Monday, March 28, 2011

Happy Birthday Tara

Today is Tara’s birthday. I wish I could celebrate it with her, but the best I can do is honor and remember the times we had together.

The girl who sits across from me at work asked me today what part of Texas I hail from.

Houston, I said, and I’m going back there for a 10-day work assignment starting tomorrow.

No trace of an accent, she said.

That’s because I had to re-learn how to talk a few years ago, I said.

Then fortunately the group conversation steered elsewhere before I was asked to elaborate. Anyone who’s been to my office knows how open it is, and I don’t really like coming out to people en masse.

Days like today, I think about the process of how I reinvent myself every day, and how I have been doing it continuously for the past five years so that I don’t even realize I’m doing it anymore. I pick up new things from everything I come in contact with, analyze, filter and decide if it’s something I want to use. Almost every thought that runs through my head, I can trace back to an experience or person from the past five years. Most of it comes from Tara and her family, a lot comes from Puck, some from Bonnie and Hiba, and a little from other friends and co-workers. Very, very little remains from my old life and the people who were in it, except for what I choose to keep from my professional life.

I haven’t felt much like writing this past week because it’s been so crazy at work with all the nuclear kerfuffle, but there’s really not much to tell. Friday night I went to my friend Lyndell’s birthday party and listened to erotic poetry readings. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Puck on weekends, and they gave me a huge surprise when I returned home last Thursday night to find them at the apartment with dinner on the stove. My arcade joystick came in, plus my second PS3 controller, but I haven’t had much time to use them.

Yesterday Puck and I drove down to Hazlet, NJ in a red Mini Clubman Zipcar for Ryan and Beth’s engagement party. We came back and went to Gamestop to buy some PS3 games, then to the movies to see Suckerpunch, which was just okay.

Engagement party

I feel like there’s some tension in our relationship, but I can’t really say why. Things are fine on the surface, but we are a bit overdue for a serious check-in. Maybe when I get back from Houston in a couple weeks.

I’m rather looking forward to my Houston trip tomorrow. It will be nice to have a change of scenery at work, and after my trip in November, I’ll feel less anxious about stepping back into that environment. I’m looking forward to all the great food I’m going to eat, going to the Rothko Chapel again, and best of all, a co-worker in Houston got me a floor ticket to see a Houston Rockets basketball game in the Toyota Center - I hope Tim Duncan doesn’t dive on top of me going for a loose ball!

I’m not planning to see anybody from my past except for Linda, my former TxDOT co-worker and current pen pal, who is more involved with me in the present than she ever was in my past, so I don’t really count her as someone from my past. Best to keep the past where it belongs. Not to say I don’t still miss Tara and Bonnie, especially on anniversaries like today, but I wish them both only the best for whatever life has to offer.