Monday, January 20, 2014

The wedding speech

As I find the time to write up a proper summary blog post about yesterday's wedding, I'll start by posting the speech I gave last night - some of the many heartfelt words spoken at Kacey and Becker's wedding.

It was exactly 1,001 days ago today that I first met Kacey. It was on Easter Sunday in 2011, and we were both not at our best. I was struggling with some relationship drama and she was battling a nasty cold. But we found ourselves sitting side-by-side at our friend Storm’s egg decorating party, making Ukrainian Psanky Easter eggs, which is a very time-consuming, delicate process. After three hours we managed to decorate a total of only three eggs between us. But what we lacked in artistic egg-producing fertility was more than balanced by the fertile ground where the seed of our friendship was planted that day.

It was three months later at our second meeting when that seed of friendship actually took root and began to blossom. She had invited me to join a group of friends to walk the High Line, but everybody else had to back out, leaving just the two of us. That night we walked and talked for hours until the park closed and they had to kick us out. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with whom I’ve felt so immediately comfortable talking about real things with complete honesty.

When I think about that night on the High Line and how our friendship developed from there, it always brings to mind the quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." Spending time with Kacey is a wonderful treat for me, as I know it is for many people. More than anyone else I know, she embodies the combination of joy, sincerity, sophistication and positive energy that is nourishing to the human soul.

The first time I met Becker was about a year after I met Kacey, on Feb. 6, 2012, at my first visit to Shotz, the monthly theater performance that we all now attend regularly. That was also the first time I met Kacey’s friend and bridesmaid Kristina, who gave a memorable performance playing a Barbie doll in one of the short plays that night.

Now Becker, as I’m sure many of you will agree, is a natural introvert and so it took a little more time to get to know him. And what I’ve discovered about Becker is that he brings something just as vital and nourishing as Kacey’s energy – and that is his grounding, steadying influence. Over the past two years, we’ve formed our connection as fellow introverts in the quiet corners of rooms filled with excitable extroverts like Kacey and some of her friends – you know who you are!

Chris, I certainly don’t envy your being at the center of so much attention today and I hope you are holding up well!

When Kacey asked me if I’d like to propose a toast, I really had a hard time thinking of what to say. As an activist for polyamory and modern open relationships, I might seem an unlikely choice to speak at a wedding.

But then I am reminded of the one simple truth that both scientists and poets agree upon – that love is the primary reason for our existence. I believe in the power of love to overcome all obstacles and find its way into our hearts, as it has found Kacey and Becker.

It gives me such tremendous joy to see my dear friends – my intentional family – in love and happy together, and celebrating this journey as they enter the next chapter of life. I love you both and I wish you every happiness that the world has to offer.

May the best of your yesterdays be the worst of your tomorrows. To Kacey and Becker!