other roommates. She took us to see the sights in downtown Indianapolis and we lusted over teapots at the Teavana store.

We walked around the plaza for a bit, then we met up with everyone at a sushi restaurant called Ichiban for dinner.

Having sushi at Ichiban with @iridomaniac and Co. #roadtrip

After sushi, everyone went home to smoke some hookah and play games for a short time before we had to leave. We decided instead of staying overnight in Indy, we had to start back in order to make it back in time for the 5th Anniversary Poly Cocktails party on Monday night.

Hookah and Pokemon at House @iridomaniac before starting to head back east. #roadtrip
Farewell to Indiana and @iridomaniac! This #roadtrip is coming to an end.

We drove a few hours before stopping at a hotel east of Columbus for the night. In the morning, I found a delightful automatic pancake machine, the first I’ve ever seen, in the breakfast area. I get excited about the silliest things!

‎"They come in 24-packs? I'm getting one!" "You've had a whole 12-pack already!" -@waterlily888 and I about diet Mountain Dew #LotR

On the road again. The plan is to alternate napping and working all the way back to NYC. #roadtrip

To sum up, it was a wonderful trip. Yoshi logged miles like a champ, and everything worked out according to our hastily conceived plans. It was fantastic meeting all these cool people, and of course, the highlight for me was meeting Alex for the first time.

But the common theme I took away was that everyone we met is going, or has gone through some very tough times in life, at least as tough as my travails. Despite all this, I was struck by how positive all our friends are, how hopeful they are for their futures, and the futures of their children. It inspired me to see that, and made me grateful that we have friends with that quality of positivity and resilience. Hopefully we’ve also made some lasting connections that will lead to longer meetings in the future.

Passing through NJ on the way home. #roadtrip

Wicked Lake House party

After coming back from Houston I barely had time to unpack before we were off again on Saturday for Westhampton, MA for the Wicked Lake House party.

Puck came over in the early afternoon and we had some Chinese food delivered (including an excellent Peking duck) and went over our agreements for the party. This led to a little mini relationship check-in that was very positive. I also made peanut noodles to bring to the party while we talked.

We packed our bags and walked over the Shake Shack to meet Piper and get some food and drinks for the drive. I got vanilla frozen custard with chocolate truffle cookie dough mixed in, which was deliriously good. We walked over to a nearby park and Jet picked us up in the Dykemobile, a Ford Explorer like the one I used to drive in my previous life.

We had a little difficulty finding the house in the dark and snow, but we finally made it there and found the party in full swing. I met a girl named Katie right off the bat, and was surprised to discover that I’d already met one of the party hosts, Curtis, at my first public play party almost a year ago ("Slumber party" - May 17, 2011). He's a little too shy to have his picture here, but it's easy to describe him. Just think Edward Norton in American History X and you're about 90 percent there.

Katie is a grad student at Yale and she made these cute earrings that displayed symbols for quarks. One had a “T” for top and the other had a “B” for bottom (she identifies as a switch and her primary interest is in rope play). Of course when I pointed out Katie’s earrings to Puck, the award-winning astronomy student loved them.

Katie had brought a flogger she made herself to the party. It was unusual because its tails were made of deep red satin, stitched into segmented tubes and filled with rice, so it was quite heavy. I tried it out on D (previously referred to as Dee), but I was kind of afraid to let loose and have the pillows burst, which would have made a mess of rice everywhere. So she got off easy >: )

The same couldn’t be said about another girl who did a scene in the living room while I watched from the couch. She was topped by a very large, muscular guy using a variety of floggers, paddles and even bundles of rope. I’ve seen Piper take a lot of punishment, but this girl probably surpassed her in this instance (not that it’s a competition or anything, of course).

Other than flogging D, I didn't participate in anything other than conversation. Many people were playing with D's collection of stun guns, violet wands and other electric shock toys, but that is definitely a hard limit for me - I hate electric shock! I even have this tiny static discharge toy that I got from the Japanese bookstore that I use when I take my coat off at home. It lights up with a smiley face to discharge electricity when you touch it to metal.

In the wee hours while Puck was having sexy times with Kiernan downstairs, I scoped out the sleeping arrangements upstairs. There was one bedroom with two single beds and a smaller cot. Piper and Jet were sharing one of the beds and Katie was in the other one, so I asked her to move to the cot so that Puck and I could share the single bed. It was tight to be sure, but we somehow managed a fairly restful sleep from 4:30 am to about 11 am.

The next morning we had a communal breakfast preparation with some people making bacon and sausage and I heated up my leftover noodles in a skillet. Just like the last party, I had a dream; this time about Puck, Piper and me being in a gang and finding an abandoned Lamborghini. We were constantly trying to keep one step ahead of a rival gang of vicious thugs who were trying to steal the car from us. I also enjoyed the view of the frozen lake from the screened-in porch for as long as I could stand the cold being outside.

At the dining table, I noticed the girl who had bottomed in the living room the night before sitting by herself. I thought she had really pretty eyes, so I slid over to introduce myself. Amazingly, we had so much in common that we talked non-stop until it was time to leave. She's from Houston and went to Bellaire High School for a time, just down the street from my old house. Her house was very close to Ben's house inside the Loop. She's been through a house fire too. She misses the food we grew up with, but unlike me, she misses the weather too. Her name is Stella and she's attending school at Amherst College, studying wildlife biology. It was really cool making such a random connection with someone like that. I invited her to come to the Steampunk World's Fair coming up in May, but whatever happens, I hope we'll get to see her again soon.

Jet and Piper took us to the bus station in Springfield, where we boarded separate buses: me back to New York, and Puck to visit other friends and her sister in Massachusetts. They came back Monday night and stayed over a couple of nights. Last night we went out to a French restaurant called Marseilles and had a nice dinner to celebrate my raise and annual bonus, which I received on Tuesday. The bonus wasn't as large as last year's but still quite sizable by most people's standards.

Puck had a French onion soup and duck confit, while I had bouillabaisse and rack of lamb. The lamb was the best dish, and we had a delicious French Malbec red wine to go with everything. We also had a walnut cake with baked pears and a maple pecan ice cream. We toasted to happiness and love, and our love of New York where two people like us can be openly affectionate in the middle of a crowded restaurant without anyone batting an eyelash.

Lady Antebellum

This week I’ve been in Houston for most of the week at Nearing’s first off-site Communications planning meeting. Although Nearing is headquartered in New Jersey, our biggest office is in my hometown of Houston, and we have more employees there than at headquarters, including a group of communications people who report to a regional vice president who reports to one of my bosses.

On Thursday we visited the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, the second largest rodeo in the world. On the way to our seats, I heard someone calling my name, and I was shocked to see my old colleague Norm, with whom I worked for seven years in Houston. He and his wife were there and I was overjoyed to see them, especially by chance and because we’ve missed each other the last couple times I’ve been to Houston despite our efforts to meet up. Sometimes life throws you small miracles that you can only wonder at and be thankful for.

In our suite we enjoyed a scrumptious barbecue dinner and watched the rodeo, which included bull riding, bronco busting, calf roping and wrestling, mutton busting (little kids riding on sheep), a calf scramble (older kids chasing after and subduing the animals for prizes) and chuck wagon racing. This race was a particularly close and exciting finish!

Here’s what bull riding looks like:

Plus there was an indoor fireworks show that preceded a concert by Lady Antebellum, one of the few country acts I’m familiar with. We left right after they sang their hit song, “Need You Now” so we could beat the rush and get to bed before our early flights home in the morning.

Here's the band singing the first verse of their new single, "Dancin' Away With My Heart":

All in all, it was a very fun, very busy, and very exciting day – and a very memorable trip.

Oscar roundup 2012

For the second year in a row, Piper and I attended the AMC Theaters Best Picture Showcase (a 24-hour marathon of all the movies nominated for Best Picture). Last year it was 10 films; this year it was nine. And just like last year ("Oscar roundup" - Feb. 28, 2011) here's my impressions on these highly regarded films.

Hugo (in 3D) - This was, hands down, the most entertaining of all the movies, and it's a shame that the presentation was marred by so many technical glitches (it took them two starts to get the sound right, and then the house lights came on due to a fuse breaker in the middle, which required them to tinker to get the film back to where it left off). It was like a combination of two great foreign films, Amelie and Cinema Paradiso, but done with the American pacing of Martin Scorsese. The 3D effect struck a nice balance of subtle and flashy and, once you get used to it, it does enhance the story.

The Tree of Life - This was probably my least favorite of this year's bunch. Although I do admire director Terrence Malik's style at times ("The New World" - Dec. 5, 2010) this movie was a little too convoluted and cerebral for me. It also brought up a lot of unwelcome memories of my previous life because it was set in Houston and suburban scenes were shot in Smithville, a rural Texas town that resembles the neighborhood where my house burned down. For this kind of movie, I much prefer Darren Aronofsky's overlooked 2006 movie The Fountain, starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz ("The Fountain" - Dec. 4, 2007).

The Help - Puck and Piper were telling me about the controversy about the movie being racist and flaunting white privilege, but I didn't really see it that way. The other controversy about ownership of the rights to the story happens all the time in Hollywood (see Alan Moore's battle over Watchmen) and while I'm always on the side of the original creator, I try to treat each work on its own merits, rather than getting caught up in who "owns" it. I liked the acting in this movie better as a whole than any other nominated movie this year.

The Artist - Naturally, as the front-running going into the awards tonight, I was eager to see this acclaimed movie. With such high expectations, I was a little let down. It was such a redo of A Star is Born mixed with Singin' in the Rain that I felt like it wasn't an original story at all. The only gimmick was that it was done as a silent movie. But first and foremost for a movie that is titled "The Artist," I was expecting it to be more creative.

The Descendants - This was probably the surprise movie of the night for me, in that I had no idea what this was about, and I was pleasantly surprised about how good this movie is. George Clooney gives a great starring performance that should net him his second acting Oscar (first was for Syriana) and it was interesting having the movie set in Hawaii. This was 2011's The Kids Are Alright, but the story was actually quite original and engaging.

Midnight in Paris - I have to say that, the more I think about it, I think this movie deserves the Best Picture nomination more than any other nominee. It is quintessential Woody Allen, but at the top of his game. Sure, you could compare it to several of his earlier, lesser works, but this is the one where he brings it all together to create film that crackles with wit, insight, humor, passion and heartache. This was the surprise success story of 2011.

War Horse - I had such high hopes for this film. Steven Spielberg pedigree. A hugely successful Tony Award-winning show on Broadway. And while it was certainly a good movie, it missed the mark in making the best emotional connection with me. Some of the earlier scenes could have been cut because it dragged a bit in the beginning. Some of the best scenes at the end felt a little rushed. Just like in The King's Speech last year, I knew what the director was trying to go for, and I feel that he just fell short of getting there.

Moneyball - I enjoyed this movie and there's a lot to admire here. If you're a big fan of baseball statistics, this is your wet dream of a film. I just felt that the main character's work and family life were not well integrated in the plot. It was almost like they added on the stuff with his daughter as an afterthought to humanize him - it didn't really have anything to do with what was going on at work. Plus, being so grounded in reality with actual Major League Baseball players and teams made it a little difficult to enjoy the story on its own merits.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - I almost have to give a pass on this movie for two reasons. One, I was watching it between 6 to 8:30 a.m. after being up all night, so there were a lot of long blinks while watching it. Second, it was also a bit of a trigger for me because the main character is a developmentally challenged child, like the one I helped to raise in my previous life. At least the events of 9/11 aren't any more of a trigger than they are to most people in this country or else I would have probably skipped it altogether. All that said, I felt like this movie and Hugo had a lot of similarities (young boys in knee-length shorts trying to solve a mystery to bring closure to the loss of their fathers) except I enjoyed Hugo a lot heck of a lot more.

I'm just gonna say too that while this year's field of nominees is probably the weakest I can remember, I'm proud of myself that I was able to make it through the entire marathon for the first time.

Wicked Faire 2012!

Looking back on last year's Wicked Faire ("Wicked Faire!" - Feb. 21, 2011), I realize it was quite a pivotal point in my life. It was the first time Puck and I attended a con together. It was also my first taste of the BDSM/kink scene (my "sceneversary"), my first steampunk convention, my first exposure to mashup music (courtesy of Murphy) and it was where I met Piper and the beginning of our beautiful friendship.

So naturally, I was greatly looking forward to going again this year, and while the event likely will never have the same impact as the first one, this year was made even better because Piper and Jet shared our hotel room. So unlike last year when we had to sleep on an air mattress (partially inflated by mouth in the hotel hallway at 3 in the morning because my battery-powered air pump ran down) in Eric's room with four other people, it was much more comfortable this year, sleeping in a proper bed in a less-crowded room.

I was hoping to take Friday off to get a head start on the event, but Lori couldn't spare me so I had to work until past 6 pm before I could drive to Staten Island and pick up Puck. Jet and Piper drove separately and we met up at the Agreeable Agony vendor booth, run by Kiernan and Dee, our friends from Massachusetts. That's where I bought my flogger and Puck got their metal claws last year.

We saw more music this year, and one band I really liked was Ego Likeness, a goth/industrial band that we thought sounded like a combination of Garbage and Depeche Mode. I bought all three of their CDs and had them autographed by the lead singer and the guitarist.



Saturday was our full day at the con and it started with a Goblin Market in the morning. Puck went dressed as a fae, using a cotton-candy satin, over-the-top girly, ribboned dress from my closet as a skirt (putting some rips in the mesh for the proper ethereal effect). While they horse-traded secrets, memories and outgrown names with other people in the market and we watched burlesque performances emceed by the Goblin King, I traded an Open Love NY bracelet for a balancing plastic bird with the science geek, who also gave us a sample of chocolate ice cream freshly made with liquid nitrogen.

Here's a picture of Puck in their fae costume, along with someone we met named Vell in a fully decked out purple steampunk outfit:



As with last year, there were some fun exhibitions in the lobby of the hotel, such as the juggling demonstration:



Saturday afternoon, Piper (with Jet's help) led a group discussion about bottoming for rope that included things like demonstrations of different ties (me, Puck and Dee helped to demonstrate different positions), how to talk to a rope top, how to not get arrested while doing rope in public, and how to look good in pictures of yourself while tied up.



All weekend Puck participated in a live-action role play game (LARP) that required us to run around and perform quests and tasks that took us to every corner of the hotel. I didn't want to play for myself, so we just teamed up - I was their familiar, so maybe I was a unicorn (or is that too fancy for to be a familiar?) They did things like try on corsets, get flogged (by me) with a dice flogger, find a sexy male leather jacket, get photos or autographs from certain costumed characters (like Jesus, Severus Snape, the Goblin King) play a card game, etc.



Sometimes we'd run into other players and there would be a showdown of Rock, Paper, Scissors and an exchange of cards. But mostly we did a good job avoiding those battles.

Late Saturday night we saw the same band that we liked last year who again opened for Voltaire, This Way to the Egress. They are described as a steampunk/dark cabaret band, an homage to old-fashioned vaudeville, incorporating sideshow, burlesque and comedy in their own musical mayhem. They had both a ballerina burlesque dancer (who danced en pointe) and the mime performer we saw last year:





Once again, just like last year, we failed to see headliner Voltaire; this time because Puck had to use the bathroom and couldn't get back in because of the massive line to get in. Maybe next year!

Even later on Saturday there was a performance/showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show where Eric performed with a troupe of players. Since Puck has never seen it before, they were herded on stage with other "virgins" to have their "cherry" popped in the form of a balloon held between their legs:

The performers did skits and dance numbers corresponding to the vapid plotline of the movie, including leading the crowd in dancing "Time Warp" and a prelude done to Michael Jackson's "Thriller":

Since I have seen RHPS once before (and that was enough for me) I left after Rocky Horror made his appearance and made my way back to the hotel around 3 am to shower and get into bed. Jet, Piper and Puck made their way back after the movie ended - Puck said they were "underwhelmed" by the movie.

Sunday we woke up bright and early at 10:30 am to get packed up and checked out of the hotel. Puck continued LARPing in a new purple-y, sparkly femme outfit, complete with my over-the-top makeup job.

I took a little break from LARPing with Puck to catch an encore daytime performance by TWTTE and buy their new CD, plus get it autographed by piano player Sarah, who was so sweet and down-to-earth:

All of Puck's LARPing paid off handsomely when they were named the first-place winner of the game, receiving a complimentary admission to the upcoming Steampunk World's Fair event in May, so we're making plans to go to that.

I wanted to get to my weekly yoga class uptown, so we left right after the awards so I could drop them off at home before heading home for a change of clothes and a subway ride to Jonathan's apartment. I used my new Manduka yoga mat and I found it very comfortable, but since it's so thick, it was difficult to balance on one foot. I guess that's a necessary trade-off because otherwise it's too painful for my back, knees and tailbone.

Pre-Wicked update

It's been way too long since I've posted, and so much good stuff has happened. I really do need to be better about updating, or else just take one of my rare breaks from blogging altogether.

The Saturday before last was Open Love NY's CineKink screening of the movie Three by Tom Tykwer, the director of Run Lola Run. As sponsors of the screening, O Man and I got to say a few words to the audience beforehand, so we got a little publicity out of it for Open Love NY. The movie itself was okay, except that until the very end, it wasn't really about polyamory. It was all non-consensual non-monogamy, or cheating, until the very end.

So the best thing I can say about it was that it had a "hap-poly" ending, or a happy ending attributable to polyamory, which would have otherwise been a sad ending for at least one of the characters if poly was not considered a viable choice. Now someone needs to make a sequel in order for it to truly be a poly-themed movie.

Monday night was Poly Cocktails, and one person came up to me to say that my speech at CineKink inspired him to come out after a prolonged absence from the poly scene - that touched me. Puck came for the first time in a long while and they had lots of fun being immersed in the queer/poly/kinky bubble for a while, especially after being with their family all weekend in Vermont.

Normally, Puck and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, but since this year we happened to be together on Tuesday, we had a little improptu recognition. I gave them a card at Poly Cocktails, and got us some theater tickets to see, appropriately, "A Midsummer Night's Dream" two months hence on April 14. We also went out for dinner Tuesday night at Sosa Borella, an Italian-Argentine restaurant nearby in the Theater District.

Thursday night Piper and I had dinner at the Tick Tock Diner near Penn Station (I'd only ever been to the one in New Jersey, but I have fond memories of it). I had a wonderful Crabcake Benedict, which is two perfectly poached eggs with hollandaise sauce and paprika; one of them on a crabcake and the other on a bed of sauteed spinach. Since my least favorite part of a traditional Eggs Benedict is the English muffin and Canadian bacon, this is a great improvement for me. It's kind of an Benedict-Florentine-crabcake mashup dish, but it works beautifully.

Afterwards we went back to my place to continue our Hitchcock marathon with Spellbound, starring Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman. Next up is another Bergman feature and one of Hitchcock's best: Notorious, with Cary Grant.

Funnily enough, it was only 24 hours later when I saw Piper again at Wicked Faire this weekend in Somerset, NJ. This was our "friendiversary" because Puck and I met Piper at Wicked last year. I'll write about this weekend's excitement in my next post, so stay tuned :)

Steampunk dreams

I dreamed last night that Puck and I were living in a great house owned by a beautiful and wealthy lady, along with one of Puck’s other partners. The three of us went to the store to buy ingredients for fondue: gruyere cheese, bread, chocolate, bananas, strawberries, etc.

As we drove home, we passed a fine gentleman, dressed as a black knight and riding a great black horse. We got home and went inside to put our groceries away, and a few minutes later, the knight arrived. Our lady came downstairs, all dressed in an extravagant black steampunk ball gown, complete with a jaunty hat.

The knight entered the house on horseback through the tall, double-front doors that opened like gates, hooves clattering on the tile floor in the foyer, and announced his presence. The lady acknowledged him and accompanied him outside. We watched them talking in the garden from the window and discussed whether it would be indiscreet to take pictures of them all dressed in such finery.

Puck laughs at me that I always seem to dream of us living together, as this is the third such dream I can remember. They stayed over last night after a date with Alex on the upper west side, and I typically remember my dreams better when there’s someone else in the bed. Sleeping together seems to naturally segue into dreams of living together.

Porgy and Bess

I saw a curious sight on my way to work – the rear half of a taxicab wedged into a garage doorway too small for it. I wonder why anyone would want to saw a car in half in the first place.

So, because of Newt Gingrich, polyamory and open relationships are all in the news these days. There was a reporter at the Columbia Journalism School who wanted to feature me and Puck in his article, but we turned that down (although we both granted him separate interviews). I also had a lengthy interview with another Columbia grad student who is working on a documentary. And my friend Diana was quoted last week in a New York Times story and might be in an upcoming cover story for TIME magazine. It’s a pretty exciting time to be poly, somewhat like it was in 2008 when I was first came out.

Puck and I have been spending a lot of quality time together and it’s been very affirming for our relationship. They surprised me with a visit on Monday (the 30th) and we had a nice dinner at the Palm which was full of good food and conversation. Snuggles are always nice too!

We’ve also been playing Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe on the PS3 a lot lately. We went through the DC half of the Story Mode to unlock Darkseid as a playable character, and now we’re going through the MK side. Nothing like blood and violence to keep a relationship strong.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know I’ve been working on a visual model to represent the human gender expression. I got a lot of feedback on my first version, so a revision is in the works.

Friday night I went to the MMMM and met a new couple from Philly, Sean and Aurora. Also got to hang out with Beth, Kiwi and Ilan. Saturday night we saw Porgy & Bess with Puck’s family and it was really good. I think I saw it once as an opera when I was little and I remember it being very sad and gloomy. It’s still sad and even horrifying in parts, but seeing it as a somewhat grownup, I enjoyed how jazzy Gershwin’s music is (“I Got Plenty o’ Nuttin,” “There’s a Boat Dat’s Leavin’ Soon”).

Puck stayed over the rest of the weekend and Sunday we went to the gym to swim some laps in the pool and have a sauna. It’s about the only exercise they can do right now to start building their cardio back. Then in the evening they stayed home while I went up to Jonathan and Miriam’s apartment for my first yoga class with master yogi and calligrapher Emily Haydock. It was challenging and I’ve gained a newfound appreciation on how strong yoga practitioners have to be. I’m hoping this will be a weekly routine, since it’s very affordable and with familiar people.

I’ve also paid for classes in Japanese sword cutting, as I mentioned in a previous post (“A sword story” – Sept. 12, 2011) I’ve been interested in learning that art for some time. I just have to schedule them at times when I can out of work early so I can get back into the city in time. That may be a difficult thing to do until the annual report project is done in March.

Last night, Kacey invited me to join her and Becker (her bf) out to see aMios presenting Shotz, a series of spontaneous, hilarious and sometimes heart-warming short plays that are fearlessly written, rehearsed and performed within one month. Each one included the famous quote from hockey great, Wayne Gretzky: “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” It was in the Under St. Marks theater, where I’ve been before to see a burlesque show a couple years ago. Kacey had a friend in the performance; she played a Barbie doll among a set of three Barbies in a child’s closet – it was hilarious!

Tonight Kacey and I get some alone time to watch a movie and catch up. Wednesday is Women’s Poly Group, and Thursday Piper and I were going to continue our movie marathon with Alfred Hitchcock’s Spellbound, but she's starting a new job this week so we'll try again next week. I miss talking to her at work since her temporary assignment ended, but I'm so proud of her that she got an awesome new job right away! I’m looking forward to us all spending time together at Wicked Faire next weekend.

A lovely evening

Tonight Piper came over to start our Alfred Hitchcock film festival, starting with Rebecca (1940). We had a light dinner here in the apartment and talked for a bit, which was really just getting updates on things because we chat online all throughout each working day so we know most of what's going on with each other's lives.

Piper has become my closest friend in terms of staying connected and in contact, although our conversations typically don't go as deep as with others. We don't randomly text each other or call each other, nor spend weekend time together (except for the occasional parties - we're going to be at Wicked Faire together with Jet and Puck in a few weeks, for example), but we are on Gchat together all day long while at work, the way Bonnie and I used to be. Here's hoping things don't turn out the same way with us.

While I was making tea tonight, I found one of Puck's anniversary notes stuck on the wall under my range hood that I somehow managed to miss all these months ("Papacookie and Poly Pride" - Oct. 8, 2011). I don't know how many more I'm supposed to find, but this one was the best one yet. It reads:

You're more than music and movies,

more than eggs and bacon,

more than musicals and concerts

and reading aloud together at 3 AM.

You're more than True Blood marathons and Street Fighter IV,

more than Six Flags and Poly Living,

more than anything I could ever put into a poem.

I love you. Always.

<3 P

I don't know what I ever did to deserve Puck but whatever it was, I'm so glad I did it. Seeing Puck happy is one of my greatest joys in life and one I hope to indulge in for many years to come.

I love you darling, now and always. <3

Myth

It's been a pretty non-stop week before a nice, quiet weekend, and it's late now so I'll briefly recap before bed.

Tuesday was the Open Love NY leadership meeting at Diana's place in Brooklyn. Puck and I went together and they took notes for us. We talked about our mission statement and upcoming events.

Wednesday was the Poly Women's Group and we had a couple new members, plus Sylwia, Sarah and Katie. It was actually a really fun talk, as it usually is when we get a decent turnout.

Thursday I went to a bar in Brooklyn for Lourdes' 22nd birthday. Lourdes is Kacey's intentional sister and flatmate, and I was happy to see Kacey there too, back from her trip home to Colorado.

Friday night Puck came over and we had a late supper at the next door Dervish Mediterranean Restaurant. In the evening we continued our Buffy/Angel viewing and they worked on their paper for school.

Saturday we went down to Union Square for lunch at Whole Foods and to go shopping at Nordstrom Rack. We found a pair of size 7.5 men's black Oxford wingtips to go with the rest of the clothes I found them. We also bought a tie for Dave's birthday present, and we went out to celebrate that later that night at Society Billiards, along with Beth and a new person, Emily. We played a game of nine-ball and eight-ball and then went to the Hollywood Diner for a late dinner.

Sunday night was Myth 3: Friendship is Magic party (WARNING: not safe for work!) where Puck and I volunteered to give massages in the aftercare area. This is only the third public kink play party I've ever attended, although I've been to plenty of private and semi-private ones. Early in the evening I found my friend Jen there and after checking in with Puck we agreed to play a scene together with her topping me. We started in the common area and moved to a bathroom stall where she gave me some nice bite marks on my torso, shoulders and back, plus a vigorous spanking. There was also some stand-up making out, which was fun.

All around the room there were various forms of play going on - wax play, floggings, suspensions, punching, bondage, spankings. It was pretty amazing to see. Piper was going to come, but she was flying back from out of state and got delayed at the airport. I spent most of the evening hanging out with Beth, who was serving as the official photographer for the event.

From 1 to 2 a.m. I gave massages to people in the aftercare area, where people go to chill and recover from intense scenes. We got back home from Myth at 4 a.m. so no surprise that we woke up after 1 p.m. today. After our afternoon breakfast, we watched a little of Aladdin and Puck had to leave for a doctor's appointment, then home.

The rest of the day I've been doing laundry and cleaning up the kitchen, plus clearing off shows from my DVR. It's been a nice buffer until it's back to work and Open Love NY tomorrow night.

Happy Old New Year!

This weekend was the epic Old New Year's party that almost wasn't. Puck got really sick early in the week with a 102 degree fever and had to get to the doctor for antibiotics. By Wednesday they were feeling better so we decided to go ahead with the party, and I figured to do a lot of the "heavy lifting" so they wouldn't become exhausted.

Last week I'd found a couple of cute Cadbury fondue pots at Marshall's for $6 each, and I'd been bringing things for the party a little at a time all week long - bottles of wine, the air mattress, etc. - so I could load it all into Yoshi on Friday. After work I went grocery shopping in Princeton before heading out to Staten Island. Puck and their mom got big hunks of Gruyere cheese, bread and white wine for the fondue, and I got the chocolate, poundcake and fruits for the dessert fondue.

Saturday morning after breakfast, Puck, their mom and I cleaned up the kitchen and living room and set up tables and chairs for gaming, plus brought out the House games (Apples to Apples, Set, Blokus, Magic, backgammon, poker chips and cards, among others). As people started to arrive, I made my first batch of peanut noodles and we played our first game of BananaGrams (which I'm terrible at). In the early evening, Puck's mom left to stay with their grandmother for the evening, leaving us to get the party in full swing.

Once a fair number of people had arrived, Puck and I made the cheese fondue as an appetizer, served with chunks of French bread. Unfortunately, Puck themselves couldn't eat any of it because of the anti-inflammatory diet they're on (although I think they snuck a bite anyway). The fondue, which was really tasty, was probably the first cheese fondue I've had since I had some in Montreal in 1996.

I played some Texas Hold'em poker and came in third out of a field of seven. Puck's suite-mate Ri played the best (including getting quad aces once) and amassed the most chips, but Dave eventually won the game.

Puck and I played a game of backgammon and then I got started on dinner. I made another batch of peanut noodles, plus curry chicken, rice and stir-fried vegetables. Here's a picture of what my chicken curry looks like, from a batch I made last week at my place. The difference is that the one pictured is made with chicken thighs, livers and hearts, and the one I made for the party was made with organic chicken breasts, and minus a LOT of red pepper.

After playing some more games I got started on the chocolate fondue. I improvised a double boiler and melted chocolate chips with milk and Frangelico hazelnut liquor and served that with strawberries, bananas, cubes of butter poundcake, green apple slices and clementine wedges. It was messy but delicious. Here's a before and after shot of our fondue bowls.

At one point we had about 30 people in the house playing games and socializing, which is about as big a New Year's party as we've ever had. As the crowd started thinning, we built a fire in the fireplace and put a movie on the projector, "My Neighbor Totoro," the animated film by Hayao Miyazaki.

I set up beds on the upper two floors of the house for people to crash before turning in around 4 a.m. Puck came to bed a little later, just to make sure the fire was safely down.

The next morning I made omlettes with green onion and leftover Gruyere cheese, plus fried rice using the leftover rice, eggs and diced onion. I also combined the leftover noodles and the stir-fried vegetables to make a third dish. It all got consumed eventually, and I was pleased to get so many compliments on my cooking.

Some people left early but most stayed until just after midday before taking off. The rest of us made another fire and chatted until sundown. A few people stayed for a dinner of pan-fried fish and salad, which Puck's mom cooked for us when she returned in the late afternoon. We also watched one of the old Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes movies before I left for home.

I've never cooked so much food, and for so many people, in my life. I thought the party was a great success, and I'm glad we went through with it because it made Puck so happy to have their friends all around playing games and eating good food.

Hard choices

I was talking to Piper yesterday about the Bonnie situation (bonus points if this phrase brings to mind a scene in a certain movie directed by Quentin Tarantino) and I was talking about my past and leaving Houston, about the alienation from my birth family and from Tara and her family.

It made me think about the fact that I don’t run away from negativity. I avoid it, but I left Houston to be with Tara, not to be away from my birth family. It’s a bonus that I don’t have to deal with them, but they weren’t the reason I left.

As for M, it was never my choice to leave him. That choice was taken away from me by my ex, the family law attorney, out of bitterness and vindictiveness. Complicit in that outcome was my birth family, who abandoned me at the critical time window when I most needed assistance in order for that not to happen. If they had supported me, I could have fought my ex and maybe M would still be in my life. That he’s not, and the reasons why, are not things I can easily forgive or forget – birth family or no.

Even with all that, if my parents had any interest in reconnecting, I’d be willing to give it a try. But the fact that I learned about my father having a stroke from one of my cousins and not from my mom or my brother tells me that I am not welcome in their lives, even under the most trying circumstances. And part of me is glad that I don’t have to make the effort, because a trenchant effort it would take to get them to reconcile the person I am with the person they remember.

With Tara, she made it clear that she needed the space to be away from me, in order to get her life and her marriage back on stable ground. She made it clear that she would contact me when she felt we might resume contact. Knowing her as I do, I’m fairly certain that message will never come. But for me to initiate contact, I think, would be hurtful and destructive to both of us. I’m not willing to take responsibility for further damaging her family just to serve my own wants, nor do I want to hurt her any more than I have already. She knows what she said and we both know we don’t play games with each other. If she wants to reach out to me, she knows where to find me.

Everything I just said about Tara, I would also say about Bonnie. She asked for a month of non-contact, and then asked me to stop contacting her altogether, so I honored her requests as best I could. At least for my part, there wasn’t nearly as much animosity between us as there was with Tara (perhaps not as much love either) so I felt maybe we could be friends after we’d gotten past the final breakup. But now I think perhaps we’ve wounded each other too deeply and in too many ways. We probably could be civil in each other’s company, but it would be like crawling through a minefield of old hurts and bad memories. Is a friendship worth all that stress? Maybe, but it’s not really my call.

When I look back on those three situations, in every case I was the one asked to leave, shut out or abandoned. I’ve never asked anybody to stop contacting me, ever. I don’t know why the fates have ordained that I’ve had to endure this not once, but three times in five years. It has never been my choice to cut people out of my life. But I'm not going to have a victim mindset about it - life is too short for that. I just have to pick up the pieces of my life and move on as best I can.


On a positive note, I want to give a shout to Chris, with whom I've recently reconnected here and on Facebook. We went through some of our most difficult times together as internet friends for a couple years and it's wonderful to be back in touch, with each of us in much better places in our lives.

First post of 2012

First post of 2012 and way overdue. I've tried to start this post a couple of times and kept getting interrupted, but there's really not too much to say from an activity standpoint. The new year has started off pretty uneventfully.

I took 10 days off between Christmas and New Year's, and didn't really do much with it except be all lethargic. Puck and I spent Christmas together and we went to Beth and Ryan's Christmas Day party. Then the rest of the week I didn't do much until Friday, when I took Kacey to the Met to meet up with my friend Angel, who works there and was nice enough to get us free admission.

The museum was super-crowded since New Year's Eve was only a day away, but we snuck in the back door through the garage to bypass some of the lines and I got my angel ornament for 2011 for my Christmas tree. We started with a view of the Annual Christmas Tree and Neapolitan Baroque Creche, one of my favorite holiday traditions.

We had a quick tour of the newly renovated Islamic wing and I showed them some of my favorites, like the Versailles painting, Chagall's "The Lovers" and the Tiffany window, while Angel showed us the Picasso that someone impaled with their elbow that had to be repaired. In the modern wing, Kacey was fascinated by "Procession (Exodus)" by Portuguese artist Clinton De Menezes, a collection of hundreds of miniature people attached to the wall and took some pictures of it with my camera:

Since Kacey had another appointment we sped through things, which was fine since we didn't pay for admission. On our way to the Asian wing, I mentioned that I'd like to pay my respects to Ganesha, and Angel commented that the Met has many images of Ganesha. I replied that she would see for herself when we got there the piece I meant. At the farthest top northeast corner of the Met, in the northeast corner of a roomful of statues, the iconic Ganesha stands - the only one with dozens of coins in all different currencies laid before it by respectful visitors.

After leaving the Met, I went to the library and checked out a few things, including a lecture on DVD on "Nationalism and Expressionism in the Late-19th Century: Antonin Dvorak and Richard Strauss," taught by Professor Robert Greenberg of the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. It's the first time I've done a course on video, and it was very enlightening and enjoyable, since it focused on one of my favorite pieces, Dvorak's Symphony No. 9 in E Minor, Op. 95 "New World" (1893).

I've always been a fan of Russian culture - the music, the art, and more recently, the language. I've recently discovered Dmitri Shostakovich's series of short works collected in The Jazz Album, which I bought at the bookstore on the way home from the library. It features Waltz No. 2, which was recently used in a Heineken commercial extolling the rare virtues of handlebar mustaches.

New Year's at Puck's house was a fairly quiet family affair. We watched the ball drop, ate lots of food, and sang songs until about 6 a.m., then watched the old Clash of the Titans movie starring Laurence Olivier and went to bed around 8 a.m. One of my favorite things was helping out in the kitchen to prepare some of the food. Puck and I made deviled eggs, and I peeled and sliced pears for a tart. Those are some of the simple family experiences that I enjoy during the holiday time of year that I don't get to have very often.

One of the most boneheaded things I've done in a long time is not remembering that the office was closed on Monday, since New Year's Day was Sunday. I actually woke up early, took the train all the way to Princeton, and didn't realize what was happening until I saw that the shuttle wasn't there to pick me up. So I caught the next train back to New York and spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and cooking food.

Puck came over later in the evening and we started on Season 4 of Buffy, which we're going to watch interspersed with Season 1 of Angel in story continuity order. I've never actually done this before, because there is a large time gap between air dates between the two series. But it's really cool because there are several crossover events that you pick up details when watching them this way.

For example, in the first Buffy episode, she picks up a phone call and there's no one on the line, so she hangs up. In the first Angel episode, we see him placing that call just to hear her voice and not saying anything. That's pretty cool that Joss Whedon scripted those small details in two TV series that aired years apart.

Basketball season has finally begun, so I've been following the Rockets again, but they look pretty sorry this year under first-year coach Kevin McHale. Not expecting much of anything from them this year, but they're still fun to watch.

Piper and I are starting our own little film festival of Alfred Hitchcock movies. Between the two of us, we own several of his best films, so we're going to watch them in date order: Rebecca, Spellbound, Notorious, Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, To Catch a Thief, Vertigo, and North by Northwest. After that, maybe we'll tackle Stanley Kubrick next, and Kacey expressed an interest in doing the full Harry Potter series with me, so that might happen too.

Anyway, now I'm rambling. At least I'm all caught up before a busy week starts. Two poly meetings this week, and next weekend I'll be in Staten Island for Puck's Old New Year's Eve party, so that should be quite a shindig.