Friday, September 26, 2014

Assumptions of monogamy

I got some big news on Tuesday night, but the timing of when I got it is a story in itself.

Tuesday night was Open Love NY, and I was leading a discussion about the myths of monogamy. I had cut out a bunch of "Dear Abby" columns from the newspaper and passed them around for people to read aloud and discuss the assumptions made about monogamous relationships. Assumptions like:

  • When you’re married, you’re not entitled to privacy or boundaries when it comes to your family.
  • If you love someone, your goal is marriage. If marriage isn’t workable, you must move on.
  • Monogamy means you can take your partner for granted.
  • Two people who love each other must be compatible in every way, with the goal of co-habitation.
  • You need to be 100% sure of love before you make a commitment. If you’re going too fast, you should slow down.
  • Being married is the only legitimate way to provide for someone in the event of death.
So of course, most of the room of 35 people were talking about the pitfalls of marriage (not monogamy per se, but the legal contract). As this discussion was going on, I got a text message because I forgot to turn my phone ringer off. It was from Agnieszka and when I read it, I couldn't help myself - I said aloud to the room, "OMG, one of my best friends is getting married this Monday!" and the entire room broke out into peals of laughter and applause. The timing of that text could not have been more perfect.

I sat between Charlie and Katie M from my women's group, with Charlie's girlfriend and my friend Jonathan sitting beside them - it was Jonathan's first OLNY meeting. After the meeting, Katie and I got some empanadas and went back to TSMC to eat and watch some episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer - she's making her way through Season 2.

Wednesday night Kacey took the train out to Princeton to visit me at Nearing, and we had dinner at a quiet little Italian restaurant called La Messaluna behind the Princeton Record Exchange. We started with some baked clams stuffed with some kind of cured pork, and I had a Pork Ossobuco served over a wild mushroom risotto.

Kacey, who is trying to have less meat in her diet, had the special black truffle risotto, which was prepared tableside by our server, who cut the risotto into four large quenelles and topped it with a luxurious amount of shaved black truffles.

We had to eat fast to make a 7:30 show of Anthony & Cleopatra at the McCarter Theatre, and we missed the very beginning. Kacey's friend Keith is acting in the production and got us comp tickets, along with another friend named Michelle, who we met at our seats. The play was interesting, but had a lot of flaws - it's no wonder that it's one of Shakespeare's least-performed works. My favorite part of the entire performance was probably the solo percussionist who played a variety of instruments, from a bathtub-sized Taiko drum to metal rods and hubcaps and a frame drum with ball bearings. After the play, Keith and Michelle joined us for the ride back to the city, and I dropped them in the West Village before heading home.